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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Choose a Vibration

I am a Kriya yogi.  The lineage that speaks to me begins with Shri Babaji.  Some of the most important angels, guides and teachers in my life spring from this precious and ancient lineage.

So, let me tell you some truth.  My Seventh House (astrology term) has been getting a little messy.  Let me back up.  That means the area of my life that involves important relationship.  It involves lovers, marriage partners, business partners, open enemies, combatants, contestants. 
Interesting little mix, eh?
I placed my primary teacher in this house; could probably place him in a number of houses.  Second House of values?  Yes.  Fourth House of emotional home?  Yep, wedge him in that too.  Sixth House of service?  Sure.  Eighth House and the search for the mystical?  Of course!  Tenth House and the Father and Dharma.  Hmmmmm, yeah.  Twelfth House, hidden things.  Sure, stick that in there too.
Clearly, I am NOT clear on this.
Our relationship has been shifting; I am (relatively-sorta-kinda-maybe) understanding where I am with regards to things.  Maybe.
And I have been addressing this issue the exact same way that I have been addressing the mountain of laundry that has been sitting in my living room for a . . . let’s say a week.  (Generously; let’s say a week).
I cast it furtive glances when I come in the door; I occasionally move it to other rooms of the house; sometimes I grab a couple small things and deal with them; and when I begin to tackle it in earnest something always ALWAYS draws me away.
A little gasp of surprise always greets me when I realize that I have not yet dealt with it, and the occasional emergency makes me dig through it.

So, into this space, this information arrives.  Last week I am teaching my normal Saturday classes.  During the 9:30 am Hatha 2, I always begin by chanting the Kriya Invocation of Goodness.  It is a beautiful chant; lovely to see, lovely to hear, lovely to vibrate.  I have been hearing it ever since I began my yoga teacher training; through my Kriya training in various courses; it is the sustaining vibration that has always made me feel “plugged in” to the energy of my lineage.

Yogic lineage is like family . . . only, deeper.  We can acknowledge to each other the many lifetimes together; we can search back for just a feeling of being together and not actual memory.  Lineage has been my rock; coming to me in prayer; in meditation; in the dream state.  Saviors and spirit guides; energies that love me true and love me well.

It has also been real life, Earth plane friendship.  My sisters and brothers in spirit are like no other relationship. 
It is intense and beautiful and humbling and connecting and fills up a hole in my soul that ached for them without even knowing they could exist.
Oh – yes – back to my Saturday class.  I wrap up the class, and a student approaches.  She is a wonderful “new-ish” student to me; who lived all her life in India and only recently moved to our tiny town.  And yet, her first yoga classes were here, at Uttara in Roanoke, Virginia; it has always felt like a lesson and a gift to have her and her husband coming here. 
She hands me the chant sheet, and instructs me on the Sanskrit; it is “SarVEshaam, not SarveSHAAM” she instructs.  I am busy looking around the room to check on students post-class, to answer questions; distracted; I gather my thoughts because I know, this conversation matters. 

She continues to try to instruct my English-oriented brain to the true Sanskrit pronunciation.  I try to  None of it goes too well, and throughout the week I wish I could call her and try to explain my crazy mix of gratefulness and confusion.

In the following week I practice it her way.  Remembering instances where we have discussed in the lineage how to follow the vibration the group brings up together; even a mispronunciation, if it originates with the Guru, binds us together in that the vibration is the same.
Do I stay “home” and do it the way I now know is improper; do I leave “home” and try to shift the vibration back to the original intent?  I practice throughout the week, and, Goddess knows, it’s hard to change.
Today’s class; I announce the shift; I have to look at the chant sheet CHEAT sheet that I pass out in class, because with the simple shift in pronunciation, the words flee my brain.
It felt good; it felt right.
It wasn’t easy.
Tonight I listen to a beautiful CD that I have had for a while; it chants to “Sani” which is the planet Saturn; I was taught to say it “son-y” and on the CD it is pronounced “shan-y.”  Another lesson; another change.

Another opportunity to decide what is right for me.
Who DO I follow; who DO I trust?  And can I change mid-course?
I am a Kriya yogi.  The lineage that speaks to me begins with Shri Babaji.  Some of the most important angels guides and teachers in my life spring from this precious and ancient lineage.
I pray I am making wise choices. 
Prem (Divine love with NO opposite),

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Vanishing Summer

Oh my goodness . . . where is it going?  
I know that I am getting older; that time seems to move faster as we get older. 
Except for the fact that I talk to my kids about it and they ALSO agree that time is flying.
Let me tell you; time did NOT fly when I was their tender age.  I will never forget the amazing sense of freedom walking out onto the little cement stoop in front of our home and tying my little tennis shoes and realizing I had the whole unplanned day before me!  Breeze in my hair, breakfast in my belly – I was OFF! 

Guess maybe I’ve been looking for that feeling ever since and have yet to recapture it.  I know now I cannot in this lifetime.  Though, I have tried to recapture it for my babes; to give them that sense of openness, and freedom and adventure.

And in that assignment, let’s be generous and give me a D+.  Not only because they are different people than me, but it is an entirely different world.  Hell, it’s an entirely different world than when I CONCEIVED these tiny beings.
Even though we really do resist electronics (my children are 14, 12 and 9 and I have not yet given into getting them a cellphone -- though, fyi all you mammas out there – an ipod touch is about the same thing),.  Even though our tv time is monitored (though I ponder daily canceling our cable – you get an hour of tv and you watched Cupcake Wars?  Seriously???).

Even though we resist these ways of checking out, of stepping off, my small family still cannot seem to find the slow, deep natural heartbeat that belongs to Mamma Earth.
So I dig around for understanding -- this Summer has been seriously vanishing; is it the fact I moved my business the beginning of May?  My divorce and all that change?  The fact that one is moving into high school next year (DID YOU HEAR THAT . . . HIGH SCHOOL . . . . ).
We never even got around to making our annual Summer 100 list; about the second week of June we talked about trying to do a Summer 50 list; at this point, the whole Summer is booked; seriously, stacked out. 
Part of it is the early school start (August 20!); but part of it is the cycle.
An enormous amount of change is in the air; can you feel it?  I’ve been talking about it for years.
Please re-read these blogs; they may help you through the cycle.
In the meantime – make yourself put everything down tonight and go watch the fireflies.  Turn off the tv and play a game of chess with your beloved.  Build a fire and roast some marshmallows.

This IS the calm before the storm (unless you live in Colorado); breathe . . . .

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