What is Love?

Fascinating that we use one word for the vast concept called “love.” Casually tossed around, we use it to end a letter, the equivalent of “goodbye.” Or it can be whispered with quiet determination into your ear by someone you feel a deep connection to, and instantly the mind stops, and your entire universe shifts.

Same word.

We talk a lot about love. Think a lot about love. Have major expectations about love. But really, what is love?

For many people love is attachment; duty; something that comes with a lot of baggage and loads of fine print. (“I love you if” . . . “I love you when” . . . .) My spiritual teacher uses a different word – “prem” -- a Sanskrit term that means Divine love. Love with no opposite.

This world is a place of opposites – hot and cold, up and down, right and wrong, love and hate.

Real love has no opposite.

Unfortunately, many people twist love to mean absolute obedience; love without question or reason; love in the face of abuse and neglect. Complete surrender to another person’s personality. This is absolutely wrong. Allowing yourself to be harmed or demeaned doesn’t teach you anything. And it also creates negativity for the person mistreating you. Suffering is not noble, nor helpful. Real love doesn’t ask you to become a doormat.

How do you find and experience real love? Like most things, the journey begins within you.

You must first fall in love with yourself. Not through massive ego pumping; not from a sense of self-importance or conceit. And certainly not through external things, like how much you weigh, or if you’re having a good hair day.
Love of the self begins with the knowledge that there is a part of you that is connected to something vast and eternal. It comes from being an honorable person, and making choices that allow you to be your best self, both on the inner plane and in the outer world.

It comes from being really honest. Becoming aware of when you are telling yourself untruths about your choices and circumstances.

Love comes from forgiving yourself ; recognizing you are human, and not perfect. And yet, holding yourself to a standard. Finding that space between mentally battering yourself for mistakes, or always making excuses.


Who do you believe you love and honor the most in your life? Ask yourself; is it “prem?” The love of the Divine, with no caveats, no contracts? And then, you must turn the question around and look at yourself. Do you treat yourself as well as you treat this other person? Do you love yourself as well and as true?

Be willing to see the truth within yourself and recognize that no matter how many love relationships you have experienced, no matter how connected to yourself you thought you were -- you may only be at the beginning of your journey to discovering real love.

Shanti,

Jill

Timing

I am certain you have heard the expression, “timing is everything.” Well; it sorta is.

You could work very hard to till the soil; amend it with compost; erect a sturdy fence; etc., etc.; but if you plant your tomatoes here in Roanoke in November, you will not be harvesting come February; they are going to die. Do the same thing in May, and by August you will find your tomato bliss.

The only difference? Timing.

Today, Wednesday, February 2, is a New Moon (in Aquarius). The most auspicious time for starting anything; for creating. Whether it is planting a new thought, a new venture; or simply hitting your personal “reset” button.

And as the dark Moon slowly grows with each passing day, what we have seeded; in our consciousness, in our lives, comes to fruition at the Full Moon. Maybe not completion, though in some cases, yes. Look to the symbols that will develop around that Full Moon (Friday, February 18, as the Sun moves into Pisces) to see what you have planted.

And, again – remember. As Goswami Kriyananda reminds us, this is the Garden of God. Whatsoever we sow is what we reap. If you don’t like what you have been harvesting lately, don’t curse the bounty. Whatever it is, you earned it, be it positive or negative from your point of view.

If you wish to receive something different, you must begin at the planting stage; remembering to nurture and feed that which you wish to grow.

Still not sure what to plant? Maybe you want THIS or maybe you want THAT? Stop flipping through the seed catalogs and looking at the pretty pictures; turn your attention inward; and discern: what do I REALLY want to do; to create?

Look at the world around you; look at the world at large; things are getting crazy, and will get crazier; find your inner peace, your inner balance, your inner strength NOW.

Turn, Turn, Turn
[words-adapted from The Bible, book of Ecclesiastes
music-Pete Seeger]

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Wake Me Up

If you’ve made it to one of my Hatha 2 classes in the past few months, you have probably heard the song “Bring Me to Life” by Evanesence.

Ahhh, love to rock out in a yoga class.

But, seriously; it is so important that we all wake up, and soon.

Part of this cycle is to rip away our delusions; to peek behind the proverbial curtains and figure out who all the (allegedly) great and powerful Oz’s REALLY are. If you read the paper, you can see it coming on a large scale.

