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Sunday, June 16, 2013

What are YOU waiting for?

Mother’s Day I planned myself a very nice day; arranged a bike ride at Carvin’s Cove with a dear friend; we talked more than we rode, but that was just what I needed.  The time in nature was healing;  the conversation and connection even more nourishing.

Came home and made myself a lovely brunch of poached egg on toast with salmon and herbed hollandaise; made an orange juice and Prosecco mimosa.  Yum! 
Ate it on the front porch in the sun.  Very nice.

And in the afternoon I had no expectations or desires.  So I again sat on the front porch in the sun.  And as I was sitting there, staring out into the yard for a while – loads of thoughts wandering through my mind -- my son was riding his scooter in small circles on the porch behind me.
I must have been sitting in silence for quite a while because he inquired “What are you thinking about Mommy?”  And at that moment I had been thinking of laying on a blanket and looking up at the clouds, like I used to do with the children when they were small.  And so I told him.

He began to laugh; like, really belly laugh.  I got somewhat defensive at him laughing at my idea. 
But before I could take offense he said “But, why?  Why would you ever sit there and just think about doing something that you could so easily be doing?  Why don’t you just go get a blanket and look at the clouds!”

It was such a wise and funny response; and it was so interesting to watch the thoughts pass through my mind.  How could I explain my adult mind process -- that I thought about what the neighbors would think about me laying in the front yard; about whether the kids would be too grown to look at clouds with me and think it silly; I even wondered which blanket I’d be okay with getting dirty; you know, excuses.

I wonder where else in my life I am thinking instead of doing.  Where do I need to get up and stop worrying about what someone might think or what might go wrong.  Where should I be dancing/laughing/singing/praying/moving/living/breathing and instead I'm sitting.  On the porch.  Just thinking about it. 
And somewhere, someone is laughing; because there is NOTHING keeping me from what I would truly wish to do; and sitting there, just thinking about it -- it is so, SO silly.

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