It’s really not terrible; a blessing in sooooooo many ways. I cannot imagine getting this place ready to sell. The painting and fixing and (sheeeesh) cleaning.
And I cannot afford to keep it or maintain it.
The kids will keep their rooms and the stability of their family home when they are with their Dad.
But now, I’ve gotta find a place; create a home; and say goodbye to the dream that was this marriage and this structure.
I really loved this house. Well – actually, the outside is NOT attractive. It has big, ridiculous columns on the front porch; so ostentatious and out of place (in my view) from the curb. But the porch, actually, is quite cozy and lovely; and the view is stunning. A huge front yard for the children to romp; an equally long driveway for cycling and scooters. Many beautiful, large oak trees – and my favorite, Mother Oak, perched in the center of the front yard, protecting us.
It has four bedrooms; essential in my life. My children get along beautifully . . . . except; when they don’t. And then, they DON’T get along DRAMATICALLY.
We all need our space in this family.
But the one thing I will miss the most, besides the dream of living happily-ever-after here, is my kitchen. Yep – I can say that – MYYYYYY kitchen. I picked everything in it; the tile, the floor, the cabinets, the appliances, the handles, the paint, the shelves. The curve of the counter, the placement of the windows. Myyyyyy kitchen.
Except, now it’s not.
I love to cook; to bake; to feed people. And for all my life, I have wanted a nice kitchen. You know, not Southern Living or Crate and Barrel nice – just super-functional nice. A gas stove. At least three feet of counter. A functioning dishwasher. These are really-super-awesome things to have.
And a couple years ago my dear friend and contractor, Josh Crawford who owns JC Construction, created the most amazing and beautiful and functional and fabulous kitchen ever. Here’s a picture. It is everything I ever wanted in a kitchen.
And now, it is time to say goodbye. Goodbye to the idea of comfort and stability that was that relationship. Goodbye to the comfort and stability of the place I have called home. And goodbye to this room that nourished us and nourished me.
Goodbye beautiful house, beautiful home; I know that I will find refuge elsewhere and create more beauty and more love. Dearest Goddess, allow my children -- and me -- to trust this process.