The question is, can you see it in your life? Are you awake?

Can you take full responsibility for who you are, and where you are in life? Whatever it is that is happening to you, the people around you; you’ve brought them into your circle. Why?

Wake Up.

Can you look at the cycles of your life; the continual issues that follow you around from job to job, from relationship to relationship? Do you understand why they keep reoccurring? Or are you always blaming other people?

Wake Up.

How many systems are you utterly dependent upon? It can boggle the mind to think how dependent we are on banks, electricity, gas and oil; on 1-2 gigantic food producers. The massive, flawed heath care system. What would happen if we even had 1 week without one of those systems functioning?

Wake Up.

During the coming cycle, things will change so quickly and so dramatically; how entrenched are you in your ways of thinking? How rigid in your mind, in your habits? How attached to your labels and identities?

Wake Up.

Do you have healthy ways of coping with change; with stress; with the huge shifts that are coming? Or is your answer to numb yourself in the countless ways our society provides?

The choice is to either wake up NOW, prepare, ponder; or wait for the alarm to go off. What are you choosing?

Shanti,

Jill

Tips for Taking a Yoga Class

Last month I gave the “Beginner’s Yoga Pep Talk” as a way to answer some basic questions. This month, I’m offering suggestions to improve your class experience; and, tell you a few things that your yoga teacher (well, I guess I can’t speak for everyone); what I would want you to know about coming to class.

Let’s start with clothing. Wear something snug fitting, so that your instructor can see your body. We need to see what your joints are doing so you don’t get hurt. Some instructors (the teacher who trained me, for example), insist on students wearing shorts and tank tops to see the knees and shoulders. I don’t have that rule, simply because I am personally not evolved enough to like my thighs

Another reason to wear something snug is so that when you bend forward, you don’t get a face full of t-shirt; you can’t see what you’re doing, and you’ll spend all your time tugging it down.

Try to arrive to class on time. But, at the same time, don’t hesitate to walk in late. We’re located downtown; parking can be an issue. But realize that you’ll miss the essential centering and warm-up period of class. If you do come late, please enter quietly; spend a few moments getting yourself together; do a few gentle poses (maybe cow/cat, or several sun salutes) before joining the group.

That said, if you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, you might want to wait until the next class.

PLEASE tell your instructor if you have had any recent surgery (like, last five years), if you are pregnant, or if a medical doctor has ever told you NOT to do something. It makes my head explode when I look at an intake form that indicates no medical problems, and then after class the student says “oh, yeah, when I had that knee replacement last year . . . .” Eek.

You can get seriously injured doing yoga, and no instructor wants that to happen during their watch. Tell us the truth; and be able to tell us the limitations that your medical doctor has imposed.

Realize that if your instructor is correcting you, either verbally or by touch, it’s not because you’re not good at yoga; we’re trying to help you. If you don’t want us to touch you, you need to tell us. Because we kinda think that’s our job, but truly, we don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.

Do your best not to look around the room at other students. Sometimes it is necessary, to figure out what the pose is if you didn’t understand the instructions; or maybe you dropped off into your happy place and are mentally rejoining the class. Sometimes you will just watch when more advanced students are doing something you aspire to do. But, please don’t compare yourself to other people, or judge them. Yoga class MUST be a safe place, and it is my job to make it so.

Another thing is to honor the body; don’t over-do your practice, don’t over-do your breath. If you need to rest; go to child’s pose. If you need to go to the bathroom, then go to the bathroom. Especially before the final relaxation. We’ve worked very hard to get you into this state of peace and balance. We want you to enjoy the savasana, not lay there thinking “need to pee . . . really need to pee . . . .”

Another word about savasana; please allow us to bring you whatever you need to become comfortable. Take that extra moment to get a blanket for your feet, to place a bolster under your knees. In our culture, you have been taught that just laying around for five minutes is a waste of time. It is our job to teach you that that is not true. This short period of time is absolutely vital to your practice, and is one of the most important things you will do in a day. That may not be your initial experience; but trust me on this one.

After class -- if you have used one of the communal mats -- if you were sweaty or feel like you might have some unfortunate germs to share, please use the mat cleaner and paper towels in the cabinet and clean your mat. We wash them, but certainly not after every class; it’s a classic “do unto others” thing.

