Uttara Yoga Studio

Are You Breathing?

2011-12-14T16:07:00.005-05:00

Are You Breathing?

No – really, are you breathing? Well, I certainly hope so. You wouldn’t be reading too much further into this post if you were not.

But seriously; are you truly breathing?? A breath that keeps you nourished, oxygenated and healthy? Many people do not understand the importance of breath.

Approaching it from the science side, there are many systems in the body that are totally dependent on the ratio of oxygen to carbon dioxide in the body. If the body’s level of oxygen drops to a certain level, systems begin to shut down; kinda like an emergency mode, where non-essential systems (like metabolism) slow or shut down.

Moving along at the speed of LIFE, we often find ourselves in this constant fight-or-flight mode that leaves our bodies starved for oxygen. From the yogic perspective, this also limits your intake and quality of prana or lifeforce. Breathing is one of the major ways to bring in and move this lifeforce. (Note for the yogis: sometimes people think that the term “pranayama”in yoga means simply breathing techniques, even though the breath is only one of the many ways to move prana – other pranayama techniques include mantra and yantra – anything that controls {yama} lifeforce {prana}).

You could say that the way you breathe your breath is how you live your life.

Studying the breath has become a major portion of my practice, having recently picked back up my restorative breathwork apprenticeship with Kathleen Barratt of Barratt Breathworks. Check out her site at www.BarrattBreathworks.com.

When discussing the breath and any conscious, cultivated breaths, I always like to quote Goswami Kriyanandaji – “[the breath] is like a sharp knife -- used precisely, it is very effective; but if you wave it around, someone is going to get hurt.” Breathwork practices are extremely powerful.

The Barratt Breathworks model approaches the breath in a simple but potent way that helps to dismantle ineffective breathing patterns and restore the natural adaptability of the breath. It helps you to figure out where in your body your breath moves; or doesn’t. It unites breathwork, mindfulness and energy flow in a way that brings you more in tune with yourself. And, eventually, opens you up to permitting the natural intelligence of your breath to move through your body in a way that brings healing, health, and a deep spiritual awareness.

The breath can heal you; open you; nurture you; connect you back to spirit. Really.

Whether you are an experienced yogi with a regular pranayama practice, or just someone who is ready to be more open to this life, Kathleen is facilitating a Restorative Breathwork Weekend at Uttara in January, details below. I’ll be there assisting for my apprenticeship. If you are interested, register soon, space is limited.

And really; it’s about time you started to truly LIVE; and to truly BREATHE . . . . .

Saturday, January 7 from 1:00 to 5:00 pm
Sunday, January 8 from Noon to 4:00 pm

Barratt Breathworks Restorative Breathwork Weekend --
Combines Hatha Yoga, Breathwork and Meditation; Facilitated By Kathleen Barratt. This program is tailored both for the beginner as well as the experienced student of Restorative Breathwork. Emphasis on exploring the interrelationship between breath and energy and its dynamic influence on consciousness as well as physical health and well-being.

Dynamics are specially designed for small groups to provide one on one attention from Kathleen. Fee $125. For more information please call 540-966-6703 or visit http://www.barrattbreathworks.com/. Pre-register by December 30; continuing education credits are granted in accordance with Yoga Alliance.

What Do You Wish To Attain Through Yoga?

2011-12-04T21:47:00.005-05:00

We have an intake form at the Studio; you know, asking for
name, address, email; medical complications; blah, blah, blah.

On that form we also ask this question: What do you wish to attain through yoga?

This is because of one of my primary teachers, Goswami Kriyananda. Throughout my training, he continually emphasized that we are to teach what the students want to learn; not our own little agenda; not what we think people need.

What do the students want? What information do they seek?

So, I was thinking about this, because I’ve been thinking a lot about intention – about the linking of thought/action/spirit – which is how you make anything, ANYTHING actually happen in your life.

What do our students want?

Oh, the majority of intake forms say things like “strength,” “flexibility,” “toning,” “stretching.” But there are some really interesting answers lurking about in the file drawer, and I thought I’d share my favorites.

And the interesting thing is – all these things – ALL THESE THINGS, yoga can bring you; it delivers. All you ever have to do is this: PRACTICE.

meditation and flexibility

it’s part of my spiritual practice

enlightenment

focus, calm, openness, fire

tone and stretch

not sure

relax, man

time with my wife

internal space

exercise

quiet mind

joy!

physical and personal growth

pain free

that could take a long time . . . .

inner peace and badass flexibility

a better understanding of self

better breathing

a happy spouse

inner strength

?

awesomeness

love and light

open hips

weight management

community of like-minded individuals

destiny

help for my back

a positive experience

re-educating my body

fun

deep relaxation and spiritual advancement

sweetness

eternal youth!

to feel better physically, mentally

toning

peace, connection, oneness, movement

sleep

peace and light

balance

learn to be more calm

happiness!

better health

improve my practice

everything!

fabulousness

core strength

wife happy

anything!

opening up and letting go of stress

self-acceptance

hmmm . . . there’s many things

mind yoked to body

experience

So . . . if you read this far (and I hope you did . . . ) what is it that YOU seek?

As Kriyanandaji says . . . "Traveler in time . . . this is not your final resting place, what is it that you seek here?"

Shanti,

Jill

Thanks and Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T20:45:00.002-05:00

So, today, I received the most beautiful email. It read like this:

“Thank you for being my friend. I love you.”

And . . . that was it.

Wow; holy WOW. I am
so grateful to this person. Things are
so busy this time of year; this day!
Cooking and cleaning and preparing and planning and trying to make
memories and magic. This tiny gesture
helped me to feel my relationship with her; a connected and happy and safe
place; and in the quiet space of my mind, in that moment, deep gratitude
bubbled up.

I always say that there are friends and then there are
FRIENDS. You know; the kind that you
call and say “hey, I’m kinda in . . . Singapore . . . and I . . . kinda lost my
passport . . . and I . . . kinda have no money . . . can you . . . kinda, come
get me??? . . .

This is one of those friends for me; I am blessed to have a
long, long list of those kind of friends.

Sometimes, we overflow with gratitude; for big things, small
things; for everything. And, other
times, we get stuck in “don’t have enough of” or “why can’t I have” or just “why
couldn’t you just . . .” or simply . . . “ouch ouch ouch.”

Ouch.

So, this is a week (astrology, not holiday caused!) of a little more emotion and anger and
movement in the direction of change than most people can handle with grace and
style. Have you noticed this in your
life, in the world around you?

I challenge you to take a moment; a deep breath, and tell me
-- what are you grateful for? What
inspires your soul? Can you see the gifts
have you received? Can you see each
inhale and exhale as the deepest blessing?
Each morsel of food as communion?

Each interaction with family (family!) and friends as a
lesson on love and boundaries and acceptance and kindness and
it’s-okay-to-know-that-being-around-you-is-not-so-great-for-me-so-I’m-gonna-take-some-space,
OKAY?!

Can we offer gratitude for our health before we are
sick? Enjoy the food even if it is not
our taste, our brand, our way? Can we
create a safe space to love within our families and serve them without an
attitude of self-sacrifice or not speaking our own truth?

There have been many, many years that I could do none of
those things. I am aware, and trying to
do better.

“Thank you for being my friend” -- what greater gift could
you give to anyone in your life, be them blood related or spirit connected?

Blessed Thanksgiving,

Shanti,

Jill

Angels, Guides and Teachers

2011-11-16T21:34:00.005-05:00

When I decided to open Uttara, you have to understand where my life was; I’d been a stay-at-home mom for nine years; had three children,
the youngest was four; no family in town to count on; I’d never run a business, and frankly; didn’t have a clue what I was jumping into.

But from the very beginning; I had a strong sense that it was going to be okay; a deep feeling of safety that came from a source that felt real and true. And in everything I did, there was guidance; even the silly, simple things.

I decided I need a large basket to hold mats; a week later, there’s an enormous basket out at the curb in my neighbor’s trash (perfect basket, no damage – we’re still using it); needed something to hold purses and belongings; wander into the local Habitat for Humanity store and find a gorgeous piece for $75 (as I was hauling it out another patron told me that I would have made it onto one of the home decorator shows with that find).

And one day in particular, I had a small block of time to finish outfitting the place; hired a sitter to watch the kids, time was precious. As I got in the car, a little inner voice talked to me and instructed me in these mundane tasks, advising where to go, and what to buy. If you know me, I’m not a shopper, nor a decision maker.

But this day, it was like I was on a mission; from place to place, finding precisely what I needed at the price I needed it to be. Was thinking, “maybe God really wants this place to open . . . .”

Final item checked off my list, rushing to drive home, five minutes to spare to hit the deadline of my babysitter. Cruising toward I 581, my little voice tells me to exit the road and take the longer way.

“Uhh? What? WHY!?!”

This inner wisdom, which had guided me all morning to make wise decisions, gives me this piece of information and I . . . . complain; I argue with it. It didn’t make sense! I was in a HURRY! (Inner voice, don’t you get it, paying a sitter by the hour! Promised the kids I’d be home!).

So, as I have done more times than I wish to count, I ignored this voice. What the heck, really?! My inner voice is telling me how to DRIVE? Like it's my ex-husband or something?!

This whole exchange took mere moments, and as I merged onto 581, rounded the bend, and saw that traffic had come to a standstill, I understood. There had been an accident. And so, there I was; stuck in traffic, because of my stubbornness.

Had to laugh, and I did; but it reminded me of myriad times I neglected that inner wisdom; when the little voice in my head told me to go left, and I went right; when the little voice said no and I said “but but but -- why not?” When the little voice screamed and cried and I just looked away, because clinging to what I had been doing or what I had committed to seemed to make more sense than this frightening unknown path speaking up inside my head.

Would love to say that I learned my lesson; that I always following my intuition; and that my inner voice and I have established a clear and visible connection; but that is not true.

Sometimes my head has a cacophony of voices; sometimes, I still deny what my heart and wisdom tell me. Sometimes I do nothing; or take the easy way out.

But I am aware, and I am trying; every day; to hone that inner wisdom and to listen listen listen to the angels, the guides and teachers who surround me and support me.

Perhaps it all comes down to having a little faith . . . and the ability to trust.

Shanti,

Jill

Camella Nair will be at Uttara!

2011-10-09T18:28:00.005-04:00

I’ve brought a lot of other people’s teachers to Roanoke to do workshops. This month, I am excited to be bringing one of my teachers to Uttara.

Camella was my advisor during my Hatha Teacher Training program through the Temple of Kriya Yoga. It is not an understatement to say that her guidance helped to significantly shape my path as a yoga teacher, and as a person.

Camella is a Kriya Yoga Swami, which is a yogic priest, in addition to being a yoga teacher; ordained through the Temple of Kriya, she’s also one of those rare people who live their yoga 24-7; she lives in an Ananda community in California; she teaches yoga for a living; and is also an accomplished author and recording artist.

Her special gift is the way that the teachings just flow through her; her vast knowledge of yoga, and specifically Kriya yoga, are just a part of her nature. She also has the most beautiful chanting voice and a total no-nonsense way of bringing forth the teachings. Honest, forthright, blunt, true; Camella lays it all out, and in a language that you can actually perceive and understand.

Yoga is an oral tradition; it was never intended for written material or books; something is always lost in translation when you write the teachings down, in the same way that a picture is worth a thousand words. The teachings are organic, and as the teacher’s experience changes, and so do their teachings. So actually being in a teacher’s presence is an important piece.

In yoga we call this concept of “darshan” -- the blessing bestowed by being in the presence of someone who has done the work, and is ahead of you on the path. Just their very vibration in proximity to yours allows a shift in consciousness.

The workshops will be focused on the three “bodies” – meaning the physical body; the astral (energy) body, and what is called the “causal” body – your spirit, which is the never-born-will-never-die part of each of us. The yoga poses, meditation, philosophy and discussion will connect back and weave into this theme, and will be accessible to student of all levels. Don’t be afraid to learn more about who you are, or to seek to deepen your practice. Each workshop stands alone, and you can take only one or all.

Call or email me with questions! Jill@UttaraYogaStudio.com, 540-309-0071. For more on Camella, check out her website, http://www.camellayoga.org. Info on the workshops is below!

Saturday, October 22 and Sunday, October 23:

Camella Nair: Yoga of the Three Bodies -- Join us for a special weekend immersion into hatha yoga, meditation, mantra and discussion on navigating the chakras, nadis and koshas of the subtle (energy) body. You will also learn techniques on how to purify and balance energy from the Kriya Yoga tradition. Workshops can be taken individually; all are accessible for students of all levels.

Camella (Swami Nibhrtananda) is an ordained Swami within the Kriya Yoga lineage, author of two books, recording artist and mentor. She has studied mantra with Russill Paul and Ayurveda with the California College of Ayurveda. She teaches yoga, meditation and offers Ayurvedic body therapies in the South bay area of California.

Saturday, October 22:

9.30 am - 12.00 pm
Kriya Vinyasa Flow Class -- Camella has developed and taught this series of asanas (yoga poses) over the past decade that has helped many people develop greater self-awareness and discipline in their lives. Class will finish with some breath/prana exploration and a brief meditation. Accessible for all levels of students, $25/$30

2:00 pm – 5:00 pm
Subtle Anatomy; Chakra Hatha Yoga -- You are more than a physical body. To understand and learn about subtle anatomy and the energy body is to delve deeper into the science of yoga and take more control of your life. This class will be a discourse followed by asanas (yoga poses) that specifically affect certain chakras. $25/$30

6:00 pm – 8:00 pm
Kriya Yoga 101 (with nada yoga and meditation)-- In this class Camella will share balancing techniques from the Kriya Yoga lineage, as well as lead some group chants and meditation. $20/$25

Sunday, October 23:

10:00 to Noon
Hatha/Pranayama/Meditation -- A complete yoga practice incorporating Kriya hatha yoga techniques, breathwork, and meditation; create your Kriya sadhana. $20/$25

My New Teacher

2011-10-04T21:33:00.007-04:00

Meet my new teacher; it's a Cannondale mountain bike.

Like many synchronistic meetings in my life, I didn’t really go looking for it. Was thinking of getting a road bike, now that all three children can ride. Went to Just the Right Gear in Salem; they had been so patient and helpful when I bought a bike for my daughter. After a talk with the owner, I chose a mountain bike with tires that would let me occasionally road bike.

Now, I’m not unfamiliar with bikes; but it’s been 20-some years since I road regularly. Bikes have changed! And, mountain biking is different from road biking; the first time I came upon a rock, I squished my eyes shut preparing to get dumped; and instead, just flew right over that sucker. Wow!

I’ve been meeting friends and riding out at Carvins Cove (which is a little slice of heaven) about once a week. REALLY fun; like I’m 12-years old again and so brave and so free.

Mountain biking gets me out in nature; gives me a feeling of freedom and ease; is great exercise; and there are no worries of traffic or crazy car drivers. It’s so fun trying to jump the bike over piles of logs and flying down hills. It reminds me of those days of building ramps out of bricks and old boards with my brother; doing crazy stuff I’d probably never let my kids try now.

On my very first ride I was sucking wind; not used to riding; and two of my friends zipped off in a little friendly competition. Another rider hung back with me, introduced himself and we started to talk. “This is my therapy” he explained. Now, I totally get that.

There are so many amazing metaphors between life and riding the bike. Like if you focus on the obstacles, you’ll steer right into them, so be sure to keep your eyes on the path you want to choose, and not what’s in your way.

Remember not to be gawking at the scenery while riding; sometimes I want to look around, it’s so incredibly beautiful! But don't let the mind get distracted, or think about your grocery list. Out of nowhere obstacles appear; a root, a rock, a low-hanging tree, and BAM, down you go. So if you’re gonna ride, RIDE; and if you’re gonna rest, REST. Multi-tasking is overrated.

It also helps me to remember when facing a steep hill, or a place in the path where I’ve gotten stuck before to just put my head down and pedal; because if I obsess, or look far ahead, it’s too daunting. If I just put my nose down and deal with the little bit of the path that’s right in front of me, then it’s just not so difficult. You just get on through it, and keep moving.

Riding with my friends has helped me to see how often I put myself down (in my mind and out loud); apologizing for not keeping up, or for struggling with a portion of the path; or for having to get off and walk the bike up a hill or through the mud. We have a running joke about how often I have said “sorry” – something I have struggled with for years. They are my friends; they don’t mind waiting up for me, or helping me out. Why do I struggle to accept their kindness and their help?

Recently while making several attempts to jump a log pile, I got a little scraped and bruised up. Showing them to my friend with a laugh, he said “It’s all about quality of lifestyle . . . .”

Yeah . . . riding may occasionally leave me with a bump or a bruise or a cut; but each time it happens, I’m a little wiser and a little stronger; and it’s WAY better than staying home on the couch and missing out on the fun.

Shanti,

Jill

Shifting

2011-09-18T21:59:00.004-04:00

Last week, I sold the children’s swing set. It was a really nice one, with a little tower thingy and three swings; tiny little climbing wall. I remember when we first purchased it. I wondered why I had waited so long; it was magic the way all children would run to it, mostly wanting to swing. Swinging is a lovely, rhythmic way of releasing tension, at least for me; I still love to swing, so I always understood the draw.

But in five short years, the children have outgrown it; probably this Summer was the first lonely Summer for the swing set; the first time it was wished away to make space for soccer and tag.

It feels like a turning point in my parenting life; there was the time OF the swing, and there is the time AFTER the swing.

The children are 13, 11 and 8; each within a few months of a birthday. No more babies in this house; nor toddlers; actually, only one child.

So, I like to think I sorta understand where that is and what that is for them, because I’ve been those ages before and had some of those growing experiences. The question is: what is it, where is it, now, for the adult middle-aged (eek!) woman. You know, me.

I was telling a friend recently, that it’s like climbing a mountain; at this point in parenting, you catch of glimpse of the vast horizon; of a space that isn’t just nose-to-the-trail. During the years of babies; of diapers and runny noses; of learning to do everything, EVERYTHING from walking to talking.

Not to mention just plain trying to keep those creatures ALIVE.

And, suddenly; that’s not your role any more. Even if you thought of your parenting-self as a sculptor; a painter; someone who had a hand in or a major role in their development; the reality is – they are who they are. What you’ve said and taught means very little compared to what you’ve done and what you’ve conveyed with the very essence of your being.

And whether you think you rocked it, or if you just barely escaped, it really doesn’t matter – it just . . . IS. There are no do-overs in this incarnation.

Leaving the grocery store the other evening I ran into a former student; I was rushing home to the children as she ambled into the store. We exchanged hellos and when I asked how she was, she shrugged and said “empty nest now . . . go home and hug your children.”

There’s a really big space in my back yard right now; which I hope is filled with running teenagers, and soccer balls, and who-knows-what after that.

Might be a good time to remember that some day, there might be an even bigger space in my life.

Shanti,

Jill

Patience vs. Push

2011-09-18T21:19:00.003-04:00

In order to work with the current cycles, I have been spending some time going back through my journals. It helps me to see the patterns; to see the sticky places and the blind spots (though, I guess if they weren’t blind spots they would be easy to see, eh?!).

In my journals I came across an entry from about a year ago where my sister disciple, Gracia, passed a Kriya technique for healing along to me. And THAT reminded me of the little lump in my foot.

See, on the top of my right foot, this odd little hard lump showed up; it was hard, like bone, and right under the skin. It got large enough to stick out, and it really looked icky; it also made it hurt to sit on my feet, which as a yoga teacher, I do a LOT. So, I decided to use this technique on my little lump.

I probably used the technique for a month and a half; really, no more than that, and not even daily. And, right away, I got impatient with the process. Five times; no change; fifteen, twenty times; and my lump, still the same. How great could this technique be if it couldn’t handle my little lump?

So, I stopped the technique, abandoned it really; chalked it up to something that either I wasn’t good at, or just plain didn’t work.

And I had not thought about it for a long time, until I re-read that entry and realized; the lump, it’s gone! I don’t know when it disappeared, but when I reached down to feel for it, there was just a teeny tiny little spot left. Not visible to the eye.

Did the healing technique do the trick? Was it my desire for it to go away? What happened here? And why, why, was I so impatient?

Actually, patience factors into everything in my life; living, loving, parenting, teaching, growing, learning, healing; where is it that patience is not required?

So, I’m thinking now – what other bit of fabulousness have I glossed over because I didn’t take the time; because I didn’t devote the minutes, the hours, the years? And the flip side of that is – where have I been WASTING time; throwing minutes and hours and years at things that are not growing, that are not evolving; that just aren’t taking me where I need to go?

The ever-present issue of where to lean into Life, and where to ease up? Push vs. Patience.

If you’ve figured it out, please let me know; in the meantime, I think I’ll pick that healing technique back up and work on it; I am thinking it belongs in my practices. But I also must re-examine my life -- where I am spending those minutes, those hours, those years? What is taking time away from what matters? From what is real? From what is true? From what . . . matters to me? Hmmmmm . . . .

August 2011

2011-08-25T21:02:00.003-04:00

“We should be training for August [2011] like athletes.” -- Mystic Medusa

This is from a post back in July by one of my favorite astrologers, who goes by the moniker Mystic Medusa. If you haven’t noticed, this has been a very interesting month in most people’s lives; very few are unaffected.

The question is, how are you doing? [Not just the little surface smile and “I’m fine.”] How are you really doing with . . . everything!

Cosmically, some very long-term aspects are being triggered, both within us and around us. The key with any change is to try to approach it in a balanced way; a harmonious way; a don’t-throw-yourself-under-the-bus way. But it is important to note that the aspects being touched upon this month are just a tiny taste of what is coming; these are big, long-term cycles. Expect similar circumstances and energies next July-August, and continuing on for at least two years after that.

Seriously.

Now, I don’t tell you this to frighten you, and if you’ve been following this blog for any period of time, this is not news to you. But for those of you who have become complacent; who think they can just tie a knot and hang on and it’ll all go away, please; don’t do that.

If you are experiencing intuitive flashes that require you to lighten up, shift directions, let go of old ways of doing and being in this world, listen to them. If you are not yet journaling, please, PLEASE begin. When these cycles repeat – with more intensity – it will be ever so helpful for you to have a record of your thoughts, a record of what was happening in your outer world AND your inner world. Both are important.

If you do not have a meditation practice, or take time for quiet, peace and prayer, I strongly urge you to commit to at least a minute or two a day. A clear head and the ability to use wisdom under pressure will serve you well.

Remember that all is karma; all is earned. You signed UP for this existence.

Use the infinite power of your mind to create a balanced life for yourself; whenever terrible thoughts attach to you, immediately wrap them in light and say in your mind “it does NOT have to be like this.”

Slipping into fear, anger, sadness, despair; these are not useful emotions. Counter fear with courage and faith; counter anger with compassion and understanding; counter sadness with happiness and joy; counter despair with hope and love.

And, hang in there.

Shanti,

Jill

Summer Reading 2011

2011-08-10T14:55:00.007-04:00

Oh, I SO meant to get this up earlier! But if you are looking for a good read for the last precious weeks of Summer, I have some suggestions; a couple recent releases, as well as some old favorites.

Blood, Bones and Butter, by Gabrielle Hamilton. This is just a great read. It’s the biographical story of a woman who is the chef/owner of her own restaurant in New York City, and the life experiences that all brought her to where she is and who she is today. The stories are beautifully crafted and heart-breakingly honest. Family dynamics, food, addiction, obsession, food, struggle, triumph, food, intensity, love, loathing, food. Absorbing.

Yamas and Niyamas, by Deborah Adele. For those of you who are ready to start at the beginning of the yoga path, the first two limbs of a true yoga practice are the yamas and niyamas. Essentially the “don’ts” and the “do’s” of living. Deborah Adele breaks down these basic ways of living and being in the world and explains them in a modern context. I don’t know anyone who would not benefit from this book. We have it available for sale at Uttara if you want to buy it locally; it’s a slim little volume that will give you a lot of food for thought, and shine a bright light on your path.

American Prophet, by Sidney D. Kirkpatrick. A fascinating book about the life of Edgar Cayce, this very complete volume digs into all aspects of the Cayce readings and will be of particular interest to those who wonder about the years of Jesus Christ that are not spoken about in the Bible, and for those of you interested in past-life experiences.

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coehlo. I have heard of this book many times, but just like when the student is ready the teacher appears, I was finally ready and this book appeared. A profound read that helps you to understand how all truly is one; that love is a super-power; and that you should live every day in pursuit of your most beautiful dream.

The 13 Original Clan Mothers, by Jamie Sams. This book speaks to women, particularly if you attune at all to native American cultures. A beautiful description of the various steps of growing spiritually, as an individual and in context with our “tribe” and community. So much of our individual experience is tied into the Universal experience of woman. Adore this book.

Sastun: One Woman’s Apprenticeship with a Maya Healer, by Rosita Arvigo. Fascinating true story of a woman determined to learn the old ways of healing. The author became the last link in the ancient chain as an apprentice to the last known authentic Mayan Healer, Don Elijio. The stories of sickness, healing, spirituality, prayer, and the bounty of the rain forest are just amazing. Made me re-think my concepts of healing, health, the power of prayer, the destructive nature of spiritual dis-ease, and the commitment it takes to become an actual healer. Plowed through this book in two days, couldn’t put it down.

Rainforest Remedies, by Rosita Arvigo. If you decide you are not interested in Sastun and the story of Rosita Arvigo, you still will want to read this great little volume. Arranged so that you can look up specific issues and remedies, it is a wonderful resource for those interested in homeopathic remedies and natural healing. Gives everything from recipes to massage techniques; prayers and rituals; as well as specific herbs, teas and tinctures. Not just for illness, but for wellness. Amazing resource.

Where Men Win Glory, The Oddessy of Pat Tillman, by Jon Krakaur. Most of us prefer to turn our heads away from the sheer waste and tragedy that was the War in Iraq, and what is the War in Afghanistan. This book helps you to see Pat Tillman, someone’s child-brother-friend-husband, as a three-dimensional personality – flaws and all -- and dissects the propaganda that our Government has rained down upon us about what truly went down. The Jessica Lynch story is also critically researched and frankly re-told. This book will open your eyes, extract your head from the sand, and hopefully give you a more critical and discerning mind when you are spoon fed information. Prepare to be inspired, as much as your heart breaks.

Getting Ready

2011-07-10T11:29:00.006-04:00

We are always getting ready to live, but never living.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Couple months ago I was finishing up teaching a class. As everyone gathered their things, two women came into the Studio. Both beautifully dressed in office attire, they began to inquire about class times. As I spoke, both nodded their heads and smiled enthusiastically; it seemed like they were ready to give yoga a try. One looked to the other -- “What about the Noon Power class tomorrow?” “Oh, nooooo . . . “ she protested with a wide smile, “I have to go shopping for this.”

Needless to say, they haven’t made it back to the Studio. Perhaps someday they will. Maybe, in fact, with the latest and greatest yoga mat in a matching bag, the best-fitting pants, and the cutest Hard Tail top. But you know, if they never make it to class, none of that stuff matters.

What matters is showing up on your mat. In your ratty sweats, your Target sale pants, or whatever. Whether it’s at Uttara, at the gym, at home. Whether it’s your first class, your 50th class, or your I-cannot-even-count class.

