Choose a Vibration

I am a Kriya yogi.  The lineage that speaks to me begins with Shri Babaji.  Some of the most important angels, guides and teachers in my life spring from this precious and ancient lineage.

So, let me tell you some truth.  My Seventh House (astrology term) has been getting a little messy.  Let me back up.  That means the area of my life that involves important relationship.  It involves lovers, marriage partners, business partners, open enemies, combatants, contestants. 

Interesting little mix, eh?

I placed my primary teacher in this house; could probably place him in a number of houses.  Second House of values?  Yes.  Fourth House of emotional home?  Yep, wedge him in that too.  Sixth House of service?  Sure.  Eighth House and the search for the mystical?  Of course!  Tenth House and the Father and Dharma.  Hmmmmm, yeah.  Twelfth House, hidden things.  Sure, stick that in there too.

Clearly, I am NOT clear on this.

Our relationship has been shifting; I am (relatively-sorta-kinda-maybe) understanding where I am with regards to things.  Maybe.

And I have been addressing this issue the exact same way that I have been addressing the mountain of laundry that has been sitting in my living room for a . . . let’s say a week.  (Generously; let’s say a week).

I cast it furtive glances when I come in the door; I occasionally move it to other rooms of the house; sometimes I grab a couple small things and deal with them; and when I begin to tackle it in earnest something always ALWAYS draws me away.

A little gasp of surprise always greets me when I realize that I have not yet dealt with it, and the occasional emergency makes me dig through it.

So, into this space, this information arrives.  Last week I am teaching my normal Saturday classes.  During the 9:30 am Hatha 2, I always begin by chanting the Kriya Invocation of Goodness.  It is a beautiful chant; lovely to see, lovely to hear, lovely to vibrate.  I have been hearing it ever since I began my yoga teacher training; through my Kriya training in various courses; it is the sustaining vibration that has always made me feel “plugged in” to the energy of my lineage.

Yogic lineage is like family . . . only, deeper.  We can acknowledge to each other the many lifetimes together; we can search back for just a feeling of being together and not actual memory.  Lineage has been my rock; coming to me in prayer; in meditation; in the dream state.  Saviors and spirit guides; energies that love me true and love me well.

It has also been real life, Earth plane friendship.  My sisters and brothers in spirit are like no other relationship. 

It is intense and beautiful and humbling and connecting and fills up a hole in my soul that ached for them without even knowing they could exist.

Oh – yes – back to my Saturday class.  I wrap up the class, and a student approaches.  She is a wonderful “new-ish” student to me; who lived all her life in India and only recently moved to our tiny town.  And yet, her first yoga classes were here, at Uttara in Roanoke, Virginia; it has always felt like a lesson and a gift to have her and her husband coming here. 

She hands me the chant sheet, and instructs me on the Sanskrit; it is “SarVEshaam, not SarveSHAAM” she instructs.  I am busy looking around the room to check on students post-class, to answer questions; distracted; I gather my thoughts because I know, this conversation matters. 

She continues to try to instruct my English-oriented brain to the true Sanskrit pronunciation.  I try to grasp.smile.understand.focus.explain.  None of it goes too well, and throughout the week I wish I could call her and try to explain my crazy mix of gratefulness and confusion.

In the following week I practice it her way.  Remembering instances where we have discussed in the lineage how to follow the vibration the group brings up together; even a mispronunciation, if it originates with the Guru, binds us together in that the vibration is the same.

Do I stay “home” and do it the way I now know is improper; do I leave “home” and try to shift the vibration back to the original intent?  I practice throughout the week, and, Goddess knows, it’s hard to change.

Today’s class; I announce the shift; I have to look at the chant sheet CHEAT sheet that I pass out in class, because with the simple shift in pronunciation, the words flee my brain.

It felt good; it felt right.

It wasn’t easy.

Tonight I listen to a beautiful CD that I have had for a while; it chants to “Sani” which is the planet Saturn; I was taught to say it “son-y” and on the CD it is pronounced “shan-y.”  Another lesson; another change.

Another opportunity to decide what is right for me.

Who DO I follow; who DO I trust?  And can I change mid-course?

I am a Kriya yogi.  The lineage that speaks to me begins with Shri Babaji.  Some of the most important angels guides and teachers in my life spring from this precious and ancient lineage.

I pray I am making wise choices. 

Prem (Divine love with NO opposite),

Jill

Vanishing Summer

Oh my goodness . . . where is it going?  

I know that I am getting older; that time seems to move faster as we get older. 

Except for the fact that I talk to my kids about it and they ALSO agree that time is flying.

Let me tell you; time did NOT fly when I was their tender age.  I will never forget the amazing sense of freedom walking out onto the little cement stoop in front of our home and tying my little tennis shoes and realizing I had the whole unplanned day before me!  Breeze in my hair, breakfast in my belly – I was OFF! 

Guess maybe I’ve been looking for that feeling ever since and have yet to recapture it.  I know now I cannot in this lifetime.  Though, I have tried to recapture it for my babes; to give them that sense of openness, and freedom and adventure.

And in that assignment, let’s be generous and give me a D+.  Not only because they are different people than me, but it is an entirely different world.  Hell, it’s an entirely different world than when I CONCEIVED these tiny beings.

Even though we really do resist electronics (my children are 14, 12 and 9 and I have not yet given into getting them a cellphone -- though, fyi all you mammas out there – an ipod touch is about the same thing),.  Even though our tv time is monitored (though I ponder daily canceling our cable – you get an hour of tv and you watched Cupcake Wars?  Seriously???).

Even though we resist these ways of checking out, of stepping off, my small family still cannot seem to find the slow, deep natural heartbeat that belongs to Mamma Earth.

So I dig around for understanding -- this Summer has been seriously vanishing; is it the fact I moved my business the beginning of May?  My divorce and all that change?  The fact that one is moving into high school next year (DID YOU HEAR THAT . . . HIGH SCHOOL . . . . ).

Sheesh.

We never even got around to making our annual Summer 100 list; about the second week of June we talked about trying to do a Summer 50 list; at this point, the whole Summer is booked; seriously, stacked