If you enjoyed the class, tell your instructor. If there was something that bothered you, tell them that also. Not feeling up to a bit of face-to-face truth telling? Then email the Studio owner, or leave a note; at Uttara, we have a comment box near the coat rack. Help us to become better teachers, and better people.

And, finally, practice. You give no greater gift to your instructor than to take the teachings into your life; nothing makes my heart sing like knowing a student has developed a home practice. Knowing they’ve begun to volunteer somewhere, or used the teachings to improve their everyday life. That’s what it’s all about.

I serve you, and in doing so, you give a gift to me. And back, and forth; again, and again.

It’s a dance of giving, and receiving; of uniting. Of recognizing that you, and me; we're connected. It is, yoga.

Shanti,

Jill

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Sorry so few blogs this month friends. In an interesting turn of events, the motherboard in my computer crashed after writing the blog about Mercury retrograde.

Really.

So, a little catch up time -- how was your Winter Solstice? Full lunar eclipse that day. Look back to the symbols, day before, day of and day after.

How were your holidays – and how did you do with the karma? Family and otherwise? I hope you were patient with yourself (and everyone else) and became aware of some long-term patterns.

Next up, a partial solar eclipse, along with some other interesting planetary action, on January 4, 2011. Another big day to observe with wisdom the symbols in your life and in the world around you.

And, right in the middle, the calendar New Year, January 1. Ahhhh, time for that annual tradition (which I hope is not drinking your weight in champagne). Resolutions.

Or, in yogic terms, maha tarka. Maha=great. Tarka=review.

Because though you don’t want to spend your life looking backward, you must see what has transpired in order to manifest the future with wisdom and insight. Take some time to peruse your 2010 journal, if you keep one, or your calendar before we begin. Light a candle. Take a couple deep, centering breaths. Have your paper and pen ready, because I have some questions for you.

1. How was your relationship with yourself this year? Are you pleased with your personality? Are you the person you have dreamed of being? Are you the person you think you are?

2. How is your relationship with money this year? How about with anything you value; your possessions? And what about that ultimate possession, your memory track?

3. How well did you communicate this year; with yourself, with others? How is your relationship with your siblings?

4. How was your relationship with your Mother this year? And how about your home life? Did you create a stable, comfortable, safe place to retreat to daily?

5. Did you have fun this year? Have you carved out a portion of your life for pleasure, joy, and creativity? Speaking of creations – how is your relationship with your children?

6. How’s your job? You know, whatever it is that you do that pays the bills. How about your service to others – or do you serve others at all?

7. Let’s talk about your relationship – with your partner, spouse, lover, or whatever moniker you assign to that special person. How’s it going? Not a list of their foibles and problems – you. How did you feed and grow the relationship?

8. Did you spend any time investigating the occult? (meaning that which is hidden); how are the deepest places within you shifting and transforming? How’s your sex life? (Yes, I said, sex life.) And, did anyone around you transition out of this place – did you resolve any issues you might have had with them?

9. How did your spiritual journey progress this year? Did you make time and space to grow and learn and challenge yourself to expand the parameters of your mind and spirit to encompass this beautiful planet, and the Universe you reside in? School and church fall in this category.

10. How’s your relationship with your Father and/or other authority figures in your life? And also with your greater work in this world? There’s the job that pays the bills, and then there’s that something that you alone bring to this world; are you sharing it? Nurturing it? Bringing it?

11. How is your relationship with your friends? With groups of people that you spend time with or are involved with?

12. Finally, the areas of your life that are hidden; were you able to tap into your deepest reserves of strength, or did you tend to wallow in those ways of being that lead to your own self-destruction?

These 12 areas of life correspond to the 12 houses in astrology. They tell you where in your life things are going along smoothly . . . as well as where they’re not flowing harmoniously. Hopefully by looking at your answers, this will give you a little insight as to the areas of your life where you need to work a little harder; be a little more self-aware; or, perhaps, change the way you live.
And then, create your resolutions.

Start at the root of the problem. You cannot just say “I want to improve my relationship.” You need to resolve to change your behavior in the relationship; perhaps resolve to take a breath and ask yourself if what you are about to say to that person is kind and true. Maybe the person in relationship with you doesn’t feel loved because you are offering love in the way that you would like to receive it, instead of looking at them and realizing what would make them feel more loved, more cared for.