Yoga is a practice. It’s not a start, and a finish. There’s never “you’re done, that’s it.” Yoga is constant change; constant evolution; constant exploration. Meeting yourself, whoever and wherever you are, and going for it.

And so with life. You have to show up. You HAVE to participate. You need to get in the game, be ready to face down your fears, embrace change, and figure it out. You have been given profound gifts from God; you have gifted yourself with incredible blessings and challenges. Whether you know it or not, you are on a mission to meet them.

There’s nothing wrong with waiting to find the perfect yoga pants; nothing wrong with getting that really fabulous eco-friendly wonder mat. It is okay to want to plan, to prepare, to set yourself up for success.

But at the end of the day, whether it’s your yoga mat, your meditation cushion or your life; planning and thinking and dreaming will only take you so far.

You gotta show up.

Shanti,

Jill

Greece and Italy Travel Notes

2011-06-29T22:16:00.007-04:00

Just back from a family trip to Greece and Italy. (Really! I am jealous of myself.)

A few comments and observations:

*British Airways is amazing. There was no comparison with any of the American airlines that I have ever flown, even overseas; it cost a little bit more, but everything was included and was worth every penny.

*The people of Athens were amazing. Everyone (everyone!) spoke beautiful, fluent English. And many spoke several other languages as well. As for a command of their language, I now get the origin of the saying “it’s all Greek to me.” Their words look to me like someone pressed the caps lock AND the alt key and then sat on the keyboard. Utterly undecipherable.

*There was a sadness and desperation in Athens that made me sad. Everywhere people were so kind, but also apologetic for the state of their country. Protests and strikes everywhere. Small bands of police officers clustered in the squares. A trip near the Parliament building where we passed officers bearing uzi’s on the street. It felt like a little taste of what might occur in this country should our economy continue its current path.

*People were very kind. We were traveling with four adults and four children, three of whom are pre-teen girls. With the giggling and squealing and chattering there is no WAY you can even pretend to pass yourself off as some sophisticated European traveler. You may as well carry the American flag on a stick. Complete strangers would strike up a conversation or offer guidance. We felt very safe and looked after considering the difficulties in Athens right now.

*Solar panels were EVERYWHERE. On so many buildings in Athens; great fields of them in Italy. I kept wondering, “um, why, why aren’t WE doing that?”

*The Italian countryside is just breathtaking. I love how the country-quilt landscape of olive groves, fields of sunflowers, hillsides of grapevines. So many homes seem to have a little patch beside them with maybe a couple fruit trees, some grapevines, a small garden patch. Never just giant field after giant field of the same crop.

*The culture of walking; of taking a stroll. Of being out and about, visiting; I am sure this also springs from the fact that the homes are smaller, and there isn’t tons of personal space. But that sense of community really shines through. In the small town where we spent several days, I let my girls go to the piazza by themselves. They ran into five people that they knew. Very sweet.

*My children have returned as much more adventuresome eaters. Sure, they ordered French fries at every opportunity! But, hey, they tried a lot of different things, and truly got over any phobia about green things being sprinkled on their plates. We also developed some new passions (Greek cheese dip, potato pizza) and honed some others (my son had calamari daily, and we expanded our list of gelato favorites.

*Once again I was taught that you can plan your brains out, but at the end of the day, you gotta go with the flow. One of the most magical moments came after dinner one night when my friend spontaneously called her art restoration teacher to see if we could stop by his workshop. He kindly met us at his studio, and he had just completed restoration of a wooden sculpture of Jesus the Christ that was just in the beginning phases of restoratation two years ago when I had visited before. To stop by that evening and see the masterpiece (photo below!) completed; it was astonishing to behold.

*Traveling; meeting people from other places, other countries, other experiences; I realize that people -- US -- humans; no matter where we live on this planet. We are spirit, crammed into a body. They are no different than me, just born in a different spot on the planet. I hope, I truly desire, that when I make choices, decisions that impact the planet; that I will remember it's not just about impacting me and my children. My decisions, my choices; will affect them, and their children.

Shanti,

Jill

Christianity and Yoga

2011-06-29T21:35:00.006-04:00

Hello kind blog readers: The following is a letter that I wrote in response to one of the several articles that appeared in our local newspaper over the past few months where certain sects of Christians expressed the view that yoga was a negative and . . . um . . . devil worship.

In order to get my sadness and anger out, I blasted out this response. After thinking about it, I decided not to fuel the flames (not to mention give their accusations any credit), and so I did not post this letter. Recently, however, I have re-read this response and decided . . . it wasn't too bad. In fact, I want to put forth and document my opinion, in a response to those who claim yoga is evil, or negative in any way.

Dear Mr. Moyer:

Recently you announced that you think Christians who practice yoga should stop because you consider it to be against the tenants of the Christian faith.

My first inclination was to ignore you; I think that when people make declarations such as this, with such obvious lack of knowledge or facts, I kinda don’t like to dignify them with a response. But, the more I think about it, you need to not be ignored, but refuted.

In the same way that all Christians are not people who choose to categorize individuals or groups of people into “saved” and “damned,” all who practice yoga are not converting to other religions, or turning their back on their Christian faith.

Please include this caveat in what I say – there is absolutely nothing wrong with other religions or ways of seeking God. Um, you might have heard this, but I’ll remind you that Jesus was Jewish.

I am in the midst of figuring out what it is I believe, and how best to serve God through my beliefs. I love to chant in the Sanskrit language, because it helps to turn off my brain and turn on my heart. Christian hymns about how I’m a sinner and saved only through the death of a saint just don’t help me to find God.

Being spiritual is much more important to me than choosing a label or a religion; religion is a structure made by man for and to serve man, not necessarily to serve God.

I’ll quote Anne LaMott -- “Religion is for people who are afraid of Hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there.”

I particularly feel the need to stand up for Hinduism, which is completely misrepresented and misunderstood in this country. There are many sects of this ancient religion, and I don’t pretend to completely understand it (of course, I can’t say I completely understand Christianity, the religion I have practiced since birth). But I will say that many people think that Hindus worships a series of Gods when most branches of Hinduism only worship the different aspects of God, in the same way that Christians revere their trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

No one has yet to accuse you of worshipping doves.

What is Yoga? Yoga is not a religion; it is a science; a system for solving human problems. It is a very ancient, proven system for improving one’s life by first becoming morally accountable for all actions – physical, mental and verbal -- and improving one’s life by disciplining the senses and mind. By attaining heath and equilibrium in the body, which is the temple, for it houses your spirit. By gathering the invisible forces of energy that flow through your body; and allowing you to raise those energies to the highest possible places, so that you can connect directly with that spirit, that higher power – God, the Divinity, Great Spirit, whatever it is that you call the highest of high.

I am wondering if perhaps your greatest problem with this is that it tells people that they do not need a guide to God; they can find God on their own.

For many people in this country, practicing yoga is simply an exercise class; it’s a way to get strong, and more flexible. And that’s totally fine. For many of us, the practice of actually inhabiting the body, of studying the mind has led us down a path of figuring out exactly who we are, and why we’re here. For many, it leads to you to attuning to a higher spiritual power, however you see that power.

Some see that power as Mohammed, some as the Blessed Mother Mary, perhaps others see that power in the forests and the planets; and some see that power as Jesus.

Who are you to say that any of them are wrong?

Mr. Moyer, I invite you to take my yoga class (you might want to start with the level 1 class); perhaps if you stretch your body, and soften your heart, perhaps you might open your mind to the possibility that there are many, many pathways to God.

Shanti,

Jill

Service

2011-06-29T21:22:00.004-04:00

My friend and contractor, Josh, is the salt of the Earth; a sweet, gentle, bear of a guy. One day he was at the house, working on our kitchen. A friend had been visiting, and when she left I gave her a card with a little cash in it to help out; she was having a tough time.

She must have driven down the road a while before she opened the card, and she came back, ran into the house and gave me a big, tearful hug. No words. We were both crying. And then she left.

He looked at me quizzically, and I said “Just helping a friend.” And he said “That’s how it should be; we should take care of each other – take care of the people around us.”

I try to always remember what he said, because he is so right.

Right now it feels like there is a deep awareness of sacrifices; much is falling apart and a new reality is being created. All around us, there is tremendous need. People in our community need money; food; help with the very basics of life. You may want to help and think "how?" Remember, each and every moment, every day, you have something to offer to others, even if it’s not cold hard cash.

It can be such a blessing to offer to cook a meal for someone; to watch a small child for a neighbor while they run an errand or go to the doctor. To mow the grass or plant some flowers for someone who cannot do it for themselves.

It is so simple to smile at everyone. To put down your cellphone and speak to the cashier who helps you with your groceries. To write a note of thanks to a teacher,a mentor, or a relative.

There is pain and suffering all around the world, but there is also pain and suffering right outside your door. We all can’t drop our lives and go feed the hungry in a foreign country. But we can serve a meal at our local soup kitchen. We cannot always send money to repair cleft palates in India, but we can provide toothbrushes to homeless students at the local high school. We might not be able travel to the Brazilian rain forests to save an animal from extinction, but we can go cuddle the pets at the SPCA.

We can use our collective energies to visualize a world at peace; to send light and loving thoughts to the troubled, the hungry, the frightened. We can pray and meditate for others, for the troubled people of Japan, for the wildfires in Arizona; and also for ourselves. So that we can become a beacon of hope, a rock of stability – for friends, for neighbors, and for anyone we meet along the path.

Two minutes, ten minutes, a couple hours, a weekend; the simple offering of your time and talent can change not only another person’s destiny, but your own.

Little things really do mean a lot.

Shanti,

Jill

Manifesting

2011-06-28T15:45:00.008-04:00

“YOU are a manifestor.”

“I’m a . . . . what?” Sitting on the floor three years ago in the big, empty yoga studio, chatting with a woman who was interested in presenting a workshop, it hardly felt like I had “manifested” the Studio. At the time I was stressed, worried about making the rent, and thinking, ”Honey, this didn’t just appear; I have been working like a dog."

In the years that have passed, an understanding of manifestation and the laws of creation have become more clear to me. And I realize, this woman who I really didn’t know very well; she was right.

Nobody said manifesting didn't also occasionally include some blood, sweat, and tears.

I am thinking of this today because outside my kitchen window, there is a big raspberry bush. We did not plant it, but we are sure happy it is here.

When we moved into this home, our hillside was shady and quite thickly laid with layers of English ivy. We culled the trees, and in doing so, created space. I kept thinking how wonderful it would be to fill the hillside with berry bushes, redbuds, fruit trees. Wrestling with the ivy has been more challenging than I anticipated, so actually planting things on the hill is practically impossible.

Impossible for me, but not for Mother Nature; and into that space on the hill countless blackberry, and now raspberry bushes, have sprouted up. Now I realize; those bushes are a manifestation. I drew them into my yard, and my life.

When we first moved into the house, I spent much time looking from the front porch toward the mountain view, a view obscured by a huge weeping willow tree. I adore weeping willows, and admired it often, but often in my mind thought . . . “ahhhh, what a view we would have if that tree was not there.” It was not long until a great portion of the tree came down in a storm. Not long after that, the owners had it dissected and removed. A dear friend tells me that the tree wanted me to have the view. I’ve always felt a little bad about it. It was an excellent lesson about the power of the mind.

The concept of “aham brahmasmi” (I AM the creative principle) is central to yogic thought. Absolute and total responsibility for everything and everyone in your life.

Everything. Everyone.

Eek.

And the thing is, the more you become self-aware and look to the symbols around you, the faster it happens. You dream a dream, and it creates. You have a desire, and it is fulfilled.

Though, not always in the way you originally thought. You have to be clear; you have to have a vision, and this vision needs to serve not only you but the Universe.

So lately I am studying manifestation with (hopefully) a little more self-awareness; reading up on creating our reality, and how to draw things, people, events, into your personal universe. The book I am reading suggests no coy wording; no “if I could” or “if it’s in my best interest . . .“ It says to ask for what you want; to give thanks for it coming towards you; and to have confidence and faith that this creation will be brought into form.

Whether you realize it or not, YOU are a manifestor. Vow to create more consciously; and to figure out what will bring you happiness, wisdom and joy. And before you begin to dream your dream, be REALLY certain what you THINK you want is truly WHAT you want.

Time to go pick some berries.

Shanti,

Jill

The Gift

2011-05-04T12:51:00.006-04:00

ONCE upon a time there was a woman and a man. The man loved the woman with all his heart, and the woman loved the man with all her heart. A holiday was approaching, a day that the man wanted to honor the woman with a gift. The woman knew the man would bring her something, kind and generous as he was, so she suggested a wheelbarrow.

Now, not everyone’s heart’s desire would be a wheelbarrow, but this woman was a gardener. She worked long hours moving rock and soil and stone. She was tired of doing things the hard way. A wheelbarrow would make every project easier.

Sure, she could purchase one herself. But wheelbarrows come in a giant, unwieldy box. Assembly is required. She would need to arrange childcare (all three car seats would have to be removed!) so the thing would fit in the car. She would have to ask for help at the store (something at the time that she did not like to do) to get it from-the -shelf-to-the -cart-to-the-checkout-to-the-car.

She thought the idea of a fully assembled, big, beautiful contractor’s wheelbarrow sitting on the front porch would be a most marvelous gift.

The woman, of course, did not list these reasons. Or come outright and ask for it. She simply suggested a wheelbarrow; and the man, thinking that it would not be much of a gift, made his own plan. He purchased a necklace. A truly beautiful piece, with a stone in the woman’s favorite color.

And the morning she unwrapped it, the woman cried tears of sadness. And the man did not understand. The gift was generous, and beautiful but the woman felt it was not what she needed, or what she wanted. She felt that he did not listen. He was hurt that she did not appreciate his gift.

This made the man and the woman realize that perhaps, in the rush of life and jobs and children and bills, they were not communicating; not relating to each other; not understanding each other.

They set to work. It took time, and it took effort. They made time to be alone together, to actually talk and exchange, ideas, feelings, desires and expectations. The woman stopped expecting the man to read her mind. The man came to understand that sometimes a gift is more than money, but time.

Once upon a time there was a woman and a man. The man loved the woman with all his heart, and the woman loved the man with all her heart.

They lived happily ever after.

She has a very nice wheelbarrow.

THE END

Part 3: Death, Dying and Re-Birth (for T)

2011-04-29T19:39:00.003-04:00

For T, Part 3: Where Am I Going?

When the time comes for a spirit and soul to move on, remember that all endings are also beginnings. Blow your mind open to the big BIG picture. Heaven and Hell are not places, they are states of consciousness. Trust in the process, use your intuition, and remember some of the most important things cannot be see with the mortal eye.

This person you have loved and had experiences with; they are just moving on. To return to the quote that begins this series, from one of my favorite Guru's, Yoda says, “ . . . mourn them not, miss them not.”

A very advanced practice, indeed.

I close with the important question Kriyanandaji poses in his books; “Traveler in time, this is not your final resting place; what is it that you seek?”

If you have read all three parts of this blog, thank you for your infinite patience. If you have questions or comments, email me at Jill@UttaraYogaStudio.com

Deepest Blessings, and Shanti,

Jill

Part 2: Death, Dying and Re-Birth (for T)

2011-04-29T19:26:00.005-04:00

For T, Part 2: Why Am I Here?

Now, there are many things that are specific to this lovely blue and green planet. This is not a complete list. There is the law of energy – anything that exists must be fed in some way. Which relates to the law of reciprocity – you must give and you must receive; nothing can be sustained that only gives or only takes. There is the law of gravity (we should all be pretty clear on that). And there is the law you may not have been told about -- the law of karma; meaning whatsoever you do, say or think to or about another, returns to you. The classic “you reap what you sow.”

All these laws can, of course, be transcended; there are verified stories that refute these laws; tales of saints who do not eat; who defy the law of gravity and levitate (read Yoganandaji’s Autobiography of a Yogi); and people can and do transcend their karma. But none of these feats are easy, my friends.

And so after a few attempts at wrapping yourself in matter and coming here, you started to create karma; you loved, you were loved; you hurt, you were hurt; you killed, you created, and on and on. You created desires and thought forms that are seeking fulfillment. Remember back to the first part – thoughts are things! They are creations and they take form (prakrati). And as lifetimes pass, and you choose time after time to return here and fix those mistakes, to fulfill those dreams and desires – and instead, you create more issues, more drama – more karma. You return again, and again, and again.

If you do not believe in reincarnation, that is fine – but that is one thing I will challenge you on, because I do have specific memories of past lives. It was even a part of the Christian doctrine until the Church decided people were not so willing to do the right thing when they figured they had another chance at bat. Again, do your own research; decide what you believe. What does born again mean to you?

When we decide we are ready to return to this school for the soul, as Kriyanandaji calls it, we have to choose certain things that we’re going to deal with – because we have so many! We have to pick people around us who will help us to achieve our goals; and we also tend in reincarnate with souls/spirits that we have karma with. For example, fall deeply in love with someone? You separate without feeling that the love between you was completely fulfilled? You draw that spirit to you when you return. The same with strong hatred. Foster a deep, abiding anger towards someone? It’s like sending them an energetic rope. They’ll be back in your life, and next time they might be your child, or your mother; seriously; the circumstances could be quite different. But whatever it is between you that needs to be resolved, you will be given your opportunity.

Each time we return to this place; we create a type of contract with the Universe to come here. This is where the natal chart of astrology enters into the spiritual practice. It is a map of what we have chosen to tackle in this lifetime; our blessings, and our obstacles. Our stumbling blocks and stepping stones. It indicates the timing of events and the flow of energy.

This current time in history is known in Hinduism as “Kali Yuga” (the Dark Age). Most of us incarnating now are a rather ambitious lot; we are coming in with grand plans to tackle some heavy karma. And the chart will show us – there will be group karma (the group meaning culture, family – any group you identify with); there will be individual karma. There will be karma that manifests in your outer life; there will be karma that manifests only in your mind. There will be karma from past lives; karma from the present life; and some karma you will create that cannot be brought to you in this lifetime. That’s set aside for the next incarnation. You will choose when to resolve it, when circumstances permit.

Choose. Remember this always. You choose. Another law of the Earth plane. There is a portion of free-will involved in all situations. You make choices. Those choices either resolve karma, create karma, or some lovely mix of the two. You choose -- to stand a deliver; to shrink in horror; to blame; to ignore; to fight; to surrender; to apply your wisdom, or say “who cares?” You choose.

You even choose your parents; the child will rotate the mother’s spine for about three months before birth, so that their spirit can see if their karma is resonate with the mother’s karma. A person has the karma to die at 5 and the mother does not have the karma to lose a young child, that child will not be born to that mother. Look at every person in your life and accept the responsibility. You have drawn this person into your life for some purpose, for some reason. What are they trying to teach you?

Sometimes this concept, this responsibility, is terrifying. We look at our circumstances, and we say NO; no, truly I would not have desired this experience, to have been with these individuals. We look at the incredible lack and struggles of people around the world; the poverty, the pain, the needless suffering. And it is not okay to sit back and think “oh, well, that person has that karma, so let them be in agony . . . .” That thought form alone creates karma.

Instead, cultivate the important spiritual practice of PATIENCE. For yourself, and everyone; we are all on a grand adventure. Our job is to remember why we came. Anyone you encounter deserves your respect. Anyone who hinders your progress, resolve the energy that exists between you with wisdom and walk away. (Or in some cases, RUN).

.... completed in the next post ....

Part 1: Death, Dying and Re-Birth (for T)

2011-04-29T19:03:00.007-04:00

“Death is a natural part of life.

Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not.

Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.” -- Yoda

For T; part 1 of 3; Who Am I?

Death. Transitioning. Leaving the Body. Whatever you call it, we humans struggle. The unknown terrifies us. We read books, we talk to people who seem to know what happens – but when the illness comes, once the body drops, we retreat to fear and trepidation. What happens? Where do we go? Is there a soul storage place for “good” ones and “bad” ones? Who defines good and the bad? And what about the rest of us that are neither good nor bad, but just somewhere in between? Yogic philosophy has helped to evolve my understanding.

I am not telling you what to believe; I am not even telling you things that I know beyond a doubt. I am telling you what I have been taught by wise people that I trust; what makes sense in my mind in my life (so far); and what resonates with my own soul experience as a seeker.

There are six major schools of yogic thought, and the Kriya lineage flows from the Sankaya school. There is one Divine Creator; one God. We are all a part of that Divine Creator. In the same way that water is all WATER. Even though some of it might create an ocean, and some might be sweat, and some might be an ice cube in your soda (organic, all natural soda, right?). It’s all still water. Separate out that ice cube, and it looks so different. Return it to its source, and it effortlessly merges with it. Our spirits, they are like that.

Might be a good time to define the difference between spirit and soul. In Kriya Yoga, the spirit is the actual piece of divinity that is your essence; the soul is the storage place of memories, and karma.

On the Earth plane, there is duality; that divine portion of us, spirit (in Sanskrit, purushra) and the matter (Sanskrit, prakrati). Matter includes everything you can see, as well as thought forms, etc.; everything that is NOT spirit, is matter.

At some point, we, as spiritual beings, a portion of the spiritual whole, found a being more balanced than any of the others we had ever met; more balanced than ourselves. We asked this divine being, how did you come to being so balanced? In such a pure state of deep knowledge of yourself? And he/she told us, look, I made a creation; a mirror in which to come to know myself; this Universe. And we, being curious, asked if we could take form to come to know ourselves; to enmesh ourselves in matter to experience this creation. And we did. And as we did so, we became very attached to our earthly existence and the physical pleasures and sensations of this realm. The more attached we became, the more we continued to draw ourselves back here.

. . . . . continued in the next blog . . . .

Protection

2011-04-22T17:54:00.010-04:00

Encountered some grumpy people this week? Yep, me, too.

Being a yogi, I look at it in terms of energy. I am sensitive to other people’s energies; if I am around an angry person, it makes me anxious, even if they are not angry with me. If someone is sad, my heart breaks for them. When someone driving lays on the horn, it makes my heart race. Some people are impervious to these types of encounters, but I am not.

The older I get the more capable of maintaining some separation between other people’s emotions and mine. It is a practice to detach from emotionality so that you can see things clearly, and offer assistance.

It is kinda like if a doctor saw you wounded and got so upset about it she couldn’t do what needed to be done to help you. Even if it is not a crisis situation, day-in-day-out interactions with difficult people sucks your personal prana (energy, chi, whatever you like to call it) supply dry.

One of your first go-to solutions should be water; water is magical, there is nothing else like it on the planet. Drinking water helps to remove impurities, whether they are physical or energetic; add a squeeze of fresh lemon to really move things out.

Frequent showers help; visualize negativity flowing off of you like dirt. Use the power of intention. When I shower I always say “I release back to the Universe the pain, the suffering and the fear that I’ve absorbed from my fellow beings and I neutralize that pain, that suffering and that fear.” Not everyone needs to go to that level, but because of the work I do, extra care is required.

Baths are great as well, but since you are soaking, it’s a good idea to add Epsom salts to the bath; they really draw out impurities and neutralize negative thought forms that may have become stuck in your energy field. Add a couple drops of essential oil, and you’ve got yourself a relaxing spa moment; just remember to use your intention again, don’t just sit there inspecting the grout.

Cover your chakras; I always think it is a little unfair that businessmen normally wear a silk tie that covers their throat chakra on down; they are energetically protected because silk insulates. For women, get on the Winter Silks website and get yourself a silk camisole or two. They are inexpensive (though they have to be hand washed, ugh), good to wear if you are going to be somewhere where there is a lot of stressed out people. They even sell silk sweaters and other garments. A silk scarf around the throat and chest area would work well.

Covering your heart or throat chakra with a stone or medallion is also a great idea and very protective. Some stones are more protective than others (ex: amethyst), so take a few minutes to ponder your choices (if you live near downtown Roanoke, Seeds of Light on the Market has some beautiful reasonably priced ones in the cases on the wall behind the cash register). Try it, you will be surprised how much it helps.

Wearing something around your wrist covers the small chakras there; it is one of the reasons we Kriya yogis wear malas on our wrists. Look back at drawings from ancient times; people often wore some type of bracelet or cuff on their wrists.

If you have an argument in your home or office, light a stick of sandalwood incense, or spray some rosewater around to dissipate the negative energy. Ever noticed there are certain stores or houses that are always for sale or for rent? No business can ever make a go there? It’s all about the negative energy. And intention! When I purify a space I usually say in my mind “I release from this space any and all negative energies and entities, and I bring in love and light.”

Finally, cultivate your self-awareness. Work on your ability to be self-contained, and how to breathe through difficult situations and personalities. Own your ability to protect yourself; to even just visualize yourself being wrapped in golden-white light, or whatever color you perceive as protective. Thoughts are things; use them wisely.

Shanti,

Jill

Waste

2011-04-21T13:21:00.005-04:00

Usually, I wear my hair pulled back into a ponytail; I prefer the no “ouch” covered hair bands with little grippies on them so it stays put. Not one to fiddle around with hair. Just want it out of my face when I practice and teach.

Last Summer my supply dwindled to one hair band. Some misplaced; some broke; I like to pretend my daughters commandeered the rest.

The thing is, when I had only one hairband, I was really good at keeping up with it. Made sure it was in the same place every night so I could put it on in the morning; if I pulled it out, I put it on my wrist. Very careful, because there wasn’t another one; I kept that one band for many, many months.

This month I purchased another pack of bands. And it is interesting how frivolous I have been with those new bands. Instead of going from the bathroom to the bedroom to find the band I wore last night, I’ve been just whipping out a new band. They are everyone; bedroom, bathroom, car, purse.

Who cares, you might say, about my losing hairbands? Well, it has started to remind me of waste in general; of taking things for granted. It makes me think of Japan, and the suffering people of Japan; and particularly, the problems with the nuclear power plants. The man-made problem of the power plants has the potential to be much worse than the horror caused by the earthquake and tsunami.

Why, I wonder, don’t we all have solar panels on our roofs? Why are we dependent upon an energy source we scarcely understand and can barely contain for our energy needs? We have 104 nuclear power plants in this country. I had no idea.

Instead of railing against them, I turn the gaze around on myself and realize, I am the reason that they build those plants. They build those plants to feed my lifestyle. The way of many lights and electronics and gizmos and gadgets.

Got up the other night at 2:30 am and came to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The glowing stove clock, microwave clock, printer button, computer modem, cd player, coffee maker; geez, I could have probably read a book in there. Maybe it is time to trim.

We have five clock radios in this house; that is unnecessary. The microwave, do we really “need” it? Could I maybe throw more clothes over the line instead of using the dryer?

The question is, will I use wisdom and change my lifestyle, or wait and be forced to change?

Shanti,

Jill

Seven Springs Farm

2011-04-10T10:18:00.001-04:00

I am a person with good intentions. A great starter, but not much of a finisher. My life has been littered with projects begun and abandoned.

This time of year, my good intentions turn to the garden. I love to dig in the dirt. My mother-in-law likes to say that I could put a stick in the ground and it would grow for me. In my secret heart of hearts, I cherish this idea.

