Is it ties that bind you together? Shared experience? Where you want/need/desire something from someone? And, if you’re lucky, they want/need/desire the same things from you?
At the beginning, relationship seems to be an energetic connection; a vibration that either draws you together or pushes you apart.
Like magnets, they make you aware of the other, either that pushing towards you OR that pushing you away.
Guess it is always a vibrational thing. But, you know – vibration changes. Only takes a tiny strike to make the bell change sound . . . .
There are so many types of relationships. It feels sad to reach the age of 45 and realize that you . . . um . . . don’t know much at all.
Oh, I think I understand an unhealthy relationship. (Sorta . . . maybe.) I do know the loud alarms.
Like when a person treats you different than other people in their life. If they mistreat animals or children, RUN.
When everyone else in your life wonders WHY you are with this person. Believe your friends and family; listen to those alarms.
When your lover is too quiet and says nothing when you bring up intense emotions (silence doesn’t equal depth – sometimes it means they are thinking “duhhhhh . . . .”).
When you have only one or two avenues of connection and on everything else you drag up the old adage “opposites attract.” -- They repel, too, darlin.
My favorite relationship saying -- “Love the person, not their potential.”
I have loved many a lover/friend for who they COULD be. I could see clearly the fabulous within them. Could I help them see it? Maybe I could just FIX them . . . .
OR not even fix them, just SHOW them. Or provide the love that made them safe . . . . or provide the outer structures that helped them to be who they could be . . . .
OR… OR… OR…
Maybe that’s why I became a teacher?
Back to love relationships.
When you reach a certain stage, you have shed an amazing amount of baggage; you can feel so proud and accomplished for sorting out what you want and what you know you don’t want.
Trouble is, you’ve generally packed a few new bags on the way.
My big issue (oh, I have many -- but this week) is asking for help. Making myself vulnerable. Not “doing it all” even though I still have to “do it all” if this doesn’t work out.
Brings me back to a huge piece of the Edgar Cayce readings; which is this – you must do your best, have a pure and loving heart – and TOTALLY let go of the results.
Sometimes, when you’re a manifestor First Class, that last part is more than you can take.
Seriously – create and let go? Desire and drop?
Am I not in control here?
(“ahem . . . yes, . . . and no . . . is that clear?”)
You ARE in control; each thought you form shifts the Universe into action mode. But, the driving force is your heart; are you desireless in nature? Wanting the best for others (and for you too); are you too caught up in things going down a certain way?).
Therein lies the risk.
Anytime you create something, there is a responsibility for your manifestation; you start a relationship, sorry honey – you gotta either sustain or destroy it. That’s the game plan here, and you signed up for it.
Sustaining takes work. Destroying takes work.
Nobody ever said being conscious was a breeze.
Sometimes it feels easier to destroy. A word, a phrase, and the shields go up.
SCREW this; what am I working so hard for? I can DO this alone.
And then sustaining creeps in. Mostly, this relationship makes me so happy. More joy than I can ever remember; can’t you just work through this? Why throw it out and start over – because you don’t just go to the craft store and get more of this.
This is magic; it cannot be re-created. You’ve lived some life; you know this.
One thing I have discovered is that you have to talk until your heart stops hurting. Dig until it's done. And it has to be all at once; you sit together all night if that is what it takes.
There’s no sleeping on it and creating more drama in your head. There’s no “space” and all the assumed clarity that would bring. You both DIG; excavate while the shovels are out and the soil is damp; keep going until there is an honest smile from each of you and a hug that feels like it matters.
My therapist taught me to do this. When you’re talking and there’s a miscommunication (AND THERE ALWAYS IS), you stop; you look each other in the eye; and you say . . . “What did you hear me say?”
This brings in the spotlight; no makeup, no special lighting, no touch-ups. Raw open emotions.
And (hopefully) true clarity.
I’m not saying it always works; I’m not saying it always heals; but I’m (hoping) it keeps the lines open.
Relationship is worth the risk.
“Two is as four against the World.” – Shri Shellyji