If you decide to lose weight for the new year, don’t resolve “I will lose weight.” Resolve to walk more and sit less; resolve to eat healthier foods and drink more water; resolve to see your body as a temple and treat it accordingly. Those are the kinds of resolutions that get results.

I wish you a 2011 filled with love and peace. I wish for you the self-awareness to navigate the karma with wisdom. This year is not going to be an easy one; but we will all learn a lot, and grow in ways we cannot even imagine today.

Shanti,

Jill

Mercury Retrograde

Alright, darlings; buckle your seatbelts; Mercury goes retrograde tomorrow (Friday, December 10).

Pooh-pooh me all you want; that’s my karmic payback for my pooh-poohing astrology for years and years. But I’m telling you; it’s going to be an interesting month.

Things have already been rocking a little bit – noticed some computer issues since about December 1? Funky issues with your car, or electronics? Problems with communication in general?

If not, then lucky you. You just keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing, and ignore me. This blog is for the rest of us.

Planning to buy a tv or some other technology item as a holiday gift this month? Um, don’t. Get them a gift certificate and they can go get it in January. It will have some kind of problem, break, or be totally out-of-date in no time. Seriously.

And while you’re at it, practice your relaxing, calm-yourself-down breath. Because Mars is being activated this month. Perhaps you’ve noticed people being a little grumpier? Yep, it’s not just because they weren’t in line early enough to get that $199.99 television at Wal-Mart. It’s the Mars (and the Pluto, but let’s not get too deep here). This will help give us all a little energetic push to get things accomplished, but don’t allow it to drag you into being less than the kind, generous person we all know you are.

Dates to watch this month include December 13-14, as well as the upcoming Winter Solstice on December 21. That day is also a full lunar eclipse, very big energy. Examine the symbols in your life and in the world at large a day before and after each of these days; don’t wait for December 31 to ponder where your life is heading.

And for heaven’s sake, have your happy plan in place. It’s COLD; it’s DARK; it’s the holidays. You need to do the things that keep you grounded and happy. Whether that’s eating only warm foods and getting to bed early (um, no, 11:00 pm is NOT early); scheduling a massage; saying NO to that holiday party that you really don’t enjoy, or finding a fantastic book and diving in. Whatever it is that keeps you sane, put it on your calendar and make it work.

Hanging out with fun people helps, too, so I hope you’ll join us for the Uttara Yoga Solstice Celebration at the Studio on Saturday, December 18. We’ll do a kirtan (call and response chanting, you can just listen if you like) and a brief ritual with prayer and meditation. Afterward we’ll have a veggie potluck starting around 6:30 pm. I hope you will join us for one or both.

Whether your tradition this time of year is to celebrate the return of the Sun OR the return of the Son, honor the cycles of life, honor the people around you; and, honor yourself.

Shanti,

Jill

Attachment (again)

If you’ve read some of my previous blogs you know that I’ve got a thing for Star Wars. Recently we were watching the third movie, and Yoda was being his brilliant, yogic self. He says to Anakin, “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” I always point that line out to the children, and so my son, he offered to write it down for me to remember. Careful, small letters in red Sharpie on a bright slip of orange paper, with his unique seven-year-old writing (and spelling). It is taped to the cover of my laptop.

I tend to think that I have made at least a sliver of progress in the area of attachment. This week, I realized I am back to square one. Or about thirty feet behind it.

Our dear Sasha, sweet gray princess kitty, died. Or actually, I told the vet to give her medicine to make her die. We call it “putting to sleep” which is a total cop-out.

She had been getting thinner, not eating much. Still purring like a fuzzy freight train, and enjoying spending the nights (cold nights!) out exploring. That day, she was a little more hesitant in her movements; her breathing became very labored, so I took her to the vet. I was not prepared to be told she would go into cardiac arrest at any moment. That this was the end, or near it.

I asked, can I take her home to the children? One last cuddle? No, the vet said it was not wise – cardiac arrest could happen at any moment. For me to choose for the children to see her suffer; to choose to have her suffer that pain and confusion; and how long would it last??? It seemed the wrong thing to do to just wait and let it happen. He asked if I needed to call anyone. I said no. What is there to discuss? You consult the expert, and you make your decision. I knew my husband would tell me to do what I thought was right.

So I hope that I made the correct choice, but I suppose I will always feel the tug of conflict. Wouldn’t we all choose that last chance to walk outside, to look up to the sky, to be with our loved ones when that time of ending comes?