The reality of my life right now is that I have neither the space, sun, soil or time for a proper vegetable garden. Herbs, oh yes; a few flowers, indeed. But a properly bountiful vegetable garden, the kind that keeps a family of five eating well for a season; that takes tending and nurturing; time and attention. Preparation, preparation, preparation.

And a load of back-breaking work.

Over the years, I have learned that organic vegetable gardening is not something you can do half way. So I plant a bunch of basil, a few tomatoes, and turn to a local cooperative farm to keep us in fresh, fabulous vegetables.

Polly, the farmer at Seven Springs Farm in Floyd, Virginia, has been gardening for . . . well, forever it seems. Eternally optimistic (a requirement for someone earning their living in such a manner), incredibly talented, she (along with help from her husband and a couple interns) somehow coaxes enough gorgeous produce from her carefully amended and tended soil each Summer to feed over 100 families. And not just in the warm months. The farm shares from Seven Springs span from May into December. Starting out with the freshest greens, garlic scapes and other delectables you will never find at the local grocer, and wrapping up the season with keeper veggies like squash, garlic and potatoes.

If you live in the Roanoke area, Blacksburg or Floyd, and you want a piece of this magic; to know who grows your food; to know that care is taken not to use genetically modified seeds; that your food has not been sprayed with chemical gunk; to have the opportunity to work a few hours at the farm in exchange for a portion of your food; NOW is the time to sign-up. You’ve only got a couple weeks left to grab a spot; for more check out http://www.7springsfarm.com/csa/csaprospectus.html.

Return from Retreat

2011-04-06T12:17:00.005-04:00

Just returned from a beautiful three-day sound healing retreat at the Stillheart Institute. Gorgeous place in the redwood forests of California. The retreat was led by my sister in spirit, Camella Nair. Check out her site at www.camellayoga.org.

I have a few observations from my travels.

*Note to self: do not wear a long, full, flowy, hippy-skirt to the airport. Unless you seek to experience a full leg up-to-the-crotch pat down by a large woman wearing blue plastic gloves. Though, I guess it could have just been the karmic result of me observing the woman in front of me wearing a tight micro-mini corduroy skirt and thinking “who travels comfortably in something like that?”

*The Roanoke airport is dead as a doornail; except, when it isn’t. After years of flying out of here, I showed up less than an hour before my flight and had to stand in line in security forever. How many 6:00 am flights can there be? I made the flight; my luggage, however, did not.

*Is there anyone on the planet who fits comfortably in an airplane seat? Even with my sweater balled up to support my lumbar, the headrest hits me right at the top of the back of my head. Five hours of jalandhara bandha, anyone?

*When you go on retreat with yoga people, even if you don’t know a soul, you will leave with a bunch of new friends and a deep sense of community and connectedness.

*Tree hugging is underrated.

*Why when I travel do I take so many books? I slipped a couple into my luggage, had two in my purse, and then a pile that I threw in at the last minute. SEVEN books, including my dream journal. For four days. Guess I am an optimist.

*I need to remember: it is so hard to make the time for myself; to get away. To leave the family, spend the money, whatever. But it is an important part of keeping me centered, healthy, happy and on the path.

Wish me luck on re-entry . . . .

Shanti,

Jill

The Bees (a poem)

2011-03-23T13:52:00.008-04:00

I am the blogger who speaks for the bees
who seem to be vanishing, notice this, please.

Beautiful day, it is 80 degrees.
So from home I do roam to admire the trees.

Blossoming peach, apple, pear and more.
Circle the neighborhood, beauty galore,

trees cloaked in flowers, colors are glistening,
daffodils, hyacinths; something is missing?

Violets, quince, the humble dandelion;
but where is the humming? No bees are alighting,

I remember the Summers and Springs that have past
when trees were just humming, alive with a mass
of honeybees, bumblebees, small creatures with wings
who, we seem to forget, do important things,

which include pollinating the things that we eat.
And so when I walk, two miles, up the street
my heart fills with sadness; where did they go?
Down in my soul, I already know.

Chemical spraying for grass, perfect green.
People want produce looking pristine.
Purveyors of chemical, toxic solutions
persist despite all of our resolutions.

Go green! Earth first! On surface, maybe true,
but when it comes down to it, what do you do?
Are you buying organic? Not spraying your lawn?
Have you switched your dishsoap or still using Dawn?

I am the blogger, who speaks for the bees
and I offer this hopeful note to you, see
at the end of my walk was a huge weeping cherry
and there – there were bees! Though not very many.

Choose to act carefully; examine your ways;
be a blessing to bees in these coming days.

And maybe; just maybe; they won’t ALL go away.

Shanti,

Jill

Preparation

2011-03-16T14:14:00.002-04:00

So; how are you doing? It’s been an interesting year so far; my personal experience is time flying by; lots of chaos and busy-ness; progress, but with a price. And even from my insulated vantage point in Roanoke, the world is changing fast.

The rebellion and crisis happening in parts of the world is going to spread; this is really the end of many things, but the beginning of others. And crisis, rebellion and destruction are the themes.

I began writing this blog last Wednesday, before what went down in Japan, because of all the talk in astrology circles about this Friday’s moon being a “super moon” – very close to the Earth. As I drove home to write the blog, I saw that the government had put up a “preparedness” type billboard near my house. Interesting.

It is one thing to have the mind prepared; to embrace change, be ready to let go of your current reality; but it is quite another to actually let things go. And right now, the lines are blurry; real life, dream life; reviewing the past, contemplating the future.

These next few years, there will be plenty of environmental disturbance. These are fundamental suggestions, but from now on (I mean, from NOW ON . . .);

Have water on hand; enough for your family for several days. Have food on hand. Food that doesn’t need to be cooked or prepared; canned food and staples; food for your pets. Don’t depend on daily trips to Kroger or the Co-op because you are always out of something. Don’t go all end-of-the-world on me, but stock up, and then rotate your stock so there is no waste.

Create local food connections; find someone who raises chickens and will sell you eggs; register for a local food cooperative like Seven Springs Farms or Good Food Good People. Dig up a little garden bed, or fill some planters with herbs and greens. Realize there might be disruptions in shipments of food, gas, and pretty much anything else you can imagine.

Have a basic plan to pack up your car and be gone for a while. Have a check list of things you would not want to leave behind if you had to get out of town quickly. Basics like clothes, blankets, diapers; phone, charger; maybe one of those crank-up radios that doesn’t need electricity. A can opener; important documents; road maps; medicines; matches and flashlights.

Don’t let your gas tank get to below ¼ a tank; I know it’s a pain, and you don’t have time; but if something comes up and you need to get to a safe place, you don’t need to sit in a gas line. Time to be a grown up; fill up more often.

Have a little cash on hand – just a couple hundred dollars in small bills. You need to make sure that if computer systems went down you wouldn’t be driving around trying to find someone to take your debit card.

And most important; listen to your intuition. You get a strong feeling you should do something, call someone, go somewhere; whatever; go with it. Tune into that inner wisdom now, and always.

Shanti,
Jill

Current Astro Info

2011-03-10T19:33:00.003-05:00

You think life has been flying by? Technology boggling the mind? Rebellion in the air?

Well, buckle up, my friend; the planet Uranus goes into the sign of Aries Friday, March 11, 2011, at 7:49 pm EDT.

Which means, um – what?

Well, first of all, Uranus is the planet of freedom, change, rebellion, electricity; Aries is the sign of the Ram; expect this energy to be as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Not necessarily bad; just quick, fast, and intense. Had a little more of a temper lately? Yep, that’s this force. Been feeling oppressed and ready to break free from something or someone? Uh-uh.

Savvy enough to know what house Aries is in your personal birthchart? Then you know what area of your life is about to experience some radical change.

How to handle this energy? Well, if you’ve really got it figured out, call me; cause I’m not 100 percent sure myself. But, I’m trying to embrace change; be open-minded enough not to freak out when it arrives.

I’m trying to embrace technology; because that’s about to hit the fast-forward button to the max. I’m totally open to other realms, other worlds; a tear in the fabric of the Universe as it were. I’m cautious but optimistic that we’ll embrace this period and use it to our collective highest good.

Trying to avoid people who are obviously stuck in the old ways; who are entrenched in their personal views, and unable to be flexible, open and optimistic. Cause we need to be sending out the positivity; with all the energies about to go down these next few years, there is no room for the “glass half empty” people in my life.

Going to do some journaling and review of the period 3/9 through 3/12; look at my world and the world around me for the proverbial “writing on the wall.”

And, vibe strong.

Shanti,

Jill

Yoga Instructor Burn-Out

2011-03-10T17:49:00.005-05:00

Several years ago I overheard two yoga instructors chatting. One said “oh, I teach about 15 classes per week right now; it’s my livelihood, you know.” My mind immediately was critical. “How?” my mind judged. How could you teach that many classes a week and do it well?

As you might guess, in the beautiful way the Universe instructs us, in less than a year I found myself teaching 15 classes a week; or more.

Owning a yoga studio has been a terrific blessing, but also more work that I could have dreamed. The challenge of running the Studio and teaching classes to support it; raising three young children; maintaining a marriage and a spiritual practice; is very hard work , indeed.

There are days I’d prefer to have my old life of a stay-at-home Mom. No conflict between my schedule and their schedule. Have a clean house; have homemade cookies in the cookie jar. It is a tremendous gift to have children and be able to be home when they are home; to stay home when they are ill. My husband has worked incredibly hard for the years I had that priviledge, and now I more fully appreciate that gift.

All the rules have changed now that I’m working, and the challenge of staying on the “want to teach” side instead of the “have to teach” side is one I’ve met often, and will again in the days and years to come.

For me, the first order of business is to take care of my body. Along with keeping myself hydrated, well-rested, and eating as much whole food as possible, I get a massage every month. Consider it essential, like brushing my teeth. Constant giving and no receiving is unsustainable. Massage really keeps my physical battery charged, and immune system strong. Don’t have the cash for that? Try swapping a private yoga session with a local massage therapist. But, truly, it is WAY cheaper than the co-pay for a doctor’s visit and even one round of antibiotics.

When classes seem rote, or I’ve said the same phrase constantly, it’s time for me to take a class. Seems so simple, but too often yoga instructors never take another teacher’s class. For me to hear how they describe a pose, or see how they sequence their class can inspire a shift or change for me.

The other side of taking another instructor’s class can be to approach it as a mental discipline to just “be” in the class and not be analyzing it. (“Well, I would not have done that many backbends without a twist . . . . “ – instructors know what I mean!) To truly immerse yourself as a student helps me to reconnect to my original love of yoga; and the savasana is always sweeter in a class setting for me than at home.

Speaking of a home practice, if you are a yoga teacher, you’ve got to have one – even if it’s “legs up the wall” for twenty minutes. Teaching is not practicing. Your home practice has to keep evolving and growing, or your student’s growth will outpace you. That’s fine if it happens naturally, and they move onto new things, for but don’t let it be because you yourself have stopped growing.

Subscribing to a couple yoga magazines can be helpful; always go through and tear out the sections on poses and keep them in files; I have one labeled “sequences,” one labeled “inspiration,” and another labeled “poses.” When boredom strikes, or I feel like the poses or sequencing is stale, a look through these articles can help to find a new approach, or a pose that I personally wish to master. Your students are a mirror. Recognize you tend to attract people with the same issues you have either had in the past, or are dealing with now. Your personal growth, the poses that are helping you will in turn help your students.

Ask other teachers what good books they’ve read lately, and borrow them. A book on mudras inspired me to research and practice several of them regularly, and my students love them. A book on Yoga Nidra led me to using the scripts in some of my restorative classes, and again, the students really loved the experience. Then again, if your nightstand only has yoga books, it’s time to find something else to read. Don’t think everything you read has to be spiritual or yogic. A great escapist novel or learning something new and different – perhaps another language -- keeps the mind sharp, and allows you to let go of your attachment to your yogic persona.

And finally, for me, yoga is a spiritual experience. If I am able to stay connected to the Divinity -- remember that I’m a spiritual being having a human experience -- it allows me to be patient with myself and with my students. To remember to recognize that all is change. And that this body, this mind, this personality; they don’t teach yoga classes. The teachings flow through my vehicle.

It is my job to open up, and receive.

Shanti,

Jill

What is Love?

2011-02-14T17:31:00.007-05:00

Fascinating that we use one word for the vast concept called “love.” Casually tossed around, we use it to end a letter, the equivalent of “goodbye.” Or it can be whispered with quiet determination into your ear by someone you feel a deep connection to, and instantly the mind stops, and your entire universe shifts.

Same word.

We talk a lot about love. Think a lot about love. Have major expectations about love. But really, what is love?

For many people love is attachment; duty; something that comes with a lot of baggage and loads of fine print. (“I love you if” . . . “I love you when” . . . .) My spiritual teacher uses a different word – “prem” -- a Sanskrit term that means Divine love. Love with no opposite.

This world is a place of opposites – hot and cold, up and down, right and wrong, love and hate.

Real love has no opposite.

Unfortunately, many people twist love to mean absolute obedience; love without question or reason; love in the face of abuse and neglect. Complete surrender to another person’s personality. This is absolutely wrong. Allowing yourself to be harmed or demeaned doesn’t teach you anything. And it also creates negativity for the person mistreating you. Suffering is not noble, nor helpful. Real love doesn’t ask you to become a doormat.

How do you find and experience real love? Like most things, the journey begins within you.

You must first fall in love with yourself. Not through massive ego pumping; not from a sense of self-importance or conceit. And certainly not through external things, like how much you weigh, or if you’re having a good hair day.
Love of the self begins with the knowledge that there is a part of you that is connected to something vast and eternal. It comes from being an honorable person, and making choices that allow you to be your best self, both on the inner plane and in the outer world.

It comes from being really honest. Becoming aware of when you are telling yourself untruths about your choices and circumstances.

Love comes from forgiving yourself ; recognizing you are human, and not perfect. And yet, holding yourself to a standard. Finding that space between mentally battering yourself for mistakes, or always making excuses.

Who do you believe you love and honor the most in your life? Ask yourself; is it “prem?” The love of the Divine, with no caveats, no contracts? And then, you must turn the question around and look at yourself. Do you treat yourself as well as you treat this other person? Do you love yourself as well and as true?

Be willing to see the truth within yourself and recognize that no matter how many love relationships you have experienced, no matter how connected to yourself you thought you were -- you may only be at the beginning of your journey to discovering real love.

Shanti,

Jill

Timing

2011-02-02T07:48:00.003-05:00

I am certain you have heard the expression, “timing is everything.” Well; it sorta is.

You could work very hard to till the soil; amend it with compost; erect a sturdy fence; etc., etc.; but if you plant your tomatoes here in Roanoke in November, you will not be harvesting come February; they are going to die. Do the same thing in May, and by August you will find your tomato bliss.

The only difference? Timing.

Today, Wednesday, February 2, is a New Moon (in Aquarius). The most auspicious time for starting anything; for creating. Whether it is planting a new thought, a new venture; or simply hitting your personal “reset” button.

And as the dark Moon slowly grows with each passing day, what we have seeded; in our consciousness, in our lives, comes to fruition at the Full Moon. Maybe not completion, though in some cases, yes. Look to the symbols that will develop around that Full Moon (Friday, February 18, as the Sun moves into Pisces) to see what you have planted.

And, again – remember. As Goswami Kriyananda reminds us, this is the Garden of God. Whatsoever we sow is what we reap. If you don’t like what you have been harvesting lately, don’t curse the bounty. Whatever it is, you earned it, be it positive or negative from your point of view.

If you wish to receive something different, you must begin at the planting stage; remembering to nurture and feed that which you wish to grow.

Still not sure what to plant? Maybe you want THIS or maybe you want THAT? Stop flipping through the seed catalogs and looking at the pretty pictures; turn your attention inward; and discern: what do I REALLY want to do; to create?

Look at the world around you; look at the world at large; things are getting crazy, and will get crazier; find your inner peace, your inner balance, your inner strength NOW.

Turn, Turn, Turn
[words-adapted from The Bible, book of Ecclesiastes
music-Pete Seeger]

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Wake Me Up

2011-01-31T09:39:00.002-05:00

If you’ve made it to one of my Hatha 2 classes in the past few months, you have probably heard the song “Bring Me to Life” by Evanesence.

Ahhh, love to rock out in a yoga class.

But, seriously; it is so important that we all wake up, and soon.

Part of this cycle is to rip away our delusions; to peek behind the proverbial curtains and figure out who all the (allegedly) great and powerful Oz’s REALLY are. If you read the paper, you can see it coming on a large scale.

The question is, can you see it in your life? Are you awake?

Can you take full responsibility for who you are, and where you are in life? Whatever it is that is happening to you, the people around you; you’ve brought them into your circle. Why?

Wake Up.

Can you look at the cycles of your life; the continual issues that follow you around from job to job, from relationship to relationship? Do you understand why they keep reoccurring? Or are you always blaming other people?

Wake Up.

How many systems are you utterly dependent upon? It can boggle the mind to think how dependent we are on banks, electricity, gas and oil; on 1-2 gigantic food producers. The massive, flawed heath care system. What would happen if we even had 1 week without one of those systems functioning?

Wake Up.

During the coming cycle, things will change so quickly and so dramatically; how entrenched are you in your ways of thinking? How rigid in your mind, in your habits? How attached to your labels and identities?

Wake Up.

Do you have healthy ways of coping with change; with stress; with the huge shifts that are coming? Or is your answer to numb yourself in the countless ways our society provides?

The choice is to either wake up NOW, prepare, ponder; or wait for the alarm to go off. What are you choosing?

Shanti,

Jill

Tips for Taking a Yoga Class

2011-01-01T18:34:00.010-05:00

Last month I gave the “Beginner’s Yoga Pep Talk” as a way to answer some basic questions. This month, I’m offering suggestions to improve your class experience; and, tell you a few things that your yoga teacher (well, I guess I can’t speak for everyone); what I would want you to know about coming to class.

Let’s start with clothing. Wear something snug fitting, so that your instructor can see your body. We need to see what your joints are doing so you don’t get hurt. Some instructors (the teacher who trained me, for example), insist on students wearing shorts and tank tops to see the knees and shoulders. I don’t have that rule, simply because I am personally not evolved enough to like my thighs

Another reason to wear something snug is so that when you bend forward, you don’t get a face full of t-shirt; you can’t see what you’re doing, and you’ll spend all your time tugging it down.

Try to arrive to class on time. But, at the same time, don’t hesitate to walk in late. We’re located downtown; parking can be an issue. But realize that you’ll miss the essential centering and warm-up period of class. If you do come late, please enter quietly; spend a few moments getting yourself together; do a few gentle poses (maybe cow/cat, or several sun salutes) before joining the group.

That said, if you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, you might want to wait until the next class.

PLEASE tell your instructor if you have had any recent surgery (like, last five years), if you are pregnant, or if a medical doctor has ever told you NOT to do something. It makes my head explode when I look at an intake form that indicates no medical problems, and then after class the student says “oh, yeah, when I had that knee replacement last year . . . .” Eek.

You can get seriously injured doing yoga, and no instructor wants that to happen during their watch. Tell us the truth; and be able to tell us the limitations that your medical doctor has imposed.

Realize that if your instructor is correcting you, either verbally or by touch, it’s not because you’re not good at yoga; we’re trying to help you. If you don’t want us to touch you, you need to tell us. Because we kinda think that’s our job, but truly, we don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.

Do your best not to look around the room at other students. Sometimes it is necessary, to figure out what the pose is if you didn’t understand the instructions; or maybe you dropped off into your happy place and are mentally rejoining the class. Sometimes you will just watch when more advanced students are doing something you aspire to do. But, please don’t compare yourself to other people, or judge them. Yoga class MUST be a safe place, and it is my job to make it so.

Another thing is to honor the body; don’t over-do your practice, don’t over-do your breath. If you need to rest; go to child’s pose. If you need to go to the bathroom, then go to the bathroom. Especially before the final relaxation. We’ve worked very hard to get you into this state of peace and balance. We want you to enjoy the savasana, not lay there thinking “need to pee . . . really need to pee . . . .”

Another word about savasana; please allow us to bring you whatever you need to become comfortable. Take that extra moment to get a blanket for your feet, to place a bolster under your knees. In our culture, you have been taught that just laying around for five minutes is a waste of time. It is our job to teach you that that is not true. This short period of time is absolutely vital to your practice, and is one of the most important things you will do in a day. That may not be your initial experience; but trust me on this one.

After class -- if you have used one of the communal mats -- if you were sweaty or feel like you might have some unfortunate germs to share, please use the mat cleaner and paper towels in the cabinet and clean your mat. We wash them, but certainly not after every class; it’s a classic “do unto others” thing.

If you enjoyed the class, tell your instructor. If there was something that bothered you, tell them that also. Not feeling up to a bit of face-to-face truth telling? Then email the Studio owner, or leave a note; at Uttara, we have a comment box near the coat rack. Help us to become better teachers, and better people.

And, finally, practice. You give no greater gift to your instructor than to take the teachings into your life; nothing makes my heart sing like knowing a student has developed a home practice. Knowing they’ve begun to volunteer somewhere, or used the teachings to improve their everyday life. That’s what it’s all about.

I serve you, and in doing so, you give a gift to me. And back, and forth; again, and again.

It’s a dance of giving, and receiving; of uniting. Of recognizing that you, and me; we're connected. It is, yoga.

Shanti,

Jill

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

2010-12-31T14:22:00.007-05:00

Sorry so few blogs this month friends. In an interesting turn of events, the motherboard in my computer crashed after writing the blog about Mercury retrograde.

Really.

So, a little catch up time -- how was your Winter Solstice? Full lunar eclipse that day. Look back to the symbols, day before, day of and day after.

How were your holidays – and how did you do with the karma? Family and otherwise? I hope you were patient with yourself (and everyone else) and became aware of some long-term patterns.

Next up, a partial solar eclipse, along with some other interesting planetary action, on January 4, 2011. Another big day to observe with wisdom the symbols in your life and in the world around you.

And, right in the middle, the calendar New Year, January 1. Ahhhh, time for that annual tradition (which I hope is not drinking your weight in champagne). Resolutions.

Or, in yogic terms, maha tarka. Maha=great. Tarka=review.

Because though you don’t want to spend your life looking backward, you must see what has transpired in order to manifest the future with wisdom and insight. Take some time to peruse your 2010 journal, if you keep one, or your calendar before we begin. Light a candle. Take a couple deep, centering breaths. Have your paper and pen ready, because I have some questions for you.

1. How was your relationship with yourself this year? Are you pleased with your personality? Are you the person you have dreamed of being? Are you the person you think you are?

2. How is your relationship with money this year? How about with anything you value; your possessions? And what about that ultimate possession, your memory track?

3. How well did you communicate this year; with yourself, with others? How is your relationship with your siblings?

4. How was your relationship with your Mother this year? And how about your home life? Did you create a stable, comfortable, safe place to retreat to daily?

5. Did you have fun this year? Have you carved out a portion of your life for pleasure, joy, and creativity? Speaking of creations – how is your relationship with your children?

6. How’s your job? You know, whatever it is that you do that pays the bills. How about your service to others – or do you serve others at all?

7. Let’s talk about your relationship – with your partner, spouse, lover, or whatever moniker you assign to that special person. How’s it going? Not a list of their foibles and problems – you. How did you feed and grow the relationship?

8. Did you spend any time investigating the occult? (meaning that which is hidden); how are the deepest places within you shifting and transforming? How’s your sex life? (Yes, I said, sex life.) And, did anyone around you transition out of this place – did you resolve any issues you might have had with them?

9. How did your spiritual journey progress this year? Did you make time and space to grow and learn and challenge yourself to expand the parameters of your mind and spirit to encompass this beautiful planet, and the Universe you reside in? School and church fall in this category.

10. How’s your relationship with your Father and/or other authority figures in your life? And also with your greater work in this world? There’s the job that pays the bills, and then there’s that something that you alone bring to this world; are you sharing it? Nurturing it? Bringing it?

11. How is your relationship with your friends? With groups of people that you spend time with or are involved with?

12. Finally, the areas of your life that are hidden; were you able to tap into your deepest reserves of strength, or did you tend to wallow in those ways of being that lead to your own self-destruction?

These 12 areas of life correspond to the 12 houses in astrology. They tell you where in your life things are going along smoothly . . . as well as where they’re not flowing harmoniously. Hopefully by looking at your answers, this will give you a little insight as to the areas of your life where you need to work a little harder; be a little more self-aware; or, perhaps, change the way you live.
And then, create your resolutions.

Start at the root of the problem. You cannot just say “I want to improve my relationship.” You need to resolve to change your behavior in the relationship; perhaps resolve to take a breath and ask yourself if what you are about to say to that person is kind and true. Maybe the person in relationship with you doesn’t feel loved because you are offering love in the way that you would like to receive it, instead of looking at them and realizing what would make them feel more loved, more cared for.

If you decide to lose weight for the new year, don’t resolve “I will lose weight.” Resolve to walk more and sit less; resolve to eat healthier foods and drink more water; resolve to see your body as a temple and treat it accordingly. Those are the kinds of resolutions that get results.

I wish you a 2011 filled with love and peace. I wish for you the self-awareness to navigate the karma with wisdom. This year is not going to be an easy one; but we will all learn a lot, and grow in ways we cannot even imagine today.

Shanti,

Jill

Mercury Retrograde

2010-12-09T17:28:00.003-05:00

Alright, darlings; buckle your seatbelts; Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow (Friday, December 10).

Pooh-pooh me all you want; that’s my karmic payback for my pooh-poohing astrology for years and years. But I’m telling you; it’s going to be an interesting month.

Things have already been rocking a little bit – noticed some computer issues since about December 1? Funky issues with your car, or electronics? Problems with communication in general?

If not, then lucky you. You just keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing, and ignore me. This blog is for the rest of us.

Planning to buy a tv or some other technology item as a holiday gift this month? Um, don’t. Get them a gift certificate and they can go get it in January. It will have some kind of problem, break, or be totally out-of-date in no time. Seriously.

And while you’re at it, practice your relaxing, calm-yourself-down breath. Because Mars is being activated this month. Perhaps you’ve noticed people being a little grumpier? Yep, it’s not just because they weren’t in line early enough to get that $199.99 television at Wal-Mart. It’s the Mars (and the Pluto, but let’s not get too deep here). This will help give us all a little energetic push to get things accomplished, but don’t allow it to drag you into being less than the kind, generous person we all know you are.

Dates to watch this month include December 13-14, as well as the upcoming Winter Solstice on December 21. That day is also a full lunar eclipse, very big energy. Examine the symbols in your life and in the world at large a day before and after each of these days; don’t wait for December 31 to ponder where your life is heading.

And for heaven’s sake, have your happy plan in place. It’s COLD; it’s DARK; it’s the holidays. You need to do the things that keep you grounded and happy. Whether that’s eating only warm foods and getting to bed early (um, no, 11:00 pm is NOT early); scheduling a massage; saying NO to that holiday party that you really don’t enjoy, or finding a fantastic book and diving in. Whatever it is that keeps you sane, put it on your calendar and make it work.

