My mind has been quite occupied lately with the subject of
love; the idea of love; the structure of love relationships, of all the various
aspects and ins and outs and ups and downs of love and loving.
I have also been digging into tantra yoga as introduced and
taught to me by an amazing tantric ParaYoga teacher, Katie Silcox. One of the fascinating and appealing aspects
of tantra to me is the worship and connection to the Goddess; the Divine
Mother.
If you haven’t noticed, yoga philosophy as taught today
tends to be a little dude-centered. The
asana classes are packed with women, but the leaders, the lineages, the authors
– mostly men.
Tantra brought me to study the pantheon of Hindu goddesses
(highly recommend Sally Kempton’s book
Awakening Shakti).
All the various Goddesses and Gods of Hinduism represent
various aspects of the energy that is the Divine Feminine and the Divine
Masculine. Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva seem
to get a lot more attention; but maybe that’s because there are so very many MORE
aspects of the Divine Feminine.
Women are complicated.
You knew that, right?
This beautiful study of the Divine Feminine has allowed me
to appreciate all the aspects of the Goddess within myself; to realize I can be
a warrior like Durga; or terrifyingly fierce like Kali. That I can embody the abundance of Lakshmi;
the creativity of Saraswati; the anger of Chhinnamasta; the sensuality of Lalita
Tripura Sundarii. And when unsupported,
as dry and withered as Dhumavahti.
It has also made me realize this: that it is okay to desire, want and work
towards finding my Shiva and uniting with him.
That I can be a complex, intelligent, strong, independent woman and want
a man in my life.
And not just a man in my life; it’s not hard to find someone
to hang out with. But it is hard to find
someone to love who loves you in the way you need to be loved and allows you to
love them to the best of your capability.
To be your friend, companion, playmate, comforter, supporter, lover,
helper. Someone to adore who adores you right
back. Who cherishes you, nurtures you
enough to call you on your stuff and doesn’t run when you call him on his stuff.
All that? That’s
hard.
So many of my friends are strong, brilliant, accomplished,
amazing and beautiful women. They
confide with lowered eyes that they would like to meet someone. Yet there is this feeling that everything
should be okay if you are all those things and yet have no beloved in your
life.
But it’s true, when you don’t, you miss him (or her in some
cases); you are looking for that person who brings you to balance; the Shiva to
your Shakti; the Divine Masculine to unite with your Divine Feminine. The sacred union that harmonizes you.
Vickie Iovine has these great books on child rearing, and I
remember reading them voraciously when my children were little; seeking advice,
help, gosh, anything to help me figure out how to raise these little
creatures! And she wrote a lot about
getting children to sleep in their own beds – a struggle I had with all three
children. She writes in one chapter about
putting a child to bed with their stuffed animals and the child complaining
that they wanted a “live” thing to sleep with – and she proffered the idea that
we all spend our lives looking for the perfect “live” thing to sleep with. She’s got a point.
We want a helper AND to someone to help; a playmate AND co-worker; someone we can tell our
successes and secrets. Who we can laugh
and cry with. Who sees and nurtures the
tender little girl that will always live within us, but who can also see the
sensual, sexual adult woman and create a safe space for that passionate force
to be embraced, enjoyed and explored.
Kriyananda has said that often the closest we humans will ever
get to God consciousness is at the peak of orgasm – because the mind
stops. We come together in union; there
is no mind grasping, no separateness; in that split-second of vibration you
become one with your beloved and everything else falls away. Have you ever had that experience with
someone? If you’re not sure, I would
suggest that you have not. There are
many of us who have spent our time being sexual receptacles and the experience
of truly uniting with another never actually occurs,
Shakti craves Shiva; I’m pretty sure Shiva craves Shakti;
together they become greater than the sum of their parts; or as Shellji would
say “two together strongly are as four against the world.”
Shanti,
Jill
Posts