Maybe that is part of what draws us back here to incarnate again, and again, and again.

Later that evening, I complained of a headache. My son offered a kiss to the forehead, which helped a lot. “So,” he said, “Sasha’s gone. I mean, her body is still here on the Earth, but her spirit is not.” Ah, yes, sweet boy. Remind me of this great truth that is so easy to speak and sometimes so hard to understand.


Goodbye, dear Sasha-belle. Great yogi-cat-teacher who showed me how to live a life of work balanced with play; how to find the best, sunny soft spots to lounge; and to relax like you mean it. How to be unflinchingly yourself, and embrace your inner wandering-wild-outdoor-nature-loving-independent-but-living-with-others self. How to find fun in simple things, like tail chasing. Not to complain or whine (well, maybe if breakfast is late), and to love love love love without expectation or restriction.

In her final breaths, as I cried and cried and cried, and wished in my deepest darkest places that this would not happen, she taught me that I am still very much attached. To her, to my family, to my friends, to everything.

Much work left to do.

Shanti,

Jill

Beginner's Yoga Pep Talk

Well, hello there. So, you’re thinking about taking a yoga class? You’ve heard it’s good for you. And out of all the things that you’ve heard of lately that are good for you (like fish oil, ewwww), yoga sounds somewhat appealing. You think, well, yes, it might help my body. I could be a little more flexible; maybe work toward a stronger core, build some upper body strength. Learn to relax my mind, handle stress a little better. Learn a little about proper breathing.

So you’ve probably visited the website once or twice . . . okay, 25 times, and you’ve looked at the schedule. What does “hatha” mean? And how “beginners” is Beginners Yoga? Are there men in classes at Uttara? And, um what do they wear?

What happens if I plant my mat down next to some spandex-clad rubberband wondergirl, and I can’t do what her 20-years-younger-than-me body can do, and then I just want to go home and sit on the couch?

Ahhhhhh. It takes some guts to show up for that first class, it’s true. And you also have to find (um, actually MAKE) the time to do it. That alone can be so difficult.

Some answers to the above questions: first, hatha (correctly pronounced “hah-ta”) means the “sun” and the “moon” – the “ha” and the “ta” – it is a style of yoga that is balancing, but also forceful. And beginner’s yoga can be for someone with absolutely no yoga experience on up to experienced yogis looking for a more relaxed class, or to perfect their practice.

Remember that any pose can be adapted to suit any body; just be patient, use the props your instructor offers you, remember that it is a PRACTICE, and go from there.

Yes, there are lots of men who practice at Uttara; some are beginners, some in between, and we have a dedicated few that have been coming consistently since we opened (and have progressed beautifully, and you know who you are!). And guys generally wear shorts and a t-shirt that is either snug, or can be tucked in (to avoid wardrobe malfunctions whilst going upside down.) Click on the Facebook link from our Home Page to see some photos from actual classes and maybe that will help you to see what people wear to class.

If you DO happen to end up next to Little Miss Spandex, keep in mind that she’s just doing what her body can do; be inspired if you glance her way. You are supposed to be paying attention to your own body and your own practice. Learn to stop judging yourself (and her, and everyone else in your life, for that matter).

It’s all part of the practice. Because, you see, what you learn on your mat – about your body, about your mind, you take out into the world. However it is you practice, is also usually how your live your life.

What else would I want every beginner to know about yoga and about Uttara?



First, that we are a welcoming place. The vibe is not competitive at all. Each student is encouraged to work at their own pace, and not push beyond their own limits.

The classes are TAUGHT, they are not just led. It is not just an instructor, up there on their mat, doing their practice while you try like crazy to keep up. You are instructed in the poses; you can ask questions; the teachers come around and make adjustments and assist you in the poses. And if you don’t want us to touch you, please just tell us and we’ll leave you alone! I remember being a beginner and not wanting anyone near me. I thought negative things about my body, and assumed everyone who looked at me thought the same awful things, somehow proximity made it worse.

One of the hallmarks of an advanced student is that they usually loved to be mashed on by the instructor, but it takes time to build that relationship (with yourself and the instructor) and to feel comfortable in your own skin. We understand this, just speak your truth.