Hanging out with fun people helps, too, so I hope you’ll join us for the Uttara Yoga Solstice Celebration at the Studio on Saturday, December 18. We’ll do a kirtan (call and response chanting, you can just listen if you like) and a brief ritual with prayer and meditation. Afterward we’ll have a veggie potluck starting around 6:30 pm. I hope you will join us for one or both.

Whether your tradition this time of year is to celebrate the return of the Sun OR the return of the Son, honor the cycles of life, honor the people around you; and, honor yourself.

Shanti,

Jill

Attachment (again)

2010-11-19T16:19:00.005-05:00

If you’ve read some of my previous blogs you know that I’ve got a thing for Star Wars. Recently we were watching the third movie, and Yoda was being his brilliant, yogic self. He says to Anakin, “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” I always point that line out to the children, and so my son, he offered to write it down for me to remember. Careful, small letters in red Sharpie on a bright slip of orange paper, with his unique seven-year-old writing (and spelling). It is taped to the cover of my laptop.

I tend to think that I have made at least a sliver of progress in the area of attachment. This week, I realized I am back to square one. Or about thirty feet behind it.

Our dear Sasha, sweet gray princess kitty, died. Or actually, I told the vet to give her medicine to make her die. We call it “putting to sleep” which is a total cop-out.

She had been getting thinner, not eating much. Still purring like a fuzzy freight train, and enjoying spending the nights (cold nights!) out exploring. That day, she was a little more hesitant in her movements; her breathing became very labored, so I took her to the vet. I was not prepared to be told she would go into cardiac arrest at any moment. That this was the end, or near it.

I asked, can I take her home to the children? One last cuddle? No, the vet said it was not wise – cardiac arrest could happen at any moment. For me to choose for the children to see her suffer; to choose to have her suffer that pain and confusion; and how long would it last??? It seemed the wrong thing to do to just wait and let it happen. He asked if I needed to call anyone. I said no. What is there to discuss? You consult the expert, and you make your decision. I knew my husband would tell me to do what I thought was right.

So I hope that I made the correct choice, but I suppose I will always feel the tug of conflict. Wouldn’t we all choose that last chance to walk outside, to look up to the sky, to be with our loved ones when that time of ending comes?

Maybe that is part of what draws us back here to incarnate again, and again, and again.

Later that evening, I complained of a headache. My son offered a kiss to the forehead, which helped a lot. “So,” he said, “Sasha’s gone. I mean, her body is still here on the Earth, but her spirit is not.” Ah, yes, sweet boy. Remind me of this great truth that is so easy to speak and sometimes so hard to understand.

Goodbye, dear Sasha-belle. Great yogi-cat-teacher who showed me how to live a life of work balanced with play; how to find the best, sunny soft spots to lounge; and to relax like you mean it. How to be unflinchingly yourself, and embrace your inner wandering-wild-outdoor-nature-loving-independent-but-living-with-others self. How to find fun in simple things, like tail chasing. Not to complain or whine (well, maybe if breakfast is late), and to love love love love without expectation or restriction.

In her final breaths, as I cried and cried and cried, and wished in my deepest darkest places that this would not happen, she taught me that I am still very much attached. To her, to my family, to my friends, to everything.

Much work left to do.

Shanti,

Jill

Beginner's Yoga Pep Talk

2010-11-13T18:34:00.004-05:00

Well, hello there. So, you’re thinking about taking a yoga class? You’ve heard it’s good for you. And out of all the things that you’ve heard of lately that are good for you (like fish oil, ewwww), yoga sounds somewhat appealing. You think, well, yes, it might help my body. I could be a little more flexible; maybe work toward a stronger core, build some upper body strength. Learn to relax my mind, handle stress a little better. Learn a little about proper breathing.

So you’ve probably visited the website once or twice . . . okay, 25 times, and you’ve looked at the schedule. What does “hatha” mean? And how “beginners” is Beginners Yoga? Are there men in classes at Uttara? And, um what do they wear?

What happens if I plant my mat down next to some spandex-clad rubberband wondergirl, and I can’t do what her 20-years-younger-than-me body can do, and then I just want to go home and sit on the couch?

Ahhhhhh. It takes some guts to show up for that first class, it’s true. And you also have to find (um, actually MAKE) the time to do it. That alone can be so difficult.

Some answers to the above questions: first, hatha (correctly pronounced “hah-ta”) means the “sun” and the “moon” – the “ha” and the “ta” – it is a style of yoga that is balancing, but also forceful. And beginner’s yoga can be for someone with absolutely no yoga experience on up to experienced yogis looking for a more relaxed class, or to perfect their practice.

Remember that any pose can be adapted to suit any body; just be patient, use the props your instructor offers you, remember that it is a PRACTICE, and go from there.

Yes, there are lots of men who practice at Uttara; some are beginners, some in between, and we have a dedicated few that have been coming consistently since we opened (and have progressed beautifully, and you know who you are!). And guys generally wear shorts and a t-shirt that is either snug, or can be tucked in (to avoid wardrobe malfunctions whilst going upside down.) Click on the Facebook link from our Home Page to see some photos from actual classes and maybe that will help you to see what people wear to class.

If you DO happen to end up next to Little Miss Spandex, keep in mind that she’s just doing what her body can do; be inspired if you glance her way. You are supposed to be paying attention to your own body and your own practice. Learn to stop judging yourself (and her, and everyone else in your life, for that matter).

It’s all part of the practice. Because, you see, what you learn on your mat – about your body, about your mind, you take out into the world. However it is you practice, is also usually how your live your life.

What else would I want every beginner to know about yoga and about Uttara?

First, that we are a welcoming place. The vibe is not competitive at all. Each student is encouraged to work at their own pace, and not push beyond their own limits.

The classes are TAUGHT, they are not just led. It is not just an instructor, up there on their mat, doing their practice while you try like crazy to keep up. You are instructed in the poses; you can ask questions; the teachers come around and make adjustments and assist you in the poses. And if you don’t want us to touch you, please just tell us and we’ll leave you alone! I remember being a beginner and not wanting anyone near me. I thought negative things about my body, and assumed everyone who looked at me thought the same awful things, somehow proximity made it worse.

One of the hallmarks of an advanced student is that they usually loved to be mashed on by the instructor, but it takes time to build that relationship (with yourself and the instructor) and to feel comfortable in your own skin. We understand this, just speak your truth.

Now, just because we want you to respect your own limits doesn’t mean we won’t push you. Not all yoga is easy-breezy mild stretching and breathing. My personal taste runs to butt-kicking, music-blasting yoga. I like to work you hard, get you warm, and then wrap it up with deep, longer-hold postures. And I mostly offer 1 hour classes because that’s what I can squeeze into my life when I practice. But that’s just my personal style. You have to try different classes, different styles of yoga, different instructors. A hatha class with one instructor might be quite different with another.

Just, whatever you do, don’t just keep thinking about it. Actually go to a class. If the classes at Uttara don’t fit your schedule, try another Studio; get a video; get a book. Schedule a private. Get together with a friend.

And, please -- stop thinking that you’ll do yoga later, when you have time, when things “calm down” -- because that is not going to happen; you won’t ever HAVE the time, you have to MAKE it. You’re not going to magically get stronger, more flexible, more serene, more focused -- unless you PRACTICE.

Quit making excuses, be truthful with yourself, and get past your fear.

You will be so glad when you do.

I’ll see YOU, in class.

Shanti,

Jill

Bethany Hall

2010-10-26T15:39:00.002-04:00

There probably would be no Uttara Yoga Studio if there wasn’t Bethany Hall.

True statement.

When I took my yoga teacher training I had no intention to teach adults or to do anything so bold as open a studio; my concept was to bring yoga to the schools and to children.

Keep this in mind if you sign up for a yoga teacher training and you think you have a "plan" -- your whole way of living and being in this world is going to change. Guaranteed.

In our training we were assigned Personal Reflection Questions; they were questions designed for self-exploration and understanding. It was optional to share them with our Program Advisor. I always shared mine, because she really "heard" me and always offered helpful comments and suggestions.

One of our assignments was to meditate on a group who might need our help. I did the meditation, and Bethany Hall popped into my mind. Which was a bit odd. I knew that there was this house next door to our church called Bethany Hall; and that only women lived there; and that they were in some kind of therapy or something related to addiction. That they occasionally helped out at the church with cleaning and other duties, and often kept our children in the nursery on holidays. The women were always kind and polite; just average people, like me. Looking back, I’m embarrassed to admit that after years of attending our church, I really had only the most remote idea of what was happening next door.

So, when I answered the question, I wrote that the women of Bethany Hall came into my meditation, and that once I was certified and a “real” yoga teacher, perhaps I might offer them a class.

My advisor, in her infinite wisdom, noted in the margins: "Why wait? If you wish to be taught, you must teach.”

Well, that sucked the wind right out of my sails; I mean, seriously, it was just a short meditation, right? What was I supposed to do, just call them up and say “Hey, um, I’m not really a yoga teacher yet, but I’d like to teach you yoga.” And what about mats? And what would they wear? And a place to do the class? And music? And . . . and . . . and . . . .

It was a time to either show up or shut up. So I called the main number. Was referred a nurse, who was open to alternative therapies. And, low and behold, she said “Sure – that would be great. We already have mats, someone volunteered a couple years back to teach yoga classes. When do you want to start?”

I contacted the church, who graciously allowed us to use their basement; ordered some blocks; collected my husband’s old neckties to use as straps, and we began.

I will never forget the start of that first class. I carefully arranged the small room that has windows, setting up a small altar; had my class all planned, mats laid out; we would do most poses at the wall, which is great for beginners.

For whatever reason, perhaps the size of the house, I expected a handful of women. As they began to file in, I began to count. I believe there were 14 women. Some were pregnant. They didn’t exactly looked thrilled to be there, and a small scream of panic rose up in me. What about my careful plan? No way I could teach that planned class to pregnant women. And we couldn't do the class at the wall! What about the beautifully arranged room?

We quickly relocated to the large, dark, windowless space in the other part of the church. All my planning, poof. That’s when my memory stops. I have no idea what I taught, how I taught it, or how it went. When grace flows through you, it's like that. All I know is that when I got them all settled down for savasana, the deepest feeling of peace and love and service fell over me like a blanket.

Week after week, we met in the church basement (we still do!), and week by week I realized how much I loved teaching them, and how much it made me grow. These women come from different backgrounds, different cultures, but something has brought us all together for healing. That great cosmic truth has been proven to me -- when you give, you receive even more in return.

That was where the seed was planted to open a studio; to create a beautiful, holy space; a place where people with children were welcomed; a place that provided mats and props and blankets; a place where you could come as you are and feel utterly and completely accepted.

I hope that Uttara is that place for you, as it is for me.

And now, it is time for me to return the favor to Bethany Hall. Their budget has been slashed by the Commonwealth of Virginia; giving is dropping off, and they are at a critical point. They are the only addiction program in this entire state that allows pregnant women and women with children to come into the program. It is unique, it is vital, and it has a proven record of helping women fight the curse of addiction and return to society as productive people, as loving mothers, as providers for their families.

It is coming up on the end of year, when many people plan their giving. I know money is tight for most people. It does not have to be a big check; little donations can make a big difference.

Can you help? Please mail checks to Bethany Hall, 1109 Franklin Road, Roanoke, VA 24016; all donations are tax deductible.

Can’t donate? Then pray; please.

Thank you.

Jill

http://bethanyhall.org/

Sound of Silence

2010-10-08T15:45:00.005-04:00

My life is very noisy. What about you?

Even in the stillness of a recent evening on the porch, you can hear distant traffic; the rumble of a train or jet, the hum of heat pumps. Even natural sounds, like crickets and birds, rustling leaves, dropping acorns.

I’m a little more aware of silence lately, because the ipod player for my car broke. It is so interesting how you get in the habitual pattern of getting into the car, and immediately turning on some noise; music, radio chatter, an educational cd, whatever.

It has been interesting to become aware of the relative silence in the car, and how soothing it can be.

Oh, yes, there is noise. Sometimes the thump-thump-thump from the car behind me can literally be felt before it can be heard. The car itself makes noise, the traffic, there are lots of sounds. But yet, there is still a peaceful stillness that comes from not contributing to the cacophony.

Reminds me of this past Winter, going to a friend’s house for tea. It had recently snowed (a LOT), and the ground was well covered with the white stuff. We pulled up in front of her home to see a whole group of children sledding. Without even opening the car door, you could hear music blasting. Either a child or a parent had deemed it necessary to play music on the front porch of the home where they were sledding, and wow, it was loud.

And it was sad. I have such lovely memories of the sweet crunch of boots upon fresh snow. The deep hush that envelops the world when layers of icy flakes dampen down the harsh sounds of winter. The sound of snow pants swishing against each other. Children playing, laughing, the awareness of the sound of breath amplified by the visible exhalation.

I have such lovely memories of those sounds and experiences; these kids, I’m thinking that when it snows and they are adults, their memories will conjure up some Lady Gaga song.

I wonder, what does silence really sound like?

Even in meditation, with the senses turned inward, the outer world (hopefully!) falling away, sinking into the rhythm of your breath, there are sounds. My Guru calls it the “thundering silence.” I’ve gotten glimpses of it, but have yet to be able to rest for extended periods in that deepening stillness. It is a practice, I remind myself.

If this weekend you can carve out a few moments for yourself, try to spend them in silence.

Enjoy it while you can. The leaf blowers are coming.

Shanti,

Jill

On Kindness

2010-09-24T16:15:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about kindness lately. Because it really seems that everyone is dividing into factions of dislike, distrust, and just plain dissin’.

As you move through life: how are you treating the people you don’t know?

It makes me think of earlier in the year, when I went to shop at an upscale department store; I had a gift card from Christmas. I picked out some really pretty pajamas, a gift for my mother-in-law, and a couple things for my daughters. It ended up being a pretty good pile of things. As I was being checked out, a line formed behind me. So I began taking the clothes off the hangers, folding them, and making sure the tags were facing up so the clerk could easily scan them. Another person came to help check people out, and everyone was taken care of. As we finished the transaction, the clerk leaned across the counter. “Thank you so much,” she whispered under her breath, “This is the first time since I began working here that anyone has ever helped me, and it means so much to me.” Wow. I was shocked.

This reminded me of my Guru telling us that to serve means to treat everyone like you would treat your guru, or your lover, or your own child.

So I am wondering if sometimes we are only kind to people we know, or when we feel that our kindness will return to us some benefit. Kind of like only donating to charity for the tax write off.

Intention is everything, and it is between you and the Mother-Father God to determine whether you do things out of a genuine kindness, or just to get your name in the paper. Gifts of money or time can accomplish great things, indeed, but I wonder if an accumulation of spiritual merit comes mostly from what you do when no one is looking.

Do you walk the way of kindness?

I have spent many years bumbling through life; worried only about myself and what was happening in MY life, to MY family, MY friends. Maybe it was the blinders of youth, or if I was comfortably oblivious; I know other times I willfully ignored those around me who struggled or were suffering.

Getting older has made me more aware of how important it is to walk through life as softly as you can; how important it is to choose to smile, instead of getting stuck in the dark places that my mind can create.

There is great joy in little kindnesses. Opening doors for strangers. Telling the hotel maid that she did a great job on your room. Letting someone pull out in front of your car. Taking a moment to admire someone’s adorable dog.

While you are practicing this art of kindness, there’s another aspect to it -- (here’s the kicker); you cannot judge those people who are not moving through the world mindfully. Particularly because, you’ve been one of them, at one point or another.

It simply takes a moment of thought -- When someone cuts you off on the highway, think that maybe they are hurrying to the hospital to see a loved one. When a forgetful someone makes a mistake, ponder that they may be mourning a loss, nursing a headache or heartache, or have recently buried a child.

We all rationalize our own behavior, cutting ourselves serious slack that we would never offer up to our fellow beings – particularly to people who make different choices, live different lifestyles, or have a different color skin or language

The old adage of “walk a mile in another’s moccasins” still rings true.

Go back through your day today, starting from the minute your eyes opened to now. Imagine for a moment that you will only receive back to you the kindness you gave away. How did you do?

Remember to act as if the quality of the rest of your life depends upon it. Because, it does.

Shanti,

Jill

Re-Marriage

2010-09-17T10:19:00.006-04:00

This Summer I received a Facebook post from an acquaintance – “What would you change about your wedding day?” Her question was aimed toward the ceremony; the DAY; the party (she is an event planner).

It made me smile, because, really –

Um, who cares?

I have no intention to diminish the linking of souls that the ceremony and ritual of marriage creates; but seriously, the party? Does anyone past the third year of marriage spend even five minutes contemplating how they would do the party differently?

Well – okay, yes; I’ll admit. Sometimes I wonder why we spent so much money on the wedding; why I worried about the food and the drink and the band and the dresses and, and, and . . . .

Things like arriving in a limousine, instead of just showing up in our car. It is fascinating to observe yourself become engulfed by the whirlwind of expectation.

Martha Stewart exerted an inordinate amount of control over my life during that period.

I must admit, I didn’t have the awareness to realize this until much later.
So, what would I do different?

Well, I would have spent less on the wedding and more on our house and wedding trip; I would not have registered for china or silver or whatever wacky things that seemed so critical at that moment. (Sad, but true, we almost never use the china because it cannot go through the dishwasher, and I’m much too lazy to polish silver. Ahhh, reality.)

I would have spent more time meeting with our priest, even though our pre-wedding sessions with her were only “required” because I had been divorced. Those were beautiful, critical, enlightening moments. As I look back, I realize how important it was to have someone there to independently observe and bridge the communication gaps.

I would not have hurried so much to schedule a date, though I realize why I did; I was terrified he would change his mind; and I loved (and love) him so much; it was an empty place in my soul, and I needed his commitment in front of God and everyone to feel whole.

It is good now to realize that I feel whole within myself; but truly, that growth could not have occurred without his constant, consistent support and love.

He has taught me that washing dishes, and bringing someone a cup of morning coffee, and being patient; these things demonstrate love.

That it is not the dramatic gesture; not jewelry or fancy gifts; though they are appreciated; it is the everyday kindness, caring and support that build a life together.

You have your children, and you love and adore your children; but their job is to leave you; and so they shall. But when you create a love relationship, a partnership; a marriage; as your creations prepare to depart, you still (hopefully) have one another.

I read once that any good marriage is actually a series of re-marriages. That every couple years, you grow, you change; you separate in certain ways. And that to keep your relationship together, to keep the love; you have to renegotiate the terms.

You grow, you shift; and you come back together and say “well, here is who I am, and where I am; where are you?” You work out new ground rules, new ways of being and loving. You re-marry. Or else; you don’t.

We all know what happens when you don’t.

Sometimes the disintegration is slow, methodical; sometimes, you go along in blissful ignorance, and something blows you apart. Either way; you’re done. There’s nothing there; no ties that bind, that connect; that wish to receive each other.

Would you choose to wander back through time and change anything about your wedding day? Maybe change photographers, update your hairstyle, or serve different food?

What about your relationship, right now; is there anything you would change? Any outdated patterns or ways of thinking – not just in your partner, but yourself? Do you even know the new person who your spouse or partner has become through the years? Do you know yourself?

Might be time to “re-marry.”

Shanti,

Jill

Karma

2010-08-29T20:56:00.003-04:00

Oooooooo . . . . it’s a scary little word. Karma.

People throw it around; mention it at random. But yet, most people have no idea of the power of this law of the Earth plane.

Karma is more powerful than gravity. Take a moment to ponder that.

Why? Well, because karma is going to follow you from the Earth plane. Gravity; probably not.

Karma is not a specific religious concept; it is a Law of the Universe, but not a law of punishment. It goes like this: Whatsoever you do, think or say, comes back to you.

“Whatsoever you shall sow, you shall reap.”

Okay; pretty simple: whatever you do, think or say, comes back to you.

Go back through the last 24 hours of your life; everything you did; everything you thought; everything you said (to yourself or anyone [or anything]) else on the planet; you prepared to see all that coming back at you?

Mmmmmm.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

Because karma is real; it is a valid method of soul development, and it’s happening to you right now. Some karma jumps right up in your face and presents itself; other karma comes forward later in life; other karma has to wait for the right set of circumstances to teach you – which may be in another life.

I have a personal story; my young son stole something. I won’t go into details, this is the Internet; let’s just say, it was a serious matter.

I did what all good, evolved yogi-parents do: I absolutely, totally, freaked out. (Ooops.)

Well – okay, it wasn’t the best approach; but I was devastated. He is such a good child; such a joy to a mother’s heart; it felt crushing.

Suffice it to say, serious punishment was warranted, and serious punishment was meted out. I hope it made an impression.

Back to the concept of karma. Not long after these dramatic events at home, we attended a school event –a party of sorts, where you purchased tickets for certain games or activities. And my son – he was having a great time.

He played a game, and was given a certificate for a free ticket; which he promptly took to the money desk. He extended his certificate, and was given two tickets – they were joined together, it was almost like they went together – but he stopped and he said “No – I only won one ticket.” He ripped them apart, and returned the extra ticket to the parent in charge. Her eyes widened, and another parent took note. “No!” She smiled broadly. “You are such an honest boy! You take this extra ticket, you deserve it for being honest.” Another parent chimed in “Good job, Mamma, for raising him right!” My smile was less than enthusiastic in light of recent events. But it felt like a cathartic exchange.

It was an important lesson, for us both. But another was coming our way.

That same afternoon, we decided to head to the swimming pool; it was very, very hot; the pool had just opened; and, having reached the luxurious mothering stage of being able to lounge poolside and read a book, it sounded like a lovely way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

At the pool, my son began to play with a little fabric ball that our babysitter had left in the swim bag last year. It was nothing exciting; nothing expensive; he was having a marvelous time, all by himself; tossing the ball into the pool, and jumping in after it.

I watched him toss it in, and jump in after it, and with just a glance toward my book, he yelled “Mommy, my ball – it’s gone!” And, well – DARN! – he was right. I got up and walked around; there were not a lot of people there; I had seen him throw it right into the pool -- and that ball, it was NOWHERE. We checked the drains, walked around the pool – it was gone. I told him I was sure it would turn up, and went back to my book.

Shortly thereafter, I glanced up to see a preteen girl in the pool, shoulders shrugging, surrepticiously showing her friend – she had his little fabric ball. She glanced around to see if anyone was looking, and, catching my eye, it disappeared down into the water. About 20 minutes later, she began to toss it with a friend.

As I noticed the ball being tossed about, I called to my son – “Hey, there’s your ball, go ask them for it.” – because it is important for him to be able to stand his own ground in life. He approached them, asked for his ball back, and she said, “NO!” – That it was her ball, that she had “a bunch of them.” He looked at me, and I shrugged.

At the next adult swim, he emerged from the pool. He was not overtly upset, but you could tell it bothered him.

“How does it feel,” I queried, “to have someone take something from you?”
“Not good” he mumbled.
“Remember” I said, “remember how this feels. This is your lesson.”
“Yes,” he said.
And that was that.

This is a small event; but the lesson is important, and it is real.

We are all creating our own reality; we are all learning lessons in every moment, in every exchange; everything beautiful and everything horrible; the magnificent and the mundane; all that we experience here.

Can we be wise enough to see our own creations? Wise enough to see the karmic patterns . . . to act according to the law of this Earth plane, and shift our thoughts . . . our words . . . and our deeds? To decide to sow precisely what we shall harvest?

Start today . . .

Shanti,

Jill

Symbols

2010-08-07T16:00:00.007-04:00

There have been a number of very important astrological events in the past two years, but particularly this Summer; epic, life changing, Earth shifting cosmic things (at least for those of us who believe the planets and stars impact life here on Earth.

I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again; I was an astrology naysayer; thought it was complete bull . . . um . . .crap.

That’s the beauty of yoga, and any other tradition that is based on personal experience, instead of forced belief; I looked into it; investigated. Whoa. The real deal.

As a yogi, I look to these dates of astrological significance, and I look at my life; pondering the symbols, to gain insight into the cycle. For many of these cycles are long-term; example: Pluto in the sign of Capricorn is a 14-year cycle. So, if the symbols regarding the movement of Pluto into that sign weren’t so great for you, you need to start working to soften that energy, because the only other option is to hunker down and get used to the chaos for the next 12 years.

As I ask friends about the symbols that surround these events in their life, they look at me (or email me), and ask – symbols? What do you mean, symbols?

Therefore; time to blog on symbols.

I often say that I would prefer the Universe send me a parchment scroll; dropped down out of the sky; escorted by angels; and written in English. And it would say “Jill – You must . . . (fill in the blank); you must NOT . . . (fill in the blank). I love you no matter what; hence, you have a certain amount of free will; but (fill in the blank) will occur if you make the wrong choice. Love, always, GOD.”

Knowing the way my mind functions, I would even question that – thinking, “Well, yes, it is a parchment scroll, coming down from heaven; and yes, there were angels (were there trumpets? I don’t recall trumpets.)” And I would want ANOTHER symbol; you know, something big and concrete – like a burning bush (though not too close to the house, please) to make certain that it was for real.

*Sigh* -- it doesn’t work that way.

The Universe doesn’t speak English, or Japanese; it usually doesn’t even speak drama; the big, huge events don’t usually come until you’ve missed the point a couple/three times.

Bummer.

So while you’re worrying about keeping your whites white, getting your kids into the right college, or even making the mortgage this month – these symbols, they are all around you.

Kriyanandaji gives the example of the day you are to be married. If you get up late; your dress rips as you put it on; the car taking you to the wedding gets a flat tire; the preacher gets the stomach flu – hey! It’s not necessarily that you’re marrying the wrong guy – you just shouldn’t marry him that day.

Try explaining THAT to the caterer.

But seriously; everyday, all the time, the Universe, your angels, your guides – they’re trying to get through to you. There are interactions with people, with nature; there are events; and these can be taken at face value, yes -- but also explored for their symbolism.

Think about life as you would when you wake in the morning, and remember your dream. If you were dreaming that a dog is attacking you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should develop a fear of dogs. You look at the symbol of the animal, and the symbol of you being attacked. It could mean many different things, but the meaning will be unique to you, depending on your memories related to dogs, and your feeling state with regards to being attacked.

Tricky stuff.

Today is another important day, astrology wise; it is the precise alignment of the Grand Cardinal Cross. Look at the headlines in the paper; look at the symbolic occurrences in your life over the past couple days, and in the week to come. Journal; reflect; develop awareness. Information is power; but self-awareness, well – that’s EVERYTHING.

Shanti,

Jill

Confidence

2010-07-26T16:31:00.003-04:00

After teaching a class a few weeks back, a student approached me to chat. We made small talk, and then he mentioned a class he had taken with another instructor from the Studio. “Her class is really good,” he said, “She’s a great teacher.” “Please tell her that,” I said to him. She is amazing; truly coming into her own power; but all of us who are teachers have moments of doubt about their ability. He looked puzzled and surprised. “Okay,” he said.

Then he asked, “Hey -- what about you? You never seem to have any lack of self-confidence.” I responded as I always have to compliments, especially the back-hand variety. “Oh,” I laughed, “I’m just faking it.” He laughed. “Me, too” he said. And we went our separate ways.