Now, just because we want you to respect your own limits doesn’t mean we won’t push you. Not all yoga is easy-breezy mild stretching and breathing. My personal taste runs to butt-kicking, music-blasting yoga. I like to work you hard, get you warm, and then wrap it up with deep, longer-hold postures. And I mostly offer 1 hour classes because that’s what I can squeeze into my life when I practice. But that’s just my personal style. You have to try different classes, different styles of yoga, different instructors. A hatha class with one instructor might be quite different with another.

Just, whatever you do, don’t just keep thinking about it. Actually go to a class. If the classes at Uttara don’t fit your schedule, try another Studio; get a video; get a book. Schedule a private. Get together with a friend.

And, please -- stop thinking that you’ll do yoga later, when you have time, when things “calm down” -- because that is not going to happen; you won’t ever HAVE the time, you have to MAKE it. You’re not going to magically get stronger, more flexible, more serene, more focused -- unless you PRACTICE.

Quit making excuses, be truthful with yourself, and get past your fear.

You will be so glad when you do.

I’ll see YOU, in class.

Shanti,

Jill

Bethany Hall

There probably would be no Uttara Yoga Studio if there wasn’t Bethany Hall.

True statement.

When I took my yoga teacher training I had no intention to teach adults or to do anything so bold as open a studio; my concept was to bring yoga to the schools and to children.

Keep this in mind if you sign up for a yoga teacher training and you think you have a "plan" -- your whole way of living and being in this world is going to change. Guaranteed.

In our training we were assigned Personal Reflection Questions; they were questions designed for self-exploration and understanding. It was optional to share them with our Program Advisor. I always shared mine, because she really "heard" me and always offered helpful comments and suggestions.

One of our assignments was to meditate on a group who might need our help. I did the meditation, and Bethany Hall popped into my mind. Which was a bit odd. I knew that there was this house next door to our church called Bethany Hall; and that only women lived there; and that they were in some kind of therapy or something related to addiction. That they occasionally helped out at the church with cleaning and other duties, and often kept our children in the nursery on holidays. The women were always kind and polite; just average people, like me. Looking back, I’m embarrassed to admit that after years of attending our church, I really had only the most remote idea of what was happening next door.

So, when I answered the question, I wrote that the women of Bethany Hall came into my meditation, and that once I was certified and a “real” yoga teacher, perhaps I might offer them a class.

My advisor, in her infinite wisdom, noted in the margins: "Why wait? If you wish to be taught, you must teach.”

Well, that sucked the wind right out of my sails; I mean, seriously, it was just a short meditation, right? What was I supposed to do, just call them up and say “Hey, um, I’m not really a yoga teacher yet, but I’d like to teach you yoga.” And what about mats? And what would they wear? And a place to do the class? And music? And . . . and . . . and . . . .

It was a time to either show up or shut up. So I called the main number. Was referred a nurse, who was open to alternative therapies. And, low and behold, she said “Sure – that would be great. We already have mats, someone volunteered a couple years back to teach yoga classes. When do you want to start?”

I contacted the church, who graciously allowed us to use their basement; ordered some blocks; collected my husband’s old neckties to use as straps, and we began.

I will never forget the start of that first class. I carefully arranged the small room that has windows, setting up a small altar; had my class all planned, mats laid out; we would do most poses at the wall, which is great for beginners.

For whatever reason, perhaps the size of the house, I expected a handful of women. As they began to file in, I began to count. I believe there were 14 women. Some were pregnant. They didn’t exactly looked thrilled to be there, and a small scream of panic rose up in me. What about my careful plan? No way I could teach that planned class to pregnant women. And we couldn't do the class at the wall! What about the beautifully arranged room?

We quickly relocated to the large, dark, windowless space in the other part of the church. All my planning, poof. That’s when my memory stops. I have no idea what I taught, how I taught it, or how it went. When grace flows through you, it's like that. All I know is that when I got them all settled down for savasana, the deepest feeling of peace and love and service fell over me like a blanket.

Week after week, we met in the church basement (we still do!), and week by week I realized how much I loved teaching them, and how much it made me grow. These women come from different backgrounds, different cultures, but something has brought us all together for healing. That great cosmic truth has been proven to me -- when you give, you receive even more in return.

That was where the seed was planted to open a studio; to create a beautiful, holy space; a place where people with children were welcomed; a place that provided mats and props and blankets; a place where you could come as you are and feel utterly and completely accepted.

I hope that Uttara is that place for you, as it is for me.