I’ve been thinking about that exchange; and I’ve realized something.

I’m not faking it anymore.

Maybe that sounds like bravado; and let me tell you, it’s not that I am brimming with confidence every moment of every day for sure. I realized in that moment that most of my life I have been faking any confidence I exhibited.

It’s a given, in this society, that you have to exude self-assurance; be certain what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it – even if those concepts have yet to fall into line. So you develop a firm handshake; look people in the eye; and sometimes waste years bumbling down the wrong roads in life because you’re so busy pretending you know what you’re doing, you never stop to ask directions.

Reminds me of a family story we’ve giggled about for years; we were all in the car when my father turned the car out onto the road, going completely the opposite direction of where we were supposed to go. He was already in a grumpy mood, and no one wanted to be the one to tell him of his error. We continued, driving down the road, and my mother tactfully asked -- “Do you know where you are going?” “YES!” he bellowed. Two beat pause. “I’m going the WRONG DAMN WAY, that’s where I’m going!” Then, of course, we all cracked up.

You could pretty much describe my first marriage with this symbolism, but let’s not go there.

What is confidence, really? In my thinking, It relates to the ego. In many yogic or religious schools of thought, they talk of subduing the ego; diminishing the ego; eliminating the ego.

Not so in Kriya.

In Kriya yoga, they speak of building the ego – not to make yourself into a defiant, separate entity; not to inflate your opinion of yourself and your worth; and certainly not to compare yourself to others. You strengthen the ego so that you know who you are; what you are trying to accomplish. You know what you value; you know your own strengths and limitations.

You also know where you’re going, and what the real goals are.

Having an ego helps you to discern that faint line that differentiates between being of service to your fellow beings, and being the flat little doormat under their feet.

I’ve served my time as a doormat. And the thing is, it doesn’t help anyone to achieve anything other than the negative karma the other person creates from harming you, and the negative karma you create for yourself by ALLOWING others to diminish you.

Where does self-confidence come from?

For me, it has emerged from finally beginning to know (and accept) myself; by testing myself and pushing out of my comfort zone; understanding the outer limits of my mind; of my body; recognizing myself as spirit – unchanging, undying – untarnished.

It has come from taking responsibility for everything, EVERYTHING that comes into my life; the good, the bad; the sublime, the ridiculous.

It comes from TIME. You know, certain things just take TIME. If you want an apple pie, you need to plant the apple tree. But it takes years from planting the tree to making the pie.

So many people don’t bother planting the tree.

I am not always confident; I am sure that there will always be times when fear invades, confusion interferes; when I crawl back in time to being the person I was instead of the person I have become.

Though even the fearful me, the confused me, the lost me -- at the end of the day, can stand before a mirror, and look myself in the eye; smile; bow and say “Namaste” – which means the light of God in me sees the light of God in you; and I honor you.

Try it sometime; it is not as simple as it sounds. And it will tell you a lot about yourself.

Shanti,

Jill

Summer 100

2010-07-18T10:49:00.004-04:00

One of our family traditions is to create a Summer “to-do” list; 100 things we’d like to make sure we don’t forget to do over the Summer.

I started making a list years ago (1) because I’m a list-maker; I gotta write things down and (2) to appease my eldest daughter, who from the time she was very small would ask every morning if we were going to do EVERYTHING I had told her we’d do in the Summer.

Her memory is like a steel trap, and even as a preschooler, she would wake up the first morning after school was out and start questioning: “Are we going to the beach today? Are we going to Grammy and Pappy’s today? “Are we going for ice cream today?” “Are we going to the park today?” “You SAID this Summer we would . . . . .” On and on and on; ‘bout drove me nuts.

So we created a list, and it helps – it’s easy to let Summer get away from you, especially when you are trying to meet the expectations of five people in two and a half months.

At this stage, the list has evolved so that we sit down as a family, and each take a turn. Some things are family events; some just personal accomplishments. We usually have a few things that get left undone; and certainly lots of things that we do aren’t on the list; but we try our best to accomplish everything.

The list tells an interesting tale of our family; it has changed a lot through the years. This year’s list tells me several things: most prominently, that we’re mildly obsessed with food. It tells me that my children are missing all the things I used to cook or bake regularly before I opened the Studio (wee bit o’ guilt here). It tells me that we don’t go “out” much; and that’s okay with me.

I love that it was the children who came up with “Peace Day,” “No Electricity Day,” “Mommy Appreciation Day” (um, excuse me, that should be EVERYDAY), and “Guru Appreciation Day.”

Here’s our list for this Summer; what about you?

1. Go see Grandma. 2. Picnic at the park. 3. Manicures/Pedicures for the girls. 4. Make homemade pretzels. 5. Picnic at the Arboretum. 6. New kitchen party. 7. Play tennis as a family. 8. Official Cuddle Day. 9. Playdate with Jack. 10. Go to Maggie Moos for ice cream. 11. Go to Alabama for Luke’s graduation. 12. Go to the Children’s Museum in Charlottesville. 13. Bryant gets to shoot his new bb gun. 14. Sleepover with Emma. 15. Buy new shorts for Summer. 16. Stay in our PJs all day and eat pancakes. 17. Go to the Children’s Museum
in Lynchburg. 18. Go to Bubblecake. 19. Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. 20. Get Bryant a Star Wars dart gun. 21. Go to Yogaville. 22. Drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway. 23. Get Alexandra a new bicycle. 24. Make homemade éclairs. 25. Go to Pop’s for lunch. 26. Catch lightening bugs. 27. Make cantaloupe sherbert. 28. Fly kites. 29. Make flan. 30. Make tiramisu. 31. Make blueberry buckle. 32. Go to a baseball game. 33. Parents/kids water gun battle. 34. Have Billie over. 35. Have Mark over. 36. Rent Avatar. 37. Go to Smith Mt. Lake. 38. Mommy/Daddy overnight. 39. Go camping. 40. Go out to dinner as a family. 41. Watermelon Appreciation Day. 42. Cook on the grill. 43. Watch the sunrise. 44. Pick strawberries. 45. Go to the pool. 46. Go to the Seven Springs Farm CSA picnic. 47. Go to Issacs for lunch. 48. Invite the Fitzgerald’s for dinner. 49. Pick blueberries. 50. Make homemade sno cones. 51. Get together with Isabella. 52. Meet Daddy for lunch at Breadcraft. 53. Go to the Indian Festival. 54. Learn new harmonium song. 55. Scrapbook shopping day. 56. No Electricity Day. 57. Playdate with Bryant’s friends. 58. Go to dinner at Luigis. 59. Purchase fig trees. 60. Back to School shopping. 61. Mommy and Isabelle get massages. 62. Sleep outside. 63. Go for a family walk. 64. Make homemade ice cream. 65. Go tubing. 66. Go to the New River. 67. Toast marshmallows. 68. Jane and Tom for dinner. 69. Have the Bazaks over for dinner. 70. Paint pottery at Glazed Bisque-It. 71. Get summer reading material. 72. National Be Outside Day. 73. Make homemade sushi. 74. Go to Harvest Moon in Floyd. 75. Studio party. 76. Isabelle’s Italian lessons. 77. Make lemon poppy seed muffins. 78. Play in the rain. 79. Deal with the hill. 80. Go to Viva La Cupcake. 81. Play at Fishburn Park. 82. Cook all Day Day. 83. Movie Day. 84. Play baseball. 85. Peace Day. 86. Make biscotti. 87. Make cinnamon rolls. 88. Eat gelato. 89. Make snowman sundaes. 90. Watch the sunset. 91. Organize the living room. 92. Have Sarah and Kali over. 93. Ride the Smart Bus to Blacksburg. 94. Play catch football. 95. Mommy Appreciation Day. 96. Find 2nd Studio location. 97. Alexandra cook dinner. 98. Make truffles. 99. Guru Appreciation Day. 100. Have Fun!

Le Tour

2010-07-02T22:25:00.004-04:00

The Tour de France begins tomorrow; I love (no – actually, I adore!) Le Tour.

Why?

Well, first of all, it’s like watching a travelogue; the scenery is spectacular; ancient mountains, verdant valleys; old and interesting cities. It is so beautiful to see all the people, lining the sides of the roads in Europe, cheering (perhaps having a little picnic – a plate of tapas, a glass of local vino, and – oh, watching a world-class cycling event) – well, it makes me dream.

I also recognize that it is a very serious, intense, mind-boggling athletic event.. In the US, our sports heroes play a great football or baseball game; a (possibly) whopping two hours of sport.

Ha.

Le Tour? Goes about a month; this is not a “show up for a couple hours, party later” event. This is a pilgrimage; a life-changing shift; a tragedy, a comedy; a time to die, or a time to live; each and every day; for 24 days.

Like a magnet, it pulls me in.

It is so much like real life; you are biking hundreds of miles; no idea whether some idiot has thrown glass on the course; perhaps some child, cheering you on, accidently catches your handlebar with their souvineer mussette (Lance!); some riders are there to make a mark on an individual day; some are there to prove their climbing ability; yet others, their endurance.

Where do you fit in?

This is all so much like life.

Some people are here to make a bold, large statement; some others are just trying to make it through the day; some would prefer a random moment of celebrity; perhaps some are just doing their job; others strive on, have their eyes on the prize (whatever THAT is).

So, what is the prize for you?

That is the ultimate question; what is it that you seek? Are you aiming for enlightenment? Connection to God? Alignment with all that is?

Do you just want not harm anyone else – just tiptoe through this life? Or, perhaps, you just want to make a lot of money, have a really nice house, hot husband, and cool car? (Which is – really – OKAY!).

Seriously; be honest.

Because God knows; the Universe knows; and whatever it is that you seek – it’s coming your way.

And if you can’t get it now – you’ll have to come back, and get it later.
Is that what you really – REALLY – want?

When I watch the Tour de France, I rationalize all that tv time by doing push ups and sit ups; folding laundry. It sometimes feels like wasted time.

And yet -- so many of us – we have no goal; no ideal; no concept of where we are going; we arrived on this planet, begIn to move through the stages – but have no idea what it is that we seek. The wasted time – it’s not just 24 days – it’s 24 months, 24 years – 24 lifetimes.

Let me tell you – you came here; you are seeking.

Set aside some time this month; watch the tenacious bicycle riders; as they ascend and descend, view the magnificent planet we reside on; go inside, to your equally magnificent inner universe; and decide.

Why are you here? What is it that you seek?

Shanti,

Jill

Small Steps (part 2)

2010-06-30T19:12:00.006-04:00

Small Steps, part 2 (with a few more to come!) Another list of small changes that make a big difference:

4. Start a journal. You know, like a diary. It doesn’t have to be detailed; it doesn’t have to be every day. But it is important to express yourself; to get what you are thinking and feeling OUT of your body and mind. A journal helps you to see the patterns in your life; to see the recurring, cyclical nature of things. It helps you to figure out who you are; what you want; and where you’re going. To set goals, and measure growth. If you have time to watch tv; time to fiddle around on Facebook; you have time to journal. Start today.

5. Eat less meat. I’m not asking you to adopt a sprouts-and-rice diet here. Just to look at how high up the food chain you are eating at each meal. There is no dispute – the more meat you eat, the more resources are used. Look at your week of meals – breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks. Can you switch out even two meals a week to something without meat? Skip the chicken sandwich in the drive through and pack a hummus sandwich. Order pizza without the pepperoni or sausage. Two meals a week over an entire year – that would save a lot of cows (and a lot of cow poop), my friends.

6. Be pro-active about your health. What does that mean? It means working towards staying healthy, instead of waiting to get sick. It’s kinda like doing the dishes; you maybe don’t feel like doing them right away, but when you let them sit, everything gets all dried up and stuck; and it takes so much more time and effort to get them clean again. Same goes for your body.

Try going for a monthly massage – it’s not just a feel-good rubdown for the spa and tennis set – it moves lymph which aids your immune system; it helps to relieve stress (the cause of a great number of illnesses and diseases); helps to keep you aware of what is happening in your body – I could go on and on here. I go once a month – WAY less expensive than getting sick.

Getting regular acupuncture treatments works well for me, too – it’s like an energy tune-up every month. If I feel a cold, sinus infection or sore throat coming on, I make an appointment for acupuncture right away and head it off at the pass – one visit is usually less expensive than whatever prescription I would need if I let it get really bad – that doesn’t even include the cost of an regular doctor's office visit (or is it actually an office minute . . . .).

Talk to your doctor or naturopath about what supplements you should take. Maybe speak with a dietician or ayurvedic specialist to determine what foods are best for you and your body type. Everyone’s body is quite different; and you might need more protein, or less dairy – take the time and figure it out!

And, for heavens sake, get off your butt and move around every day. Take the steps; park far away from the store; do some yoga; crank up some music and dance; take up a sport; do push ups and sit ups while you watch tv. Unless you some day want to be CONFINED to that Lazy-Boy chair, get OUT of that Lazy-Boy chair.

Shanti,

Jill

Responsibility

2010-06-25T10:58:00.007-04:00

There was recently an article in the paper about how emergency rooms are now seeing just as many patients with prescription drug overdoses as patients with illegal drug overdoses.

It’s a blurry little line, I guess.

It reminded me of an experience I had back after my youngest child was born. He was my third baby in five years; I was nursing him; and true, I had my hands full. But I felt extra tired; really lethargic; my hair was turning gray really fast; I was constipated all the time; and the idea of being intimate with my husband sounded like the most insane idea ever.

I was not myself; and I didn’t know why.

There are always symbols around us from the Universe, from our higher selves, that are trying to show us the way, and one day, as I stood at the pharmacy counter waiting for a prescription for one of my children, I noticed a little card. It said across the top “Do You Have Hypothyroidism?” It went on to list 10 symptoms of the autoimmune disease. I had 8 of the 10.

So I went home and called my doctor; made an appointment; and when I saw him, explained that I had seen this card; that my grandmother had been hypothyroid; and asked to be tested.

He looked at me kindly, and inquired about my symptoms; asked if I had gained any weight. I said yes – there seemed to be a good five pounds that I couldn’t beat off my body, even though I was doing yoga daily, and was strictly monitoring my diet. He said “Come back to me when you gain 30 or 40 pounds; you’re just a little depressed. You have three small children, you’re not getting enough sleep. You need a little something to take the edge off – I’ll prescribe you an antidepressant.”

If it had not been for my yoga practice; if I did not know my body intimately; know the state of my mind, I would have probably just taken the prescription. But I DID know my body, and I DID know my mind – I had suffered from depression as a teenager so I knew I was NOT depressed. Something was really wrong with me, and it wasn’t just a case of the blues.

I stood my ground (which at the time, was unusual for me); he agreed to test me; and called within days to say “Good diagnosis, doctor.” The normal range was 0-5. My level was 55.

I shudder to think what would have happened had I simply taken that prescription for an antidepressant; as the lack of thyroid hormone slowly set off a cascade of problems, and the antidepressant covered up some of my symptoms, like a bandaid covering a festering sore.

My thyroid still doesn’t work, though I have been able to get my hormone dosage lowered through acupuncture and going upside down every day.

But how many other people – women especially – have been placed on these medicines; these mind and body altering drugs -- when in fact, they are seriously ill?

Part of this coming cycle is to bring us back to being responsible for ourselves; to stop leaving it up to experts, to doctors, to politicians, to religious leaders – to others – it is up to YOU to take care of you; your health, your finances, your spiritual well-being; your community, your nation, your planet.

It is time to stop the cycle of looking at the people in charge and simply throwing up our hands and saying “geez – look what they’ve done!” as you shake your head and walk away.

It is time to step up. To take responsibility. To seize your power, your creativity, your wisdom; and do the work.

Shanti,

Jill

To My Children's Teachers

2010-06-23T21:32:00.005-04:00

To My Children’s Teachers

Dear Teachers:

Hello everyone. You’ve had a week or more to finally relax for the first time since (literally) last year. School is out; time for a break. Except for those of you (most of you) who continue to work in the school system through the Summer, or take on additional jobs, extra work or tutoring to make a wage sufficient to raise a family.

My children were in grades 6, 4 and 1 this past year. All big kids now; especially the middle school child. And what a wake-up call for Mommy it was.

I recall a dear friend telling me that once they were out of preschool, it was all over; school just wasn’t fun any more. Surprise! -- she was right.

Most days, I have no idea what has happened to my children for eight hours of their life. I’m lucky to get the tiniest nugget of information. I can pump them (Who did you sit with at lunch? Did you have any substitutes? How did your test go? What was the best part of your day? What was the worst? ), though it usually yields just the facts, and not the big (or more important, little) picture.

Even if you’ve written a carefully prepared newsletter; a blow-by-blow description of the entire month; I usually get it about two weeks after you sent it home, if at all.

This year, all my children had really amazing teachers; it made my life so much easier.

It is not always the case.

So, I want you to know that I appreciated your hard work. That I noticed that the email reminder you sent us about school activities was prepared and sent over the weekend at 10:00 pm. That you are trying to teach some children who come to school unprepared, unfed, and unloved. That somehow you are to conquer all their personal dramas (and sometimes, their family’s dramas); and not only teach them to the best of your ability, but teach them a laundry list of specific things determined by some person in an office somewhere who possibly has never even met a child under the age of 16.

I want you to know that I think the SOLs are ridiculous; and that if your students don’t all pass, that we parents realize it is not all your doing; that it is not a reliable barometer for you as a teacher.

That I realize so many of these children have no pencils; no paper; no tissues; and that more often than not, you dig into your own pockets to provide these things.

I want you to know that I appreciate your creativity; your patience; that you try to include fun, interesting, hands-on learning activities – even though the system does not reward such activities, and could care less if you went to the trouble.

I especially appreciate when you try to broaden their horizons; instill a love of learning. The system would prefer they be automatons that automatically repeat to you pat, memorized answers. True learning does not necessarily occur in such a system, and I do wish for them to love to learn.

In preschool it was so easy to say a quick thank you – to send a little note; a bag of homemade muffins; some flowers from the yard. To catch a glimpse of the teacher’s face and see whether it had been a good day or a – “Good Lord! Please, please! Take this child AWAY!!!” day. Now, its more complicated; elementary volunteering is pretty easy, and gave me some eye-opening insights into what you had to work with. [Whoa.]

The middle school teachers – they probably couldn’t pick me out of a lineup.

So to all my children’s teachers – and to teachers everywhere – an encouraging hug; a moment of gratitude. These few days that you have time to catch your breath, and review the year – they might leave you feeling unappreciated; unhappy; unfulfilled.

Please; please don’t give up on those children; even when our society gives up on you.

Shanti,

Jill

Small Steps (part 1)

2010-06-15T18:40:00.007-04:00

Sometimes you want to make changes to your life; improve your diet, be more environmentally conscious; etc., etc.

But change can be hard; sometimes the status quo, even if we know it’s wrong, it just feels so right.

This is part one of a series of blogs on little changes you can make to help yourself and (we are all connected, you know) others. A little shift in habits; a little shift in attitude; can go a long, long way. Three small steps for this week; give one (or more) a try:

1. No more soda. Stop buying it, stop drinking it. It is an addictive, chemical concoction, stored in a plastic bottle; there is no upside here.

If you truly love soda, then begin to limit your consumption; cut it in half to start. After that, maybe switch to a more natural, glass bottle product like the Izze brand of juice drinks; or find some fabulous brewed root beer at your local food co-op. If you check around, you can even find Coca-Cola that is actually made with real sugar instead of chemicals.

Will switching be more expensive? Absolutely. Try to lower your consumption, and that will help to lower the cost. Even then, it is much less expensive than getting diabetes or any of the other diseases that can be attributed to some of the ingredients in soda.

And for heaven’s sake, please stop buying the diet version of anything; the chemicals in those sodas are BANNED in Europe; they are PROVEN cancer-causing agents. For more on this, check out the book Skinny Bitch. [But beware; the book is an absolute cuss-fest (the title is tame compared to the book)]. There is a ton of information in that book about how some very toxic chemicals are permitted into our food supply.

2. Get over having a perfect lawn. What is wrong with a few bare patches and dandelions sprouting up in your front yard? When you start seeking that level of control and perfection in anything, you are walking – no, running -- down the path to unhappiness. The chemicals in the “weed and feed” you pick up at your local home improvement store are seriously toxic; they harm wildlife and domesticated animals – you should not have your children walking barefoot on them.

Bees are dying off in huge numbers in this country right now, and it is no wonder; let some clover grow in your lawn for what bees are left. Remember, no bees, no food.

Another huge reason to let go of your chemical lawn; when it rains, all those chemicals pour into the ground, into your local drain system – into our rivers and the oceans – and your drinking water, too. Great article in this month’s Men’s Health magazine about it. One of the chemicals in your standard bag of weed and feed? A chemical that was used in Agent Orange. Enough said.

3. Bring your own bag; everywhere. Now, I know I’m going to post this and next week forget my bags at Kroger and have someone behind me in line going “Uh huh, there’s Little Miss Yoga getting her groceries in plastic bags.” I forget, too; or I go in with one bag and the intention to buy three things and leave with a cart filled with stuff. We’re not aiming for perfect; we’re going for improvement. Begin to cultivate the habit of reusable bags; I keep mine in the front seat of my car and try to take them with me – to the hardware store, to the clothing store – everywhere, not just to the grocery. The other option is when you are getting something little you can carry – just say “no bag please.” You know the day is coming when they will charge us for those bags – it is already that way in Europe. So train yourself now.

Little, everyday things. That is what creates a life. Create your life consciously.

Shanti,

Jill

Indulgence

2010-06-07T20:54:00.010-04:00

Hey, anyone else leaning hard on their crutches?

You know – that stuff you do that gets you through the day, that you know isn’t the best for you, but you rationalize. Too much shopping; over-eating or junk food; alcohol; cigarettes; drugs, prescription or otherwise; zoning out in front of some kind of screen. You feeling it?

Me, too. One of the Niyamas in yoga is “tapas” meaning austerity; self-discipline; literally “heat” or fervency; the ability to withstand hunger, heat; pain and fear; and stick with your practice.

Lately for me “tapas” has been more like the Spanish translation –a plate of cheese and crackers and a couple glasses of wine. Geez.

I am feeling so desperately imperfect; so absolutely human. Like my “get-up-and-go” got up and . . . . crawled away.

One of my teachers says the following: cigarettes block anger; alcohol blocks fear; pot blocks sadness; and coffee blocks everything. Um, hey --- you seen the line outside Starbucks lately? OKAY.

What are we all blocking?

Well, seriously, refer back to several of my previous blogs; this is a difficult period of existence; even those of us that understand that we CHOSE to be her are saying . . . . . “um, WHAT?”

Was talking to a friend recently – an evolved friend, a tuned-in friend; a trust-you-with-my-children friend, and she said – “I don’t think I could do without my crutches right now – everyone I know is really leaning on their indulgences.”

I agree with that statement; and I don’t judge anyone, or their choices, or their pathways. There’s a quote that goes something like this: “Be kind to everyone; for we are all fighting an epic battle.” So true.

But, please – work hard not to indulge your masking, your numbing, your ignoring. At the same time, don’t be too hard on yourself. According to yogic thought, we chose to be here on this planet; at this time, for this moment in history – the curriculum in this school for the soul is about to ramp up. Stay flexible, open and adaptable; ready to let go of old ways of thinking and doing.

The energy this coming week will help us all to begin to move forward; note the dates of June 8, 12, 26 and July 11; lots of planetary energies are coming together.

For me, this week “tapas” moved back to its Sanskrit definition; and I was able to jumpstart my practices. Meditating daily, renewed my asana practice, eating better, etc. It felt easier to do the right things.

Hopefully, you too will cultivate “tapas.” The heat, the fervency to do the great work that must be done. We can be there for each other – to strengthen our resolve when we falter; to remember what we came here for; and to remind each other that we can have faith, or we can have fear; we cannot have both.

Blessings, shanti,

Jill

Staples

2010-06-03T15:22:00.005-04:00

I was shopping at my local Staples today for paper. At the register, my favorite cashier. A kind, gentle man who is from India. It seems like he is ALWAYS there; that he is ALWAYS smiling; and that he is ALWAYS patient. I have seen people be; well, let’s say I have seen people be less patient with him than he is with them. He speaks with a thick but melodious, clipped accent.

From the first time he helped me, we’ve discussed yoga. Brief exchanges about the Studio; about the logo and it’s similarities to Laxshmi (Goddess of wealth and prosperity). Usually our conversations are quickly ended by the arrival of the next customer.

“You still doing the yoga?” he intones, noticing my Uttara shirt. I’m still not sure he understands that I teach at the Studio. “Yes, always” I reply.

Today there is no line of people behind me; he becomes animated, using his hands as he speaks. “The yoga, it is very good! It helps with everything!” He pauses, searching for words. “You do it every day, and you have no tension. “ Again he stops, searching in his mind for the translation to continue. “The . . . . diabetes, heart disease – it helps with these” he says. “Men can do it too, it helps with the tension.”

“Yes,” I reply, “I try to tell my students.” He’s not listening as he continues. “It is wonderful, it, it – it helps with everything -- you tell them, tell them these things.”

Just yesterday, I decided to look for space for a second studio location. So, in this moment, it doesn’t feel like I’m talking to the guy at Staples. It feels like I’m talking to God.

“Yes,” I reply with a smile.

“I will tell them.”

Shanti,

Jill

Alabama

2010-06-02T10:17:00.010-04:00

Long time, no blog – so sorry loyal readers.

It is a difficult cycle; a lot of choices; for you, too, I am certain.

Just returned from Alabama; a few days inland, and a few days on the Gulf Coast. Let me tell you – when oil hits the shores of the Gulf Coast, it will be a crying, criminal shame. Those are some pristine white beaches. We were in Orange Beach, Alabama -- lots of natural grasses, birds, dolphins, fish; no big, invasive boardwalk. It’s not an East Coast beach, to the extent I even know what I’m talking about. But seriously; when the oil comes – harm will come to people, to businesses – to entire ways of living. The true tragedy is that LIFE will be suffocated, on every level.

We were on a family trip; most of my family had no interest in the actual beach. We were at a lovely, upscale resort; several pools, hot tubs, saunas – one of those floaty “lazy river” things – it was a take your cooler, spend the day type of place.

We had to take a special shuttle to even reach the beach area; serious, over-a-mile pilgrimage-if-you- walked; even with the little resort shuttle, it was a LONG walk down a wooden bridge, and even longer to the shore.

Our first day on the actual beach, we arrived mid-morning; at most a dozen other humans in sight; fine, white sandy beaches. A big drop off from the flat “hang-out” area of the beach into the “up to your knees” area of the water. There was like a shelf – and it was filled with seashells. Handfuls of shells, whole-perfect and beautiful shells; it felt so magical.

Our regular beach is Virginia Beach – a family beach, a commercial beach – truth be told there would be no beach except they dredge it up every few weeks and plunk more sand on the shore. It is lovely, clean, fun – but so different from this little area of the Gulf Coast.

We dropped our snacks and towels and walked into the beautiful blue-green ocean – calm current, a small little shelf loaded with shells. The occasional small school of fish; these interesting clam-like creatures that washed up on the shore and then uprighted themselves and disappeared into the sand.