And now, it is time for me to return the favor to Bethany Hall. Their budget has been slashed by the Commonwealth of Virginia; giving is dropping off, and they are at a critical point. They are the only addiction program in this entire state that allows pregnant women and women with children to come into the program. It is unique, it is vital, and it has a proven record of helping women fight the curse of addiction and return to society as productive people, as loving mothers, as providers for their families.

It is coming up on the end of year, when many people plan their giving. I know money is tight for most people. It does not have to be a big check; little donations can make a big difference.

Can you help? Please mail checks to Bethany Hall, 1109 Franklin Road, Roanoke, VA 24016; all donations are tax deductible.

Can’t donate? Then pray; please.

Thank you.

Jill



http://bethanyhall.org/

Sound of Silence

My life is very noisy. What about you?

Even in the stillness of a recent evening on the porch, you can hear distant traffic; the rumble of a train or jet, the hum of heat pumps. Even natural sounds, like crickets and birds, rustling leaves, dropping acorns.

I’m a little more aware of silence lately, because the ipod player for my car broke. It is so interesting how you get in the habitual pattern of getting into the car, and immediately turning on some noise; music, radio chatter, an educational cd, whatever.

It has been interesting to become aware of the relative silence in the car, and how soothing it can be.

Oh, yes, there is noise. Sometimes the thump-thump-thump from the car behind me can literally be felt before it can be heard. The car itself makes noise, the traffic, there are lots of sounds. But yet, there is still a peaceful stillness that comes from not contributing to the cacophony.

Reminds me of this past Winter, going to a friend’s house for tea. It had recently snowed (a LOT), and the ground was well covered with the white stuff. We pulled up in front of her home to see a whole group of children sledding. Without even opening the car door, you could hear music blasting. Either a child or a parent had deemed it necessary to play music on the front porch of the home where they were sledding, and wow, it was loud.

And it was sad. I have such lovely memories of the sweet crunch of boots upon fresh snow. The deep hush that envelops the world when layers of icy flakes dampen down the harsh sounds of winter. The sound of snow pants swishing against each other. Children playing, laughing, the awareness of the sound of breath amplified by the visible exhalation.

I have such lovely memories of those sounds and experiences; these kids, I’m thinking that when it snows and they are adults, their memories will conjure up some Lady Gaga song.

I wonder, what does silence really sound like?

Even in meditation, with the senses turned inward, the outer world (hopefully!) falling away, sinking into the rhythm of your breath, there are sounds. My Guru calls it the “thundering silence.” I’ve gotten glimpses of it, but have yet to be able to rest for extended periods in that deepening stillness. It is a practice, I remind myself.

If this weekend you can carve out a few moments for yourself, try to spend them in silence.

Enjoy it while you can. The leaf blowers are coming.

Shanti,

Jill

On Kindness

I have been thinking a lot about kindness lately. Because it really seems that everyone is dividing into factions of dislike, distrust, and just plain dissin’.

As you move through life: how are you treating the people you don’t know?

It makes me think of earlier in the year, when I went to shop at an upscale department store; I had a gift card from Christmas. I picked out some really pretty pajamas, a gift for my mother-in-law, and a couple things for my daughters. It ended up being a pretty good pile of things. As I was being checked out, a line formed behind me. So I began taking the clothes off the hangers, folding them, and making sure the tags were facing up so the clerk could easily scan them. Another person came to help check people out, and everyone was taken care of. As we finished the transaction, the clerk leaned across the counter. “Thank you so much,” she whispered under her breath, “This is the first time since I began working here that anyone has ever helped me, and it means so much to me.” Wow. I was shocked.

This reminded me of my Guru telling us that to serve means to treat everyone like you would treat your guru, or your lover, or your own child.

So I am wondering if sometimes we are only kind to people we know, or when we feel that our kindness will return to us some benefit. Kind of like only donating to charity for the tax write off.

Intention is everything, and it is between you and the Mother-Father God to determine whether you do things out of a genuine kindness, or just to get your name in the paper. Gifts of money or time can accomplish great things, indeed, but I wonder if an accumulation of spiritual merit comes mostly from what you do when no one is looking.

Do you walk the way of kindness?

I have spent many years bumbling through life; worried only about myself and what was happening in MY life, to MY family, MY friends. Maybe it was the blinders of youth, or if I was comfortably oblivious; I know other times I willfully ignored those around me who struggled or were suffering.