My daughter brought me a small, pure black spiral shell. My very favorite – I love the spiral, a representation of the Universe. I pondered it’s perfection; the smallness; the very perfect pointed tip, unbroken by the strength of the water. But as I looked, a small, black something emerged – only slightly – clam looking, nothing with eyes, but yet alive.

I called her back and showed my daughter “Look – it’s beautiful, but it is still someone’s home.” There was no hesitation. “Oh, I will take it back” she said. And she quickly took it from my hands, and tossed it as far into the ocean as she could.

We, as a society, have not done right by the waters or by the inhabitants of this planet that cannot speak. But this child, she intuitively does the right thing. It gives me hope in the face of unspeakable destruction.

What can we do now? You and me – thousands of miles from this disaster, feeling helpless and hindered – no way to fix or change? What can WE do?

We can pray; we can meditate. We can send blessings to the Mother Earth and to the very floor of the oceans; we can ask the oil to recede; we can ask the wildlife to be blessed and spared. Never underestimate the power of your intention; never underestimate the power of your prayer.

You are powerful beyond your imagination; if enough of us think it true, and it shall be.

Shanti,

Jill

Transition

2010-05-05T08:29:00.003-04:00

mommy’s friend
kind generous
talking giving loving
a very kind person
smile give comfort
friend

This haiku was written by my daughter to my dear friend on Thursday, April 15, 2010.

Last week, she left her body; transitioned. In our simple language, she died.

It was a long process. She was suffering.

This life; it was not simple for her. My knowledge is limited; I knew her for such a brief time; but I know that it could have appeared to be a fairy tale from the outside, at least to a point. The reality is more complex; like most of us, the edges are rough.

From the outside looking in, the view is probably a bit more scenic than from the inside looking out.

I always remember the adage “never judge a person until you walk a mile in their moccasins.” Not sure I’d have made it a half a mile in her shoes, even if they were certainly more stylish than mine.

My friend had MS – multiple sclerosis. A confusing, cruel disease that targets middle age, type “A” women. The best, brightest; the ambitious go-getters.

Sometimes, it preys on the rest of us, too. Karma, using my world view. But that view doesn’t make the reality any easier.

I only got to know her after the disease had progressed; she was in a wheelchair, and there was little prospect of her leaving it behind. As we spent time together, the stories we exchanged helped to create a more complete picture of her life before MS. An artist, sculpter; runner; mother; amateur chef; skier; friend; seeker; gardener. A person not unlike myself.

The poem written above; it’s so beautiful. My daughter uses the word “kind” twice; very accurate. In the poem above, I changed her name to “Mommy’s Friend” – she was always private. Her soul glowed (and glows) with a kind generosity that knows no limits; a gentleness that is palpable.

She has taught me many things, even though I was supposed to be her teacher.

She is always more interested in talking about me and what is happening in my life than her own drama. She is full of questions about my children, my husband, the yoga studio. Even in intense pain; dealing with frightening symptoms; a body that doesn’t respond, and often rebels; weeks/months/years without a descent night’s sleep -- she smiled, she moved forward; embraced the day. She never completely surrendered to the fear.

I will remember certain moments. Amazing meals that she cooked for friends from her wheelchair. Always inviting my children to come along when I worked with her -- to swim in her pool, watch tv, play with her pets. How much she enjoyed talking about her son and daughter; the great joy she took in her magnificent garden.

Helping her out of her wheelchair to stand, for just a few seconds at the end of a session, she would gaze down at me and say “I forget how tall I really am.”

There was more to her presence than her height -- she has a regal bearing; a goddess vibe; with the true, genuine kindness and softness of a saint.

But I bet she’d argue that description.

She has encouraged me and given me much more strength than I was ever able to give to her.

I went to do some breathwork with her, to help her rest; she was on new meds, too tired to talk. The soft, sad hiss of the oxygen system groaned on. But for a brief, beautiful moment, she opened her eyes wide. Her voice is weak, soft, strained. But her eyes glowing and vibrant. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I’m so tired.”

Yes, my dear one. Rest. Sleep. Dream.

Be free of the mechanical chair; free of unresponsive limbs; free of a world so lacking in understanding.

Your presence and strength, they are a benediction to me.

Those who are truly united, are never, ever far apart.

Shanti, shanti, shanti-h,

Jill

Hair Raising

2010-04-29T16:26:00.007-04:00

I’m not much of a girlie-girl. Never have been, even when I wanted to be.

Oh, I can dress up; did the pantyhose, high heel, makeup thing for years. But it doesn’t feel very natural these days. Pantyhose reminds me of sausage casing (eeeww!), high heels unground my femurs and make me feel awkward, and makeup just takes too long to put on AND get off.

I do make an effort; only because it makes me feel better in my own skin; get my hair colored by my talented friend Julia, who is a magician. Put on a little mineral makeup to smooth out the skin; draw on some eyebrows, since my thyroid gland decided to make them start falling out; and put on some lipstick, so you can discern my lips from the rest of my face.

A couple weeks ago it was suddenly quite warm here – temps in the 80’s! Heading to take a yoga class, I decided it might be a good idea to (a) wear short pants and (b) shave my legs for the first time since, oh, last October.

Was bending over in parsvottanasana, breathing deeply. Glancing at my shin, I realized that what I had done was given my leg a Mohawk. Nice inch-wide racing stripe of LONG hair still left all the way up my shin.

It was not much comfort to do the pose on the other side and realize I had a matched set.

Lovely.

So this tells you a little bit about me as I talk about the hair on my head. I’m attached to my hair; I’m not one of those people who would look even remotely attractive without it. Been coloring it forever; it’s one of the few things I do spend any time or money on. And, wow, the last couple years, it has started to really change.

I think that thyroid gland has a little to do with it, but so does heredity and age. Breathing hard on 43 here; gotta expect a few changes to the body.

A year or so ago, I started to grow these white hairs on my head. Seriously white; glowing white; don’t-take-no-color white. And they are thick, coarse hairs. Some are straight as a board, others like a corkscrew; others go straight and then veer off at an angle. I call them “white wiry witch hairs” (no offense to witches, please). I would pull them out.

Now, as anyone can tell you, that works for a while. But when you reach a certain critical mass of hair, it becomes a problem. When they would grow in, they would all be the same length; and these are gravity-defying hairs. Sticking straight out, or up, depending upon their location on my head. I looked like one of those stick figure people with the little lines waving out from their head.

Oiy.

So, I decided the only thing to do was suck it up, and let them grow out; hoping that perhaps length would weigh them down, tame them.

Ha -- not so; these are untameable hairs; defiant hairs. Rebel without a cause hairs.

Interestingly, I am growing to like these quirky hairs, and I think it may be because I am growing to become more like them.

I am a lot less tameable than I used to be; definitely a little more defiant; tend to speak my mind and worry a little less about what others think. I have a tendency to rebel against the rest of those compliant, little lying down hairs. Oh, you can knock me down; but I spring back up pretty quickly.

I am apt to go one way, and suddenly, go another; sometimes I walk a straight, strong path to my goals, and other times, it’s a lot more like a spiral. I don’t mind being the one who is forging ahead, finding my own way.

I am more aware that my essence is colorless, pure; at the very core, unchanging and unchangeable. You and I, we may not look the same, but our essence is exactly the same. Hair that is wet may look different than hair that is dry; a pony tail is different than a buzz cut; there are different colors, textures and styles -- but at the end of the day -- hair is hair is hair.

I’m making peace with my white wiry witch hair; after all, I have earned these uppity hairs. Bring on more white, more gray, why not? Maybe it will become the beautiful silver or white color of my parents; or perhaps gorgeous gray like my friend Joyce. When it reaches a certain stage of evolution, hopefully I won’t feel the need to pretend it’s still blonde.

My hair -- and maybe me, too -- can be exactly who we are.

Shanti,

Jill

Sing

2010-04-26T10:11:00.006-04:00

I sing a song of sorrow
Of pain, of loss, of separation
A song of desperation
Soul slowly comes unchained
A song of moving forward
Of change and ground that’s shifting
Her spirit, soul is drifting
It is time to leave this place
I sing a song of lessons
Of teaching and of patience
Non-grasping and acceptance
Hard lessons not in vain
I sing a song of gratitude
Memories whisper in my mind
Her lessons hard, but also mine
Goodbye my friend, my teacher.

RECALCULATING

2010-04-19T18:36:00.004-04:00

Recently my husband and I were able to slip away for an overnight to celebrate his birthday. A leisurely drive, dinner and whole night without the children (22 hours, to be precise – and, by the way, it was FABULOUS).

A great opportunity to break out his new GPS system for the car – one of those little things you plug in and it tells you how to get wherever you are going.

So, I plugged in the addresses, and off we went. Snow still covering the ground, beautiful mountain terrain; grown-up conversation without any interruptions. Aahhhh, lovely.

We’re about half way to our destination, and our stern little school-marm guide tells us to make a right, onto a highway. But my husband, who has been to this town before, says “No . . . . that’s not right, that’s not going to get us there the fastest way.”

Believe the husband (my best friend, father of my children, the most patient, loving man ever – and he’s driving) or our little faceless voice?

Husband. All the way.

So, instead of right, we go left. And she is NOT happy about it.

“RECALCULATING” . . . she says – (sternly, I might add).

And we continue our trek. And she keeps interjecting. “Turn right” . . . . “turn left” . . . . But these directions make no sense in light of our current path. My husband, he’s been here before – he knows where we are going. I’m just happy to be with him, along for the ride. We keep ignoring . . . she keeps uttering . . . “RECALCULATING.”

At about the fifth “RECALCULATING” it becomes a running joke – we burst into laughter every time she says it (which is, often). But it comes into my mind that this is a very precise metaphor for my life.

Graduate high school, go to business school, get the exact job I wanted. And it stinks. RECALCULATING.

Fall in love; move away; job of my dreams; but my love, he has no work. So we move. RECALCULATING.

Wake up one morning and realize, I love the idea of this man, but not the man. He is cruel; childish; our whole life is a sham. I am going to be 25 years old and divorced. RECALCULATING.

Roanoke. Who wants to live in Roanoke? Meet an amazing man; fall desperately, totally in love. Marry; have 3 children and decide that this is a wonderful place to raise a family, and a beautiful place to live. RECALCULATING.

Husband has a great job and can support us. I’m going to be a stay-at-home Mom. Raise the children, bake the best cookies; have a fabulous, clean, organized home. The perfect garden. And then literally, one day, I wake up and say – “seriously, this is it?” RECALCULATING.

Take a yoga teacher training. Going to teach yoga only to children – I’m not going to teach adults. Teach a volunteer class to a group of amazing women; and decide to not only teach adults, but open a yoga studio – (seriously?!). RECALCULATING.

And so it goes. This is my life. Making decisions, choices; and then changing the rules. Being flexible, open; going with the flow, but swimming like hell. it’s working for me right now.

My little voice, it’s not sweet and sexy, like my husband says his Bluetooth’s voice is in his car – but it’s not as stern as our little GPS lady. It’s a kinder, gentler voice; sometimes it is mine, and sometimes it is my teachers. It offers guidance, suggestions, directions.

But at the end of the day, it’s ALL on me.

RECALCULATING.

Shanti,

Jill

Planning

2010-04-12T08:37:00.005-04:00

Each Spring, when I drive through my old neighborhood, it’s a little bittersweet. There, in the front yard, are two trees I planted with my own hands. Each small saplings; one special ordered and delivered – an oak, about six foot tall; one just plucked from the back yard and rather unceremoniously re-plunked in the front yard, a redbud, perhaps 12 inches tall.

Those trees really mark time for me.

The itty bitty redbud; it’s up to the second story now; a blaze of purple outlined branches; breathtaking. The oak – it’s beyond the roofline now, growing straight and true – it’s going to outlive me and my grandchildren, if allowed; it was so small, I have photos of my girls, tiny arms wrapped around it.

I think it’s true that you plant flowers for yourself, but trees for the future generations.

That whole yard tells a tale of my existence back then; no children, no business -- entire weekends devoted to gardening; hours digging, watering, hauling and lifting. Just as many hours dreaming, thinking and planning; scouring Martha Stewart Living magazine and various gardening books for ideas, inspiration. Ridiculous amounts of time watching Home and Garden Television.

The kind of life I wanted and imagined was quite different from what I want or imagine now.

I made the mistake of driving through the alley a year after we sold the house; just to check on my “babies” in the backyard– the three types of clematis, the rose bushes, the lilies, the trees, the perennials.

The huge, beautiful climbing rose – it was completely gone. No sign of clematis; at least the trees seemed to all still be there.

I took it personally.

It was an excellent lesson on letting go, which has seemed to be an extra credit course I’ve been taking in this lifetime that I don’t remember signing up for. Things come, things go; experiences, people, emotions, things. There is only one guarantee on the Earth plane; CHANGE. Either embrace it, or suffocate beneath its crush; either way, it’s moving on forward.

I’ve planted gardens and trees at our new home; the soil isn’t very good, so there’s been more preparation. I don’t have as much time, but I do what I can with what I’ve got. Which in itself has been a beautiful lesson; anything that is going to be inspiring, nourishing; anything you want to flourish, grow and create; it starts with preparing the ground and working with what IS.

This Wednesday, April 14, is the New Moon in Aries; an excellent time to begin preparing the ground for whatever it is that you choose to create or grow this coming year, and beyond.

Plan; dream; prepare; but don’t get too distracted by glossy magazines or television shows; maybe your version of perfect looks a little bit more unique, a little more real – but no less beautiful.

Shanti,

Jill

Love of the Self

2010-04-07T18:34:00.009-04:00

I do not possess one of those clap-trap minds; my memory, it’s a little touch and go. But I do remember this -- it was not much fun being a pre-teen girl. The feelings of awkwardness, confusion and fear are still fresh in my mind.

Knowing everything there was to know (ha!) about mothering before I had my children – I was certain I was going to be the kind of mother that somehow spared any daughters that pain.

My daughters would be brimming with self-esteem; know they were beautiful and perfect; have no need of makeup, complex hairstyles, name-brand clothing. They would feel utterly comfortable in their own skin, and never feel the need to measure themselves against their peers and the culture.
My plan – to the extent I had one -- has apparently not worked. And if you’ve figured it out, let me know how it’s done. Because no matter how sensitive I try to be; how understanding; trying to anticipate problems – it’s coming down hard at my house anyway.

And as my daughter is crying, and saying how she looks ugly in everything she owns – no jeans are right, no shirt looks good, nothingnothingnothingnothing looks good on me!!!! – I try to formulate the right words; the proper response.

What can I do? Or say? How can I convince her that she looks just fine; not just fine, but actually, spectacularly beautiful?

How can I show her the view through my own eyes; is there a way, a method, a technique to show her -- help her to see -- how beautiful she is?

So I think that maybe this is how God feels; when we’re critical of ourselves, when we’re hating on ourselves. Viewing ourselves in the mirror with a critical eye; peering back upon our life and seeing only mistakes and misgivings.

The Mother/Father God, she looks at us and ponders all the gifts we’ve been given; the choices we’ve made; pours on more unconditional love.

As we pile on the discouraging words; whining, fussing, complaining; spending hours, days – even lifetimes -- lamenting external things that often mean so much nothingness.

And the Mother/Father God thinks “How – how can I make them see how beautiful they are? How perfect, whole and complete? How can I show them their power, the majesty, the amazement of their very existence?”

I am thinking that maybe—just maybe – it will help my daughter to see how beautiful she is, when I am able to see how beautiful I am.

For us both to learn that self-esteem, self-confidence -- they are not something you are granted; they are something that you earn for yourself. Only you can create them; only you can take them away.

In the meantime, Mommy is working on her detachment and compassion. Ear plugs might help.

Shanti,

Jill

Most Beautiful Spring

2010-04-01T20:12:00.005-04:00

As I get older, it’s almost like my eyes are larger, or able to take in more beauty.

Perhaps it’s just a deep, full appreciation of life, of nature; each season seems to be more spectacular every passing year. Last Fall, I kept thinking – wow – has it ever been this beautiful, this amazing?

This Spring, the tulip magnolias are so beautiful; perhaps I appreciate them more because many years a late Spring frost has burned their blossoms brown. Even the daffodils seems more cheerful. The hyacinths, more fragrant. The sky, more blue.

Watching the plain brown-gray of each tree turn to a shimmering burgundy, soft lime green; maybe an elegant coat of fluttering white flowers – each transformation induces an awe-inspired feeling deep within me.

The Sun itself seems brighter; the air, more nourishing to breathe.

Why?

Maybe, I am coming to understand how short a lifetime is. Maybe (just maybe), I am recognizing how delicate this balance is between life, and no-life. Earth; and no Earth. My time here; it is limited. That's the only guarantee on the Earth plane.

Maybe I do not fully understand or comprehend; but I am coming into a deeper understanding, day by day.

I think tomorrow, I will make the time for a long walk.

Shanti,

Jill

Census Sense

2010-03-28T08:45:00.003-04:00

We received our government census the other day, and as I sat and filled it out, a very odd feeling came over me. Our government; why do they want, and pretend to need, this information? Is it really any of their business who lives in our home? Why do they need to know the precise, full names of me, my husband -- my children -- our exact ages, and birth dates?

Answers required by law? That seems a bit creepy, all by itself.

But then, the only other piece of information they want is the color of our skin. What does that have to do with anything?

Oh, I know they divide it up into nationalities – for some – but is that better? Does it matter what country our great-great grandparents came from? Does that rationalize the question somehow?

With this information -- that five “white” people live in our home – what are they going to do? Is it going to determine whether our area gets money, or services? If our parents were Hispanic, would that make a difference? Seriously, people are people – do we count more or less because of this information?

And – hear me out, I’m ranting now -- can I complain about calling a skin color “white” – nobody really has “white” skin, just like nobody really has “black” skin.

As I pondered this aloud, my youngest daughter said “Why do they care what color your skin is? What does it matter? -- they should ask you what color your eyes are – or what is your favorite color.”

That made me smile; and gives me hope. Maybe – someday soon, just maybe – forms like these, they’ll include in their “race” selection a box simply marked “HUMAN” -- for those of us trying to erase those illusions of separateness.

Shanti,

Jill

What Do You Believe?

2010-03-09T22:42:00.009-05:00

One of the many great things about teaching yoga and yogic philosophy is that it forces me to figure out what it is I actually believe.

So many of us have been taught certain things about life (or Life!); about God; about ourselves. Growing up, we took this information in as fact, and never looked back. Never explored or pondered. As my mother says, most of us are whatever religion our parents are, mostly because of where and when we were born. Most of us are raised thinking in a certain way; observing certain rituals and holidays; and we stick with that system our entire lives.

Truly: Have you chosen the way you worship and attune to the Divine power of the Universe? Do you even really believe in a single, omniscient being? Or have your beliefs, your rituals, your methods of worship been chosen for you?

I think about this often, because I’m still figuring out my relationship with God. It is continually evolving; and it’s quite different than it used to be.

>I’m also trying to figure out what I believe, and what I don’t. Which is what I love about yoga. Yoga doesn’t say “believe this” -- it says “read and study; then go inside, be quiet; and figure it out.”

Using the “G” word often brings up the image of a big, white guy with a flowing white beard and robe. The old image in my own mind must have come from a painting I saw as a child, because I also see Him with one arm outstretched toward me.

Depending on how my self-image was on that day, He could appear to be offering help; or about to give me a slap upside the head.

In that old mode of thinking, I felt that anything difficult or uncomfortable that happened to me was a punishment. It felt safe to wallow in that misery, to wear the mantle of a “sinner.” Just trying to bear my junk with enough dignity to somehow be washed clean by that suffering.

I’m so over that.

In Kriya Yoga we would say that when things go wrong; when horrible things occur; it’s karma. It’s not a punishment; God is not the purveyor of evil; it’s the law of cause and effect. A way to learn.

What do you believe?

In our school of yogic philosophy, we believe in reincarnation. I have memories of past lives, have met people and had too much of a deep connection for there not to have been some type of past relationship. That’s my personal experience.

What do you believe?

In Kriya Yoga, there is one God and we recognize that we are also divine beings; with a spark of spirit within us that is actually a part of that Mother/Father God. Have you felt the spark of divinity, that brief feeling of complete oneness?

What do you believe?

We believe that as humans, we have just enough free will to dig ourselves a really big hole during these incarnations; or possibly live, learn and move on.

What do you believe?

Do the prayers you speak, the rituals you conduct and participate in – are they feeding you soul? Are you tuned in, connected – feeling it? Figuring it out? Recognizing your body as a temple; your mind as your servant and not your master; your spirit as eternal, unchanging?

Do you feel that you are a spiritual being having a human experience, instead of the other way round?

If not – then it’s time to figure it out; as Kriyananda says “you must graduate from this kindergarten” and by that he means life on Earth.

Figure out what it is you have come here to learn; what you need to evolve; how can you become a gift to the world. Figure out what you believe; what symbols are meaningful to you; what prayers, what songs. What is your spiritual ideal? The highest of high for you?

How are you going to conduct yourself in this life? What connects you to your highest and best self?

I will close with one of my favorite quotes, from Robert Wilkinson of the astrology website www.AquariusPapers.com. A very eloquent creed for us all.

“Love God, love each other, tell the truth, love your past, love your present, love your future, love your friends, love your enemies, love the plants, love the animals, love the angels, love the children, and above all else, love yourself for the spark of Divine Love that you are, always have been, and always will be. You are Love without measure or limit. You are the mystery, the truth, and the light. You are God’s love made manifest.

Live that, and be free.”

All credit to Robert, for that beautiful creed for living. To that, I say, “Amen” or maybe, “Aum.”

Shanti,

Jill

Star Wars/Clone Wars Quotations

2010-03-04T19:43:00.003-05:00

As promised in the previous blog . . .

Clone Wars Episode Quotations: Season 1:

Great leaders inspire greatness in others.

Belief is not a matter of choice, but of conviction.

Easy is the path to wisdom for those not blinded by themselves.

A plan is only as good as those who see it through.

The best confidence builder is experience.

Trust in your friends and they will have a reason to trust in you.

You hold onto your friends by keeping your heart a little softer than your head.

Heroes are made by the times.

Ignore your instincts at your peril.

More powerful is he who controls his own power.

The winding path to peace is always a worthy one, regardless of how many turns it takes.

Fail with honor rather than succeed by fraud.

Greed and fear of loss are the roots that lead to the tree of evil.

When surrounded by a war, one must eventually choose a side.

Arrogance diminishes wisdom.

Truth enlightens the mind, but won’t always bring happiness to your heart.

Fear is a disease; hope is its only cure.

A single chance is a galaxy of hope.

It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.

The cost of war can never be truly accounted for.

Compromise is a virtue to be cultivated, not a weakness to be despised.

A secret shared is a trust formed.

The Yoda "Sutras" (credit my friend Ginny)
Great quotations from the original films . . . .

“What’s in there?” “Only what you take with you.”

“Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.”

“The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.”

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

“Much anger there is in him. Too much pride in his powers.”

“A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind . . . . . All his life he has looked away – to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things.”

“For my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. The force surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you. Here, between you, me, the tree, the rock … everywhere!”

“Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future …. the past …. old friends long gone.”

“Control, control. You must learn control.”

“When you look at the dark side, careful you must be … for the dark side looks back.”

“Honor life by living.”

Reference: Wookieepedia

Yoga and Yoda

2010-03-04T19:34:00.004-05:00

True story: last week I received a telephone call from a man from the SheVaCon Convention; it’s a convention for science fiction fans; it’s actually rather large, and it is held annually in our town.

The gentleman asked if I could step in and teach a yoga class during the convention; the instructor they had lined up was no longer available. Because their celebrity for this particular convention was actor Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca from the Star Wars movies), they were calling the yoga class “Yoga with Yoda.” (I know -- mental eye roll).

Actually, the most amusing part of the conversation was that he asked my rate for the two-hour class; I told him $50 an hour, which is actually less than the regular rate. He conferred with an associate, came back on the line and said “That’s a little more than we have budgeted.” “How much do you have in the budget for the class?” I inquired. “Actually” he said, “nothing -- we’d like you to volunteer.”

In the end he did find some money in the budget to offer to pay for the class; and I could not teach it because of my schedule. The more I thought about it, though, the more ideas of how to link Yoga and Yoda came into my mind.

It’s pretty easy to make a connection between the Star Wars stories and yoga. Particularly references to “the Force.” As Yoda says “The Force surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

The stories also speak to yogic concepts through the continual struggle between the dark and the light. To choose the easy way out -- to find pleasure in power and acquiring; or to go the way of peace and non-attachment. Look to The Bhagavad Gita, translation by Eknath Easwaran, for more on that.

These concepts are even more deeply explored in the current animated series The Clone Wars. These shows air weekly on the Cartoon Network, and though I began watching them because of my younger two children, I look forward to the episodes each week.

I do have my quarrels with some of the ½ hour shows; they can be quite violent. There is a lot of blasting, slashing, and exploding. Along with occasional torture and cruelty. And the animators must all be men, because though the male Jedi are outfitted with full-coverage, swashbuckling-type outfits, the women Jedi are almost always half-dressed.

When it comes to civilian females, it seems that bras have yet to be discovered in the Outer Rim.

The flip side of that is that they also represent women as strong and powerful; as equals to men, and sometimes superior. Storylines often have women in powerful political positions. There are concepts discussed such as honor, loyalty, forgiveness, and non-violence.

Many episodes bring up issues that are arising in our own current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. They bring up the divide between the people who give the orders, and the people required to carry them out. They aren’t afraid to show the high cost of war; good guys die along with the bad guys. Sometimes the line between the good guys and bad guys is blurry, indeed.

There is an interesting thread running through the stories about how certain rights are relinquished for the leaders to keep the peace, or at least work in that direction. Not too far into the future, we may be thinking that these stories might not be from a galaxy far, far away, but from a very small planet called Earth.

My favorite part of each episode is a quotation that gives you an insight to the story line. My sweet daughter copied them down for me from one of her books; and I’ll list them on a separate post, along with some other great yogic Star Wars quotations from the movie series.

Read through them, and ponder. Each one is very relevant, and probably will always be.

Shanti,

Jill

Time of Change II

2010-02-28T21:57:00.006-05:00

Recently, I blogged about this time of change. Change is the only constant, yes, but we have entered into an astrology cycle that explains what’s going on, and where we’re headed. It's all about transformation; shifts; explosive, blow-things-apart change.

For me, knowledge is power. So I’ve been trying to keep up with information about this time of transformation.

Pluto – the planet, not the cartoon character – is the primary mover and shaker that is creating the environment for extreme change. What? You heard Pluto was no longer a planet? I’m thinking by the time this cycle ends, around 2022, we’ll all agree that the demotion was a bit ill-advised.

If you keep a journal, look back to the dates of January 25, 2008; November 26, 2008; and September 11, 2009. Review the events in your life, and the world, about three days before and after each of these dates. This will give you a little “heads up” on how this cycle will unfold for you.

Like many people, I used to be an astrology skeptic; but it has helped me so much in my life, that I’m a true believer now. It’s a vast, complex science; for more information on the current cycle, read Goswami Kriyananda’s column at www.YogaChicago.com, Jan-Feb 2008 issue and the March-April 2008 issue. He gives much more detail, and in the March-April issue addresses how the cycle will affect each particular sun sign.

A more basic, general overview of the cycle is at: http://astrology.about.com/od/adaptingtochange2009/a/TimeRadChange.htm.

Why is this cycle so important? Well, for one thing, it’s going to last a long time – about the next 12 years or so. And secondly, Pluto is the planet of transformation; of death, dying and rebirth; of purging, and change; it also rules the collective unconscious, which means this transit will affect everyone on the planet, and even the planet itself.

Capricorn represents structure; power, authority, control. The last time these two forces came together was during the period 1762-1777; students of history may wish to look at the changes that occurred during that period for clues to the coming cycle.

This cycle will require us all to remain flexible, open and ready to embrace change. It will also require us to remove any unnecessary structures, habits, or belief systems from our hearts and minds. Like the trees that grow all around us, we can only grow mighty if we can move with the winds; if we are rigid, closed off, or unable to accept what IS, then we will be broken.

Many of us would like a crystal ball to look ahead and prepare; but the closest thing to it is your natal chart. Nothing will happen to you that is does not resonate with your soul; for some this period will be experienced as negative; others, positive. The transformative qualities of Pluto can be experienced as painful, but like childbirth, sometimes a little pain is necessary to produce the beauty that is Life.

Practical things to do: get your affairs in order; look to what has occurred in your own life during the dates indicated above; reflect on events, and the choices you have made so that you can move forward with wisdom.

As is always wise, have some food on hand; water, too. Capricorn symbolizes the Earth, and there will be issues with food availability and quality. Creating a relationship with local farmers is always wise, but particularly now. A small home garden or even planters would be a good investment.

Work toward improving your immune system; don’t wait for the magic pill, or health care establishment to make you all better. You’re health is your responsibility. Time to improve your diet; release negative habits; and work towards a plan of wellness, instead of taking the band-aid approach.

Get rid of clutter, mental and otherwise. Give away anything you don’t adore or need; lighten up your existence on every level.

Begin TODAY to visualize your life, in perfect harmony with the cycles of the Universe. Release fear, and have faith. Don’t blindly believe me, or anyone else in authority or power. Get the facts, make your choices, discover your own truth.

Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu – May All Beings Be Happy and Free,

Shanti,

Jill

Do Good; Eat Well

2010-02-26T17:37:00.006-05:00

Beautiful, organic tomatoes; sliced and topped with a sprinkle of gently torn (not sliced!) basil; a skiff of sea-salt; fresh-ground pepper. A lovely mix of fresh organic green beans, slivered kalamata olives and feta cheese; firm, small organic zucchini sliced and grilled with extra virgin olive oil, a little fresh garlic, and a squeeze of lemon. Maybe a loaf of crusty bread, and fresh berries for dessert.

Sound like a food magazine fantasy? Not if you are a member of a CSA. That stands for “Community Supported Agriculture.” And it is one of the most important connections you can make for the coming cycle.

It works like this: you buy a “share” for the season; that means you give the farmer a certain amount of money, and they will do their best to supply you with a certain amount of food. Some years, there are loads of tomatoes; other years, it’s fabulous for beets. They can offer up estimates, ideas, and concepts; but the blessed Mother Earth gives what she gives; and then there are the deer, the rain storms (or lack thereof) and the insect population to deal with.

Nothing will make you a better cook. You get a bag of whatever is fresh that week. You create what I call “once a year” meals. Combinations that no cookbook or magazine can replicate.

You’ll also realize how old and road-weary much of the food you get from the grocery store is. Seriously; something that composts in two days from the grocery is fresh for a month from your CSA farmer.

The CSA I’ve been working with for years is Seven Springs Farm in Floyd, Virginia. We are completely blessed with a fabulous, intuitive and patient farmer whose name is Polly. Her talents are many, though it is probably her optimism that serves her best. Even if your most ambitious garden involved a single pot and a petunia, you will have some idea of the challenges she faces.

No sun; all sun; cold weather; hot weather; wet weather; dry weather; hail! Deer; groundhogs; and insects (oh my!).

This time of year, the challenge is cash. The garden planning begins now; even as we’re still shoveling the latest snowstorm, and washing salt off our cars, the farmers are ordering their seeds; repairing their fences; preparing the irrigation ponds. Even the most wealthy organic farmer that I know is earning a below poverty wage in this country. The phrase “labor of love” comes to mind.

And if you want a piece of this fabulousness; if you want to help the environment, support hard-working people, and a less-chemical culture. If you want a bag of fresh, organic, local vegetables this Spring, this Summer, and well into the Fall; THIS is the time to plan, and the time to sign up is NOW.

Don’t wait; people are waking up; Seven Springs did not advertise last year, and sold out quickly. New CSA’s are springing up, and more in this case is better.

Ask around at the local cooperative grocery; check Google, ask around. It’s time to plan your Summer menu; oh, and save the world while you’re at it.

For two local (near Roanoke, Virginia) farms, see information below.

Shanti,

Jill

http://www.7springsfarm.com/
Tenley Weaver, Good Food Good People: goodfoodgoodpeople@swva.net

Choices

2010-02-17T15:51:00.006-05:00

I’m a fish-eating vegetarian. Which, I think, actually doesn’t make me a vegetarian.

But I haven’t eaten cows, pigs or chickens for about 19 years. I certainly used to. And I had never considered not eating meat until I moved to Southwestern Virginia.

When I moved from the Big City to this relatively rural area, it felt like heaven. To wake up and hear birds singing; to drive to work and see cows grazing. Gorgeous mountains, wide open green space. This is really one of the more beautiful places on the planet.

I even enjoyed my commute . . . about an hour each way, by car – which felt absolutely luxurious after commuting over an hour each way by train – it was great to be able to choose my own radio station (and sing along), sip my coffee, have a whole seat to plop my coat and purse in; just me and the road and a few other commuters, zipping along to work.

When traveling a big Interstate highway, you see some interesting things. And some of the things you see in this area of the world are chicken trucks. Maybe you’ve seen one? They certainly leave an impression.

Giant, 18-wheel vehicle, stacked with cages upon cages -- as big as a normal 18-wheel cargo container. A chicken crammed inside of each cage, battered by the wind, and the elements; barely room to stand up, certainly not room to turn around; feathers flying everywhere.

You may think a perfectly prepared chicken breast is one of the tastiest things you’ve ever eaten, but if you’ve seen one of these trucks, you might think twice before you lift your fork.

At the same time, I began volunteering at the local animal shelter. It was a no-kill shelter -- they kept the animals until they were adopted instead of putting them “down” – killing them – if no one adopted them. In order to be a no-kill shelter, they were not allowed to accept state funding. They operated on a shoe-string budget.

Volunteering at this shelter completely changed my way of thinking; not because of my interactions with the cats and the dogs, but with the humans.

It was near a big college town; and when there was a holiday break, or school ended, we could be sure that there would be lots of animals brought to the shelter; people “disposing” of kittens and puppies that had the audacity to grow up and become cats and dogs. Pets that would not be accepted by the students’ parents during Christmas break. Animals that didn’t fit in with their Spring break travel plans.

It wasn’t only the college students; there were also plenty of people just bringing in pets that were no longer wanted, needed or able to be cared for.

Some people wouldn’t bother to wait for office hours to drop off animals; people dumped pets like garbage at our door. Boxes of kittens; pregnant animals; mama dogs with pups; you name it. The director would find them sitting on the stoop, running all over the property; or – on really cold mornings -- frozen to death in a box.

Really, could they not wait until the shelter opened?

It all connected together for me; was I also looking at these creatures, these beings, as less than me? Were certain animals disposable in my life, too? What really is the difference between the chicken and the cat? The cow and the dog?

I stopped eating meat very gradually; for a while, I ate it only if served by a friend; it was more important to me not to hurt their feelings than to kill the animal.

But after a while, I got over worrying more about other people’s feelings than my own feelings; it was important to stand up for my opinion, for my belief. And it was also important not to participate in the cruel and inhumane reality that has become the meat industry in this country.

It is important that every time we purchase something – patronize a business, buy a product at a store, order something at a restaurant – we understand that we are saying “This is something I support” – “I believe in this" -- "This is right and honorable, and I want it to continue.”

If we don’t believe that? -- well – then it’s time to make another choice.

Shanti,

Jill

My teeny tiny guruji

2010-02-11T08:33:00.005-05:00

The concept of “guru” is somewhat misunderstood by many people.

In a traditional lineage, like the holy Kriya lineage which is my spiritual lineage, each student (disciple) has a Guru (teacher). The Guru and the disciple are bound by more than words and thoughts. The Guru actually creates an astral connection between their souls. You are bound together until the student achieves God realization (enlightenment). The bond can only be released in this fashion, or if the student chooses to break the bond. It’s like a spiritual marriage of sorts. It is not a relationship either party enters into lightly.

But the actual word “guru” means “remover of darkness.” So even if you have a formal Guru (capital G), anyone can really be your guru (little g). The person who waits on you at the grocery store; a person you pass on the street; your friends; your family. Anyone that helps you to remove your darkness; anyone who brings light to something for you.

My children are some of my best teachers.

My son has always had very interesting insights into the Universe. At the age of three he asked me “Mommy, how did we get here . . . to the land?” I explained to him my understanding of how it works; that he decided to come here to work out some karma on the Earth. That he chose me and his Daddy to be his parents. That he entered into me to grow into a person in my body, and was born nine months later.

He was very satisfied with this explanation.

I asked him “So, where did you come from when you came here?” He looked at me and matter-of-factly stated “Heaven.” Ah. Yes.

About a month ago, he was observing one of his sisters; she was crying. Having a big angry-frustrated-miserable-hurt cry. He looked at me. “Mommy,” he said, “Do you think that it is possible to live your whole life without crying. Ever, at all?” I squatted down so we were eye to eye. “I don’t know buddy, what do you think?” “Well, sure!” he replied, “why not? Why couldn’t you go your whole life and just be happy?”

Ah. Yes.

Why couldn’t we go our whole life -- and just be happy?

Shanti,

Jill

Book Recommendations

2010-02-07T20:57:00.008-05:00

Looking for some quality reading material? I've got some recommendations; books I've read more than once, and refer to frequently. Books I recommend to my students, and wish everyone would read.

First off, Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert. Yes, it may be a mass-market book by now, but it is a compelling story of a person in transition; dealing with radical spiritual and emotional shifts; AND it involves yoga, travel and food. No downside here; totally clicked with me. I suggest reading it once a year – I’ve read it cover to cover four times; loaned out my original copy; bought it again; loaned that one out, too. Get it. Now.

Feng Shui Your Life, by Jayme Barratt. This book may have pretty pictures, but it is not just about re-arranging your furniture, painting your kitchen, or buying a Buddha statute. It is a book that can give you specific objectives and concrete ways to make inner and outer shifts that will improve your life. The pictures are pretty – but most of us aren’t living that Pottery Barn existence. But with the life you have, you can still use this book to help organize, clean up, clear out and straighten out both your inner and outer self. Great book.

The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan. Because eating these days is complicated; Mr. Pollan cuts through the confusion; or adds to it, depending on your point of view. But seriously; if you’ve not devoted some time to thinking about what you eat and/or where it came from – it’s time. This book will help you to make wise choices – which is more difficult than you might think.

Moving Toward Balance, Eight Weeks of Yoga with Rodney Yee, by Rodney Yee with Nina Zolotow. Okay, you’re looking for a yoga book – about poses (asana); something that will show you “how to,” give you sequences; help you to develop a home practice. This is my favorite go-to book. Beautiful, detailed photographs; each pose has three variations, depending on your level of expertise, and uses props when needed; and then, of course, there is the beautiful Rodney Yee. His alignment is perfect, and he’s a gorgeous man. Win, win.

Happy Yoga, by Steve Ross. Steve Ross is my original guru; I discovered yoga through Steve Ross on the Oxygen network, with his 6:00 am class called “Inhale.” Sitting on the couch, half-asleep, nursing a baby. Looking at beautiful, happy, flexible people. One day I taped the show; got my butt off the couch; and it completely changed my life. His book is easy to read; accessible; and very easy to skip around as you choose what you are interested in, and pass over what doesn’t yet click with your mind. Great book, light read, fun stories; and plenty of things that will make you think.

The Spiritual Science of Kriya Yoga, Goswami Kriyananda. Complete disclosure here, Kriyanandaji is my spiritual grandfather; just the sound of his voice puts me in my happy place. This is the book to choose when you are ready to look beyond yoga as a physical practice. Yes, asana will change your life. Ready to embrace the entire eight-limb system? Start here. Brilliant chapters on the yamas and niyamas; great information on pranayama and meditation; get past the initial chapters on cleansing techniques (some sound scary!) and you’ll be on your way.

Jivamukti Yoga, Sharon Gannon and David Life. Nobody makes loving God and living a holy, spiritual life seem more hip and current than Jivamukti yoga founders Sharon Gannon and David Life. Great information here for those of you looking for a unique and modern spiritual path.

Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda. Another disclosure here ; Yoganandaji is also my lineage. And I find the complex, formal English that he uses a little tough to wade through – but it is worth it. Follow him as he grows from boy to man to yoga master, living the Kriya yoga tradition. Through success and failure, confusion and certainty, this book is full of inspirational passages, and fascinating glimpses of what it is like to experience the path of the yogi living in the ashram; beautiful tales of life in India; as well as a vision of the beautiful path of the householder. It has earned its place as a classic. Very worthwhile.

The Essential Edgar Cayce, by Mark Thurston, Ph.D. If you at all connect to Jesus Christ, you will be fascinated by the psychic readings of Edgar Cayce. This book gives the basic concepts of the nature of reality, keys to health and healing, and some insights to mystic Christianity as given through the readings of Edgar Cayce. A great launching point into the Cayce material that will help you to discover your interests, and lead you into a deeper understanding.

The Astrology Bible, by Judy Hall. I have a lot of astrology books. And astrology is a deep, multi-layered science. This book is small, easy to read and very complete. Great for beginners, but also offers much to the experienced student of astrology. Concise; attractive; detailed enough, but not overwhelming. Great starting point for your astrology studies.

Sooooo . . . no excuses for sitting in front of the television, or blobbing out on Facebook; this is a fascinating, amazing world; there is so much to learn, so much to experience; and you chose to be here.

Hit the library, the bookstore, or Amazon.com.

You’ve got some studying to do.

Shanti,

Jill

Time of Change

2010-02-05T16:20:00.012-05:00

There is a dramatic period of change coming upon us . . . do you feel it?

I do. And it alternately thrills me and terrifies me. Such is my relationship to change.

We are preparing to enter a new phase of existence. A period of astrology that indicates a vast shift that involves our country, the planet and pretty much everyone and everything on it. It is not something to be afraid of -- but does it sound like mumbo-jumbo to you? It certainly would have to me, not so long ago.

Like many things, when I first heard them, my mind said “what? – no way.”

And then I thought about them; my experiences augmented my understanding; and instead it was “Ah-HA!” Think back; is that true for you?

When I was pretty young – about 21 years old -- I worked as a secretary at a law firm in Boston; a big-time law firm, my desk on the 36th floor overlooking the ocean -- and I worked for two incredible, brilliant women. One of them was an up-and-coming associate, and though I respected her, and liked her, I still didn’t give her thoughts and opinions the weight that I gave my “senior” partner.

One day she mentioned that she had stopped eating meat for the environment. Well, this was a while back – 1988-ish – and I thought that was gibberish. “Well,” she stated -- without any malice or edge to her opinion -- “It takes 2,000 gallons of water for each pound of beef . . . and so I’ve stopped eating red meat.”

Oh, PLEASE! I thought. That’s ridiculous! Makes no sense.

But actually – it does. You’ve got to give water to that animal as it grows; plant, nurture, harvest and process it’s food; deal with it’s excrement; and then – when you kill the animal, there is a lot of water involved in dissecting, processing, packaging, and cleaning up the mess.

Two thousand gallons per pound actually sounds like an understatement.

But at the time, my mind was not open; whatever contradicted my mindset at the time, I immediately placed in my own mental garbage pile. I was not prepared for my concepts, my ideals, to be challenged. My own sense of self was not even completely formed. How could my mind do battle with anything foreign? I just wasn’t equipped.

It was like that with astrology. I mean, really – reading the stars? Watching the planets? Okay – reading the daily horoscope, that was acceptable – but really getting into the movement of the planets, signs, houses? Absurd!

Then I read “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramahansa Yogananda. Which, if you read it, is not at all what you would expect. Yoganandaji is so honest in his failures, so humble in his glories. There is so much great information in this book, and there is an excellent chapter entitled “Outwitting the Stars.” In it Yoganandaji says to his teacher “I don’t believe in astrology.” And Sri Yukteswar’s response is fantastic: “

It is not a question of belief; the scientific attitude one should take on any subject is whether it is true. The law of gravitation worked as efficiently before Newton as after him. The cosmos would be fairly chaotic of its laws could not operate without the sanction of human belief.”

He goes on to explain astrology in a way that makes it real; that ties it together with why we exist; where we came from; and where we’re going. It opened my mind to the possibility, and I decided to look a little deeper.

Have you ever admired a glorious full moon? Really beautiful, isn’t it? And it is really just a reflection of the Sun; without the Sun, we would never even see it.

That Moon – one very small celestial body in the vast sky -- has the power to move the oceans on this planet, and create the tides; you yourself are almost 75 percent water – it effects you, too.

Now ponder – it takes a MILLION Earths to reach the equivalent size of the Sun; a MILLION.

That’s . . . a lot.

And our “Sun” is but just one star in a solar system in a galaxy full of other stars, planets and systems. We are on a small tilted planet, spinning through space; we think we know what is up and what is down; what is “right” and what is “left” (or what is “right” or “wrong”). But really, to quote my Guru, “we’re a speck, on a speck, on a speck.”

Astrology gives us that insight into where, when and how. And now – big change is coming.

It is not random, and whether it is positive or negative will depend a lot upon your viewpoint, and your astrology.

Don’t let your cultural programming take over. Investigate; then decide.

Shanti,

Jill

Feng Shui and the Jolly Roger

2010-01-25T08:07:00.005-05:00

Over the Summer, a new family moved in next door. There is a flag pole right next to the property line. My previous neighbors had flown the American flag.

I came home one day, and there, flying proudly from the flag pole, and flapping over our fence, is the jolly roger; no kidding – the classic pirate flag; big, ole’ black flag with the skull and crossbones.

Right in the “wealth and prosperity” corner of our backyard, too.

My mother was visiting at the time, and I lamented, “What does it mean to have the jolly roger flying in my backyard?” She wisely observed “It means you have a teenage boy living next door, that’s what.” Aaah, true. Maybe it means no more than that.

There are no accidents, I truly believe this. And when something (or someone) comes into your life, into your Universe, as it were, there is a reason.

Last year, for weeks, I kept seeing men with canes. I would pass at least two on the way into the Studio to teach every morning, and then also see them randomly throughout my day, EVERY day. A man with a cane waiting for a bus; a man with a cane walking down the street. Even had one walk directly out into the street in front of me, so that I had to stop the car and let him pass. So, I kept thinking “what is going on?” What is God trying to tell me with these men with canes?

I knew there was a message; the language of the Universe, of the subconscious mind, is not English, or Spanish, or even Sanskrit. It is symbols; that is why dreams are important, symbolic events are important; and if you happen to see three or more men with canes EVERY SINGLE DAY for a month, there is some meaning there.

During this period, I also kept thinking – getting the message in my mind -- that I should spend more time reading and studying the Bhavagad Gita (literally the “Song of God”). But I wasn’t making time for it. Couldn’t see why I should drop my several other books, and study materials to go back to something I’d already read.

One Saturday morning, I was preparing to teach. It’s about five minutes before class is to begin, and the room is filling with students. Up the (very long) staircase to the Studio, limps a man, using a cane. One of the men I’d seen daily, waiting for the bus.

He was dressed in street clothes, and obviously dependent on the cane. I’m thinking, “How the heck am I going to teach asana to this guy? And isn’t it a little weird that one of my cane guys is HERE?”

One o f my students knew him by name, and greeted him in a reserved manner; this made me a little less nervous, but I was still freaked out. He started walking around, checking the place out, and quizzing me gruffly. “So, what do you teach here?” “Do you teach meditation?” “What about philosophy?” I tried to respond to his questions, as my eyes darted back and forth from him to the clock to my students, realizing that it was time to begin class.

Finally, he turned dramatically toward me, pointed his finger at me and said “Have you read the Gita?” “. . . yes . . .” I answered, none too convincingly. “Sum up the Gita in one word” he commanded. My mind was swimming. “. . . umm . . .” – “This,” I said, circling my hand around my body, “this is the battlefield.” He stopped for a moment. I was holding my breath. “Yes!” he said, and hobbled over to the bench, beginning to put his shoes back on. I wished him farewell, and went in and started teaching the class.

I’m still not sure that is the right answer.

Upon review of my life, I realized that men with canes meant that I was leaning on something. I stopped doing that. I made time to study the Gita. And, the men with canes, they disappeared.

As much as I would prefer that the Universe would drop a scroll from the sky with detailed instructions, or tell me in a booming voice “JILL, DO THIS” or “JILL, DON’T DO THAT,” or even “JILL, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR HAPPY MIND?” it doesn’t work that way. We have free will; we make choices; but we are being guided towards our highest and best self, if we simply open our eyes, and our minds, to the symbols all around us.

The picture up at the top, I took it out of my kitchen window. I’m still trying to figure out why the view includes a skull and crossbones. Look today out of YOUR kitchen window; look upon the symbols in your life -- with fresh eyes and an open mind. You might be surprised by what you see, and what you learn.

Shanti,

Jill

On Babies

2010-01-11T10:08:00.003-05:00

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, like a newborn baby. Oh, some people aren’t fond of the squishy newborn phase.

But, for me, there is just something about this teeny-tiny babe. All gurgle and coo; wonderment and wiggle. This tiny little being, just a bit bigger than a bag of flour, swallows your heart whole as they completely take over your life.

It is so much harder than you can even imagine.

Even with the help of loving family and friends, when you’re the momma, you’re the momma. You are the preferred (and demanded!) cuddler and feeder. For me, especially with the breast feeding, it felt like my whole body belonged to my baby. Like I had handed my entire being over to this adorable little dictator, and I was no longer within my own jurisdiction or control.

Rather terrifying, actually.

Not long ago I received an email request for advice from a student who has become a friend. A sweet, shiny soul, who has had three children in the span of four years. (All together now – YIKES!)

She asked for some advice for when things got “really crazy.” And if you’ve never been the point person when the responsibility includes a four-year-old, two-year-old and an infant, then you just can’t even comprehend the level of chaos. And combine it with a serious lack of sleep and the total subjugation of pretty much all your own desires and goals. Even if your most ambitious goal for the day is to just take a shower (for God’s sake!).

She found what I wrote helpful, and I hope that whether your babies are two or thirty-two, you’ll consider this advice:

I'm feeling for you girl. Having it all is HARD WORK.

Only advice I can give . . . err on the side of giving attention to those older children. The baby will be the most flexible.

When people offer help TAKE IT. And if they don't offer . . . ASK. Asking is so hard, but you've got to do it.

Book the babysitter. Make 20 phone calls if that is what it takes.

Ignore everything but toxic dirt. Sleep absolutely whenever you can.

Let go of silly things. The best thing about having the third is that it makes you realize what really matters, and what doesn't.

Decide what nourishes you and MAKE IT HAPPEN -- massage, yoga, walks in the neighborhood. Remember if Mama ain't happy, ain't no one gonna be happy. YOU and your happiness, it matters.

Don't let your marriage suffer; ask your husband to do what will be helpful and keep the lines of communication open. I read once that any good marriage is a re-marriage . . . because you grow and change, he grows and changes . . . and your life changes. So you need to get together every so often and renegotiate who does what, what you need, what you want, what makes you happy, etc. Make sure you both realize this and it will save you a lot of money in therapy.

Know that as long as you feed, clothe and love your children, you are able to do more than most other mothers on the planet, despite their best efforts. Everything else you offer is a bonus; whatever happens to them is really their karma; take care of yours, and the rest will fall into place.

Now, where is my babysitter's telephone number . . . .

Shanti,

Jill

Inspiration

2010-01-06T17:54:00.005-05:00

Inspiration. This time of year people are casting about for inspiration to create conscious change in their lives. We all want a catalyst, something or someone that will propel us through the inertia of our habit patterns and old ways of thinking and being.

Interestingly enough, the first definition of inspiration that appears in Webster’s New World Dictionary is this: “1. a breathing in.” And the last is this: “5. a divine influence upon human beings, as that resulting in the writing of the Scriptures.”

Where are you looking for your inspiration to become the best expression of yourself? Will you choose to create meaningful change based on a number on a bathroom scale? Or from realizing that you are co-creator of this life experience and you want to make your life better?

What you are “breathing in” to create change in your life and the lives of those around you? Have you made space in your life for that divine influence to flow in and inspire you?

And most importantly – do you think you’re worthy?

You’ve got to really care about yourself if you want to improve your life. To believe deep down that you deserve all the good things this existence has to offer. To understand that happiness and prosperity, love and respect are all things that can flow into your life if you can get out of your own way.

There’s a lot of self-importance in this world, but not much genuine self-esteem.

When was it that beating ourselves up became a sport?

Do you disagree? Truly – open any magazine, watch television, look at the books on our bookshelves. The message being openly (and not so openly) communicated is “you’re not enough.” You need this product to be more beautiful; this food to be more healthy. A better car; a nicer couch; a cooler phone. Even best-selling book series are for “dummies” and “idiots.”

A couple years ago I purchased the “Idiot’s Guide to Yoga with Children.” When I opened the box and extracted the book, my eldest daughter (age 9 at the time) immediately protested about the name. She took the book, sat down, and taped paper over the word “idiot” on the cover and spine of the book and wrote the word “genuis” in its place.

At the time it didn’t seem very important to me. But every time I see that book on my shelf, it reminds me to think about the importance of positive language and positive symbolism. To watch out for the under-current of negativity in our culture, and counter it with my own brand of positivity.

Go back and review your list of new year’s resolutions; of things you want to change, fix or improve. What is truly inspiring you to make these changes? What are you taking into the very core of your being that will spur you on to become your highest and best self?

Don’t change because your culture wants you to, or your husband wants you to, or your mother, or your neighbors or your boss. Do it because you want the best for you. Because you want to feel healthy, be happy, and become wise. Do it because improving your life is the way to improve the entire world.

Be inspired by the fact that you are a part of God, not apart from God. Know that you are “purnam” -- perfect, whole and complete.

Let that knowledge inspire you this year, and always.

Shanti,

Jill

New Year's Resolutions

2009-12-30T18:07:00.004-05:00

You’re maybe making a list? Checking it twice? Not a gift list, but a resolution list.