Getting older has made me more aware of how important it is to walk through life as softly as you can; how important it is to choose to smile, instead of getting stuck in the dark places that my mind can create.

There is great joy in little kindnesses. Opening doors for strangers. Telling the hotel maid that she did a great job on your room. Letting someone pull out in front of your car. Taking a moment to admire someone’s adorable dog.

While you are practicing this art of kindness, there’s another aspect to it -- (here’s the kicker); you cannot judge those people who are not moving through the world mindfully. Particularly because, you’ve been one of them, at one point or another.

It simply takes a moment of thought -- When someone cuts you off on the highway, think that maybe they are hurrying to the hospital to see a loved one. When a forgetful someone makes a mistake, ponder that they may be mourning a loss, nursing a headache or heartache, or have recently buried a child.

We all rationalize our own behavior, cutting ourselves serious slack that we would never offer up to our fellow beings – particularly to people who make different choices, live different lifestyles, or have a different color skin or language

The old adage of “walk a mile in another’s moccasins” still rings true.

Go back through your day today, starting from the minute your eyes opened to now. Imagine for a moment that you will only receive back to you the kindness you gave away. How did you do?

Remember to act as if the quality of the rest of your life depends upon it. Because, it does.

Shanti,

Jill

Re-Marriage

This Summer I received a Facebook post from an acquaintance – “What would you change about your wedding day?” Her question was aimed toward the ceremony; the DAY; the party (she is an event planner).

It made me smile, because, really –

Um, who cares?

I have no intention to diminish the linking of souls that the ceremony and ritual of marriage creates; but seriously, the party? Does anyone past the third year of marriage spend even five minutes contemplating how they would do the party differently?

Well – okay, yes; I’ll admit. Sometimes I wonder why we spent so much money on the wedding; why I worried about the food and the drink and the band and the dresses and, and, and . . . .

Things like arriving in a limousine, instead of just showing up in our car. It is fascinating to observe yourself become engulfed by the whirlwind of expectation.

Martha Stewart exerted an inordinate amount of control over my life during that period.

I must admit, I didn’t have the awareness to realize this until much later.
So, what would I do different?

Well, I would have spent less on the wedding and more on our house and wedding trip; I would not have registered for china or silver or whatever wacky things that seemed so critical at that moment. (Sad, but true, we almost never use the china because it cannot go through the dishwasher, and I’m much too lazy to polish silver. Ahhh, reality.)

I would have spent more time meeting with our priest, even though our pre-wedding sessions with her were only “required” because I had been divorced. Those were beautiful, critical, enlightening moments. As I look back, I realize how important it was to have someone there to independently observe and bridge the communication gaps.

I would not have hurried so much to schedule a date, though I realize why I did; I was terrified he would change his mind; and I loved (and love) him so much; it was an empty place in my soul, and I needed his commitment in front of God and everyone to feel whole.

It is good now to realize that I feel whole within myself; but truly, that growth could not have occurred without his constant, consistent support and love.

He has taught me that washing dishes, and bringing someone a cup of morning coffee, and being patient; these things demonstrate love.

That it is not the dramatic gesture; not jewelry or fancy gifts; though they are appreciated; it is the everyday kindness, caring and support that build a life together.

You have your children, and you love and adore your children; but their job is to leave you; and so they shall. But when you create a love relationship, a partnership; a marriage; as your creations prepare to depart, you still (hopefully) have one another.

I read once that any good marriage is actually a series of re-marriages. That every couple years, you grow, you change; you separate in certain ways. And that to keep your relationship together, to keep the love; you have to renegotiate the terms.

You grow, you shift; and you come back together and say “well, here is who I am, and where I am; where are you?” You work out new ground rules, new ways of being and loving. You re-marry. Or else; you don’t.

We all know what happens when you don’t.

Sometimes the disintegration is slow, methodical; sometimes, you go along in blissful ignorance, and something blows you apart. Either way; you’re done. There’s nothing there; no ties that bind, that connect; that wish to receive each other.

Would you choose to wander back through time and change anything about your wedding day? Maybe change photographers, update your hairstyle, or serve different food?

What about your relationship, right now; is there anything you would change? Any outdated patterns or ways of thinking – not just in your partner, but yourself? Do you even know the new person who your spouse or partner has become through the years? Do you know yourself?

Might be time to “re-marry.”

Shanti,

Jill