It is that time of year again; after the excesses of the holidays, our lack of routine and discipline, it feels like a good time to make big changes. To resolve to shift things we know are not in our best interests; to eat healthier, exercise regularly; soften the rough edges of our personalities; maybe act a little more kind and loving to our fellow beings.

But before any lists can be made, what must come first is “tarka.” Tarka is a yogic term that means review; a period of time to contemplate and take stock of things. Looking back over the past day or month; year or decade; to see where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re headed.

It’s very much like planning a garden.

You start by looking at the previous year’s harvest. How did it grow? What crops fared well, and what didn’t? Where were the weeds rampant? Were there enough tomatoes, or too much cabbage? Did you think you planted spinach and got lettuce instead?

And what about the soil -- did you take the time to prepare the ground? Did you plant carrots in clay and strawberries in the shade? Were you flexible enough to adjust to unknown factors – like insects; lack of water; and (if you live in Floyd County) the occasional hail storm?

The only difference is in life, we are simultaneously reaping AND sowing. Every moment, every experience has been created through our words, thoughts and actions.

Knowing that, living that, can you reflect on what has come into your life this year, and what has faded away?

Examine the people you have attracted into your inner and outer circle this year. Are they positive and encouraging? Loving and giving? Inspiring and inspired? Are they leading you toward your highest and best self?

Are you living your authentic life? Following your path? Serving others but not diminishing yourself?

And what is it that you REALLY desire in this life, anyway?

If you thought you’d been planting peppers, but keep getting pumpkins, remember it’s not the pumpkin’s fault it’s not a pepper. You have to go all the way back to the original planting to see the origin of your error. And you may have to wait a full season to get another chance to plant those peppers, so you need to be ready.

Sometimes the length of time between action and consequence keeps us from connecting the dots and understanding what we created. Tarka helps with this.

Take some time to review 2009; look through your journal or calendar, and take notes. (What??? You don’t journal!? Ahhh, a great resolution for you!)

Remember you can never change anyone else; you can only change you and your reaction to the world around you.

Prepare the soil of your heart; open yourself to the pure potential that exists within.

Shanti,

Jill

Sacred Images, Sacred Objects

2009-12-19T21:26:00.008-05:00

Today is December 19, 2009, and here in Roanoke, Virginia, we were blessed with a beautiful snowstorm. Sixteen inches! Lots of snow, by our standards.

Do you see the photograph? It is from our yard. It is a picture of Saint Francis, Patron Saint of Animals; he resides in our garden. Usually, come wintertime, he resides in our garage, protected from the elements. This year, we forgot to put him away, out of the weather.

Doesn’t he have the most beautiful, peaceful face? Isn’t it interesting that the snow did not cover it?

This does not surprise me. There are many events on record where sacred objects have gone unharmed, even in the most dangerous of circumstances. It brings me back to my days working as the office manager of a restoration construction company. We specialized in fire and water damage.

One Christmas season, we restored a home that had suffered a very serious fire; I remember the project manager showing me photographs of the home. They had a nativity scene displayed on a card table against a wall; the fire and smoke visibly went around the nativity – seriously, you looked at this photograph and could see the smoke go up and around the whole table. It was wild to look at; everything around it destroyed, burned; ruined. The nativity was untouched.

It boggled my mind at the time.

Now, I understand.

Today, as I notice our precious, uncovered Saint Francis miraculously peering out of the snow -- inside, in the house, I have been busy -- preparing photographs of the Kriya lineage for at least a week. Locating, procuring and printing photographs and pictures of the saints and sages who support me in my practice, so I can display them inside my small meditation space.

These saints and sages, they commune with me daily; in my meditation, my life and in my work. They are conduits for the living Divine energy that flows through me when I teach.

For some reason, it really never occurred to me to place their photos in my meditation space, even though I display their photographs prominently on a shelf in the living room.

Recently Andrea Boyd and Jeffrey Cohen of Jivamukti Yoga Charleston (SC) came to Roanoke to instruct some workshops. Mary Brown, Uttara’s Jivamukti instructor – a true conduit of the Divine, and a very dedicated student of yoga -- took on the responsibility of preparing the altar for their workshop.

And oh, it was SO beautiful. See the photograph? Amazing!

Andrea and Jeffrey came and brought additional pictures of their teachers to adorn the altar. I lucked out (truly!) on a spot in the front row; and practiced for two hours before this sacred altar -- adorned with fresh flowers, Ganesha (overcomer of obstacles) and photographs of the Jivamukti lineage.

As I pushed my body and mind through practices I thought not capable, I looked into the eyes of Ruth Lauer-Manenti. As I expanded my consciousness, under the expert guidance of Andrea and Jeffrey, Sharon Gannon and David Life peered from small, ornate frames. There was magic in those practices, and in those photographs.

When I have sat at the lotus feet of my beloved Guruji, there have always been photographs of Kriyanandaji and Shellyji on the altar. But only at this workshop did I realize the true power of those images. That is when I decided it was important to integrate them into my meditation space.

I sat before them today in meditation; and the energy shift was palpable.

Christians are careful not to worship graven images; and I understand that concept. We as Americans place the image of the flag everywhere; but not always with respect and understanding.

I saw an American flag doormat in a catalog this Summer – THINK about that symbolism.

Thoug -- yes -- no one wants to worship the golden idol, the ceramic goddess -- UNDERSTAND that images, statues, photographs – they have “shakti” – a real energy; they have power.

During this beautiful period of waiting for the Christ-child; waiting for the Light to return; however you choose to honor the shifting of the season; remember that your photographs, your nativity scenes, your traditions and your totems; the ornaments on your tree; the photographs in your cards, the things that you elevate and honor; they have meaning; they have shakti; they have power.

Give them the respect they so lovingly deserve.

Shanti,

Jill

To Card or Not To Card

2009-12-16T22:22:00.005-05:00

So, it’s mid-December; the crunch is on. I’ve got three young children and feel the need to make the holiday happen – there are expectations to be met, and traditions to be upheld; even as the cosmic ground shifts beneath us, as the world begins to change. (I’m sure you feel it).

Things are also busy at the Studio. The number of students this time of year is a little low, but there are gift packages to put together, the Winter Solstice celebration, gearing up for coming events.

I have come to the point in life where I realize (a little late, I might add) that I matter, too. My experience of the holiday counts. What do I want?

I want to bake LOTS of cookies – pecan tassies, Russian teacakes, sugar cookies, candy-cane cookies, mmmmmmm . . . . (always my soft spot). I want to decorate the tree – my way (loads of not matching ornaments, colorful lights; Martha Stewart would NOT approve). I want to spent time with friends, having tea, catching up. I want to purchase gifts that are meaningful and useful (and I want to do it quickly and efficiently; I do NOT want to spend time shopping).

I want to ponder the birth of Jesus; spend time exploring my relationship with him and the Blessed Mother; and continue to reconcile the wonder of His divine love to my life, as I live it, today.

This Thanksgiving, I made a plan. And a resolution. Need to simplify . . . so I decided not to send holiday cards this year.

They have always hung over my head, year after year. I was thinking, how great to have no pressure to produce a perfect photograph (okay, any REASONABLE photograph) of my three children. No pressure to locate the cards left over from last year (um, seriously; where are they? I’m a logical person; but why, oh why, aren’t they in my Christmas box?) No pressure to write our names over and over; no pressure to jot a note, or to write one of those little newsletter things.

Such a relief to let go of one more holiday requirement – er, um, I mean, tradition.

But now, cards from friends and family have begun to arrive in our mail.

And I’m so grateful to receive them! Beautiful photographs of my friends and their children. It is wonderful to see those babies growing and changing from year to year. And my friends, too! Not so young, but just as beautiful as ever. They are happy; they are well; they are living their lives, unfolding in their purpose. It is joyful to read even the the most brief of updates.

So now, at the last minute, I am re-thinking my plan. How can I repay these people for the happiness, the joy, the news that they have sent to me?

I think, perhaps -- maybe -- I’ll just send a couple cards – a select few.

So -- how do I choose???

Some cards come from my oldest and dearest friends; I never want to break that link. Some come from new friends. Those who know me as I am now are just as precious.

I glance at the calendar; there’s a little break in my schedule in February!

Perhaps, I’ll send Valentines.

I hope that you enjoy the blessings of the season.

If your heart feels hard, give even the smallest gift to someone in need. There is no greater blessing than to be able to give.

Shanti,

Jill

Breathwork Homework

2009-12-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

I am taking a Restorative Breathwork training course in order to become certified as a Barratt Breathworks restorative practioner. Part of my homework for this month is building an awareness of my own breath. Taking time to lie in savasana (the corpse pose/final relaxation pose), and explore the rhythm, depth, location, movement, pace – everything! about my own natural breath.

This sounds pretty simple; it is not.

Not only that, but for me, locating time to lie quietly and breathe in a household of three children is difficult. Convincing them that what I am doing is actually homework is mission impossible. But the toughest part is trying to concentrate, stay present with the breath, and not allow my mind to go bonkers when they (inevitably) interrupt.

My daughter wanders in, seeing me lying on the floor, eyes closed.

“Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.

Mommy?

Mommy??! MOMMY!!!!!!”

I pop off the floor -- "WHAT!????!! -- I’m doing my homework!"

“Homework?” she replies, “I wish that was MY homework.”

I do a mental eye roll. This is not easy; my breathing homework is hard. Breathwork digs up emotions, breaks down barriers; breathwork is WORK. I lie back down, close my eyes, and try to resume my practice. Relax the body; quiet the mind; notice my breath.

My son wanders in, lies down next to me and curls up close, snuggling my arm. As I open my eyes, his head lifts and he smiles down at me. “I guess this is cuddle work,” he says, and then lays back down.

Ah, yes – cuddle work. I think I’ll pursue my Ph.D.

Attachment (actually, food)

2009-12-02T20:22:00.004-05:00

Been thinking a lot about attachment lately.
Because I have a LOT of attachments. Many of them relate to food.

Now, I’m not talking about food as something that nourishes the body; gives it fuel; quells the growling. I’m talking about food as comfort, food as love – food as all the things it’s not really supposed to be.

An acupuncturist once told me once that I was a “super taster,” and I think it is true. When I was growing up, I could taste flavors no one else in my family could. That didn’t mean I was picky or limited. My mom says I ate absolutely everything as a baby, except Jello. (I am very proud of that, by the way – you might say, attached. And I still think Jello is disgusting.)

I eat certain things and they transport me; to a certain time, moment, memory. To an emotional connection of safety or security (or sometimes, loss and negativity – I stay away from those recipes).

There are certain foods from childhood that I eat because I associate them with comfort; mainly crunchy-salty with ooey-gooey. Think buttered popcorn, well-salted; French fries (preferably homemade) with Heinz ketchup (they make an organic Heinz ketchup now, you know?!). And almost anything involving wheat and melted cheese (sigh!).

And, truly -- I have not eaten meat in 20 years, but if my grandmother came to my house right now and made her pot roast, I’d eat, and eat, and eat.

Would it really be about the pot roast?

Um, no.

It was the love she poured into it, her desire for us to be nourished and feel cared for – she loved her family beyond measure, and it showed in everything she did, everything she said, and in the food she so lovingly prepared.

This brings me back to my attachments, and food. There are so many things I want to say about food; I’m a Taurean; I could write about it, think about it, meditate on it for lifetimes. Instead, today I’ll narrow my focus, and speak only to my attachment to how food is prepared.

There is this thing called prana – a Sanskrit term that translates as lifeforce or life energy. It permeates all of existence – it is in the air we breathe, the thoughts we think, the food we ingest. It animates the Universe; it is the breath of God within us. It is why we can hook a body up to a machine, but it is not alive – no prana. A lack of prana is why people can be living on this Earth, but not be truly alive. It is important, but invisible.

In our culture, no one tells us it exists.

But to us yogis, it is very, very important; we want to harness it, purify it – bring it into our being, balance it in our energy body, and lift it up, up, up – to the heaven within, as it were. When bringing prana in through food, it matters how the food is prepared, and who prepares the food – what their intention was, their vibration. As well as our attitude and emotions upon consuming the food. Feeling angry, feeling deprived? Feeling grateful, feeling cared for?

It matters.

This explains why you can inhale 2,000 calories from the drive-thru, and be ravenous two hours later – no prana, baby.

I am somewhat attached to the convenience of a microwave – not so much for cooking, but for re-heating. For zapping water for tea, re-heating a plate of leftovers, melting butter to popcorn-annointing perfection; you understand. But my ayurvedic practitioner friend, David, told me in September that when you microwave the food – it zaps the prana. Cooking it from within makes it devoid of life energy.

My friend Julia has been telling me microwaves,were no good for years. But this really put it over the top for me.

So, I told my children and husband about the damage the microwave causes to our food. Even threatened to remove the offending machine (mostly so I would not be tempted to use it). But my husband gently pleaded; “But, honey, I use it a lot, especially for breakfast.”

Well, he had me there; 10 years of nagging (kindly! lovingly!) my wonderful husband to eat something (anything!) for breakfast – I’m not gonna mess with that.

Two of the children took it all in stride; but my little Pisces?
She’s not going to let me off the hook.

Last week: “Is that prana-free macaroni and cheese” she inquires of her sister. Her sister shrugs, “Uh, yeah.”

Yesterday, I pull lunch out of the microwave. “Is that a no-prana enchilada?” she asks.” “Ah, yes -- but, I . . . but . . . but.” I stammer. “. . . . but . . . it’s 2:40 pm . . . and I haven’t had lunch . . . and I’m really, really hungry.”

[pause]

She looks at me.
“Okay,” I say, “I’m being lazy.”
She nods, and comments, “Couldn’t you use the toaster oven?”
I stare blankly. She relents.
But the lesson is learned. I am saying one thing to her, yet doing another.

Today, I have a very bad sore throat. And I’m not saying that it is because I microwaved my enchilada.

But I am making some homemade clam-corn chowder. On the stove. With love and intention. And I promise NOT to microwave the leftovers tomorrow.

Shanti,

Jill

Truth and Santa Claus

2009-11-27T09:15:00.007-05:00

We’re driving in the car the other evening, and my six-year old son says, “Mommy, is Santa Claus real?”

It’s a question that causes every parent to gasp. He’s my youngest, and I want him to believe as long as possible in the magic and mystery that is Santa. It’s pretty amazing how many thoughts ricocheted around in my head before I simply said, “Well, honey, what do you think?”

There was a momentary pause, and he began to laugh. “Well, OF COURSE,” he giggled. “Who do you think brings all that stuff, the Easter Bunny?”

Now, that is funny.

I must say I’ve always felt a little uneasy with the whole Santa Claus-Easter Bunny-Tooth Fairy thing. When my children were really small, I remember thinking how important it was to tell them the truth, to be the one person they could count on to lay down the unflinching reality of life. I didn’t want to cause harm or create fear, or give them information they could not absorb. I only wanted to state the facts as I knew them and saw them, so that they could trust me on every level.

In yoga, the Sanskrit word for truth is “satya.” It is one of the yamas, which in the classic eight-limbed system is the very first step in the yoga journey. “Yama” means control or abstention. And the yamas are very much like the Ten Commandments, except there are five, and they are way more strict.

The yamas are to be followed on three different but interconnected levels: thought, word and deed. You must not only decide and accept what the truth is, you must also speak it and allow your actions to convey that truth. Finally, all three levels must be balanced with the most important yama, non-violence. As Goswami Kriyananda clarifies in his book The Spiritual Science of Kriya Yoga, “Many people find it difficult to distinguish between truth and untruth. Whatever the ultimate solution is for each individual, the guiding factor should be mindfulness so that there is: (1) No intention to harm. (2) A true understanding of truth in your own mind, speech and actions as it relates to the whole of life.”

This guideline requires that you have a “true understanding of truth.” I struggle with this. What is truth? “Truth is one, but paths are many,” said Swami Satchidananda. Sometimes it seems to me that the path is one, and the truths are many. Maybe the answer comes from investigating truth on a much bigger, cosmic scale.

Which leads me back to the bearded man in the bright red suit.

What to tell the children about Santa? My choice, wise or not, has been to dodge, parry and spin. I’ve been known to say “who, me, Santa? Are you kidding? Do you think I could travel the world and give out toys and still be here in the morning to make you breakfast?”

But I also remind them it is important to believe in things they cannot see and science cannot verify. It is important to think about angels and fairies, magic and mysticism. To remember that because we can see something with our eyes doesn’t make it real and it doesn’t make it permanent.

The most real things in this world – love, faith, God, energy – are invisible to most of us. Believe in the power of that which you cannot see but can feel and sense. That belief alone can be enough to make it so.

But also . . . seek truth.

Shanti,

Jill

Gratitude

2009-11-24T15:00:00.005-05:00

In the spirit of the Thanksgiving holiday, I would like to offer up some gratitude.

You may have heard of Dr. Masaru Emoto, the scientist who has performed a series of experiments with water. He places the water in a freezer and, just as it crystallizes, takes a photograph. He does this while exposing the water to different stimuli – placing them in labeled containers, playing certain music, exposing the water to computers, microwaves, etc. For more on this, check out his book, The Hidden Messages In Water. It has lots of great pictures and is a quick, fun read.

In the prologue to this book, he states that the phrase “love and gratitude,” when placed on a container holding water, created the most beautiful water crystal he had ever seen. He suggests that those two words -- love and gratitude -- are the words that should serve as the guide for the world.

After reading the book, that really stuck with me. When I pray and meditate, I always remember to offer love and gratitude. And, in my daily life, I try to wrap every act with not only love and kindness, but with a grateful heart.

It is so easy to take things for granted. The warm water in the shower and soap to wash with; a light coming on when I flip the switch; the car that starts when I turn the key; plenty of food and clean water. I live a very privileged life on this planet, and the list is long.

Those things are material, temporal; they make life more comfortable. When all that is gone, what am I grateful for?

I am grateful for the grace of God, and the opportunity to enter the dream.
I am grateful that after many years on the planet, I have reconnected with a mystical tradition that feeds my spirit, and soothes my soul.
I am grateful for my parents, brother, and sister for loving me always.
I am grateful for my husband, who supports me, adores me, and makes everything better.
I am grateful for my children for their bottomless love and their patience while mommy grows up.
I am grateful for the guidance, wisdom and prema of the Holy Kriya lineage.
I am grateful for all my teachers.
I am especially for Enoch Dasa Giri (Guruji) and Kim Schwartz.
I am grateful for Mataji, ishta of my heart.
I am grateful for my students (who are often my teachers), who inspire me.
I am grateful for my friends, who are always there when I need help.
I am grateful for my sister and brother disciples, who help me to stay centered and grounded.
I am grateful for everyone who helped to create Uttara. (That list of people is LONG).

I am also grateful that you read this far.

Now it’s your turn. Make your list.
And remember, LOVE and GRATITUDE.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Shanti,

Jill

Teaching Yoga in Schools

2009-11-20T08:38:00.009-05:00

There are few things as emotionally satisfying as teaching yoga to children. They totally get it. Closer to the source than most grown-ups, they are better able to open their minds to possibility and potential.

Most of them, unlike most adults, still live in their bodies. Ask them to chant “Ram, Ram, Ram” and they can tell you where it vibrates. Take them on a journey in their mind to a secret garden, or flying over the ocean, and they’re there. It’s not a leap for them to sense the connectedness between themselves and the animals, the trees, the stars.

I’ve learned a lot over the past couple years about teaching children and about children living in our culture. When structuring a class, the number one thing is have a Plan A, B, C and D. Children tend to merge into each other’s energies pretty quickly, and depending on who is leading the pack that day, the game that worked great with the first class might be greeted with sneers by the next.

The second thing I learned is that it is a different world, more challenging world. Children are coming to school without being fed. Without getting a descent night’s sleep. Without a pencil to write with. Without the ability to sit still or to listen. If you know anyone who is a school teacher, especially a public school teacher, you should go out of your way to thank them for their service to your community.

Last year I was teaching a small group of children. One girl was holding her stomach, her face pinched. I asked what was wrong and she said her stomach hurt. So we did yoga for tummy aches; knees into the chest, twists – we call it the “tummy series” at my house. At the end of class I mentioned to the aide that I hoped it had helped. “Well,” the woman shook her head, “it’s probably because she’s hungry.” It felt like a slap just to hear it.

Our children are under a lot of stress. A lot. Sometimes, I’m not sure that children from well-to-do familes are any better off. I’ve seen children that cannot sit on the floor with straight legs. Really; the back of the body THAT tight. I asked one little boy, second grader: “Honey, when you lay down to go to sleep, can you go to sleep or do you just lay there while your mind jumps around?” His eyes grew wide. “How did you know that?” he asked. How did I know? The body – it doesn’t lie.

The third thing I’ve learned is that children yearn to be noticed and acknowledged as individuals. I guess we all do.

Have you seen these cars around with the little stickers on the back that indicate the family members who ride in the car? The little stick-figure dad, mom, girl, boy and cat, or any of the endless combinations that we would label a family unit? What is it the occupant is trying to tell us? Is it that they just want to be acknowledged; for us to know a little about their story? Or because, without those other people and things, they have no reference point; no identity?

So often in yoga with children, they tell me little snippets of their life. “My Grandma is picking me up today.” “Daddy doesn’t live at my house anymore.” “I have a boo boo on my knee.” They see me for ½ an hour, just a few times in a month; and yet run up for hugs, for acknowledgement of their existence; to ask if they can share their pain.

Last week I finished up teaching yoga to the first grade at the local elementary school. At the beginning of the class I announced that it would be our last class until January because I’d be teaching the fourth grade for a few weeks.

Instantly one little girl raised her hand, and I pointed to her to speak, expecting to hear a request for a pose.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you, too,” I replied.

THAT is yoga.

Shanti,

Jill

Clean up, Clean out

2009-11-16T08:50:00.003-05:00

A collision of events has led to complete disorganization in my home. Seriously; it’s bad.

There are piles on the piles; things half done and undone. Mold in the bathroom, stacks of things to be filed, unhung pictures leaning against the walls. The cat threw up in the basement . . . a while ago (it is out of the traffic area, mind you). If my home were a feng shui movie, it would be rated R.

And it’s making me crazy. The more disorganized things are, the more it feeds the disorganization. When the baskets of clothes go unfolded, the clothes get tossed everywhere (“MOM! I have no clean jeans without holes in the knees!”).

The mess and distraction keeps me from accomplishing anything, because I must drift from place to place to find things, to locate a clean surface to work, or just to redistribute the piles.

So last week, I launched my attack. Lists made, boxes at the ready – the whole day wide open. Made some progress. But choosing what to give away, what to recycle, what to toss and what to keep are loaded with difficult decisions for me.

What about the giant stuffed pumpkin my Mother made for the children? The one she said was “for looking at, not playing with.” It was (of course) played with, and is (of course) in shambles. I’m not going to take the time to sew and/or glue it back together; returning it for repair loads me with guilt; can’t donate it because it’s a mess. And to send it to the landfill and require Mother Earth to slowly try to digest it seems even worse.

That is just one thing to make a decision about. I have these possessions (or, they have me); what am I going to do with them?

My next-door neighbor died suddenly last year; it was a terrible shock to me -- he seemed to be in pretty good health. It was also a shock because he was just a fabulous piece of humanity; kind, generous, smart, giving; he was a true inspiration. This Summer, they auctioned off the items from his home that his family did not want or need. It was a quite a spectacle.

The event lasted from early, early morning until after dark; just loads of furniture, art, household items and collections. Things you could tell meant much to him, and other things that were just saved because of some perceived future value. Tons of gifts he had received and stowed away. Things precious, and things not so. Things never used, never opened, but saved nonetheless.

It was a real wake-up call to see everyone prowling around his things. What would it be like if today, right now, my family had to choose what of my possessions to keep and what to let go of? What would it be like to relinquish my belongings to strangers? A good thing to think about because, someday, I will. It is important to recognize that people will be rooting around through my memories to determine what might fetch a good price on E-Bay.

What is it that is truly valuable to me? Am I ready to let things go when the time comes?

Looking at the big, BIG picture -- what else is truly valuable to me? What else do I need to let go of, and is the time to let go now?

It is forcing me to look at my belongings with a new eye. Less form, and more function. Less “gee, I might use that someday” and more “hey, someone else could be using this right now.”

But what to do with that giant, stuffed pumpkin?

Hmmmm . . . . *sigh* More than likely, pack it away and postpone my decision until next year.

Maybe I need to ponder that symbolism, as I catch up on the laundry.

Shanti,

Jill

Poetry Prayer

2009-11-15T13:06:00.005-05:00

I want time to pray.
I want time to play.
I want time to meditate.
I want time to self-create.
I want time to find bliss.
Time alone, I do miss.
I want time to find love
from That which is above.
I want prema, ananda, prajna, shanti.
I want blessings, forgiveness and divinity.
I just keep on wanting,
when instead what I need
is to empty myself.
All this wanting is greed.
I must empty and empty,
take the time to be still.
Until I do that,
there’s no room for God’s will.

Farmer’s Market

2009-11-06T09:00:00.002-05:00

Went to the Grandin Farmer’s market a couple weeks ago. Saw the last of the Summer’s corn at a table and began filling my bag. Alongside me was an older gentleman pulling the tops down on each ear, grumbling, and moving on. Yes, there was some damage at the ends – that mushy stuff that comes from some type of worm – and he pointed it out to me, a cautionary hint. “Look” he said, opening an ear to show me. “Be careful.”

“It’s okay with me,” I replied. “I can just cut it off.”

“Oh,” he said. I considered launching into a local food/non-GMO corn tirade, but I decided against it. I paid for my corn and left.

This exchange came back to mind later that evening, as my children stood before the compost pile, peeling that same corn and squealing (except, of course, the six-year-old boy) about the worms in the tops of the ears. They stood as if posed for a photograph on three little stair steps. It was a precious moment. This made me think more about my decision to purchase the corn with live worms in it, instead of corn from the supermarket, where the worms (if the chemicals didn’t off them) are long dead from the process of transport, chilling, stocking, and sitting.

Somewhere I have read, “I want to eat what the bugs want to eat.” I agree with this sentiment, this emphasis on the natural. Truly, have we decided to sterilize the entire world? To not notice that things are born and die? That bugs and worms and the creepy crawly things helps us eat? That they, in fact, make it possible for us to exist at all?

Must we clean everything up? I’m just as big a fan of Clorox wipes and my Swiffer as anyone, but maybe I’m not looking at the big picture. We hide the sick and the dying, anything not suitable for family television. This affects more than how we thing about our food supply. This sterile attitude has permeated our entire society.

What are the implications? Well, the answer, my friends, is karma. If you poison your food to eliminate worms, then you eat poisoned food. If you poison your water for greater “purity” or a brighter smile, then you drink poisoned water. It’s cause and effect: you don’t let go of the glass goblet without expecting it to plunge to the floor. And you cannot – CANNOT – turn a blind eye to these relationships, to these errors we are making. When we demand perfection from nature, we end up living in an artificial and toxic world of our own design.

Today, right now, take a moment to embrace what is, especially yourself, with all the imperfections of your humanity. Visit a farmer’s market soon and support the fall harvest; take a second look at the imperfect squash and the slightly blemished apple; consider what really matters, and what does not.

Shanti,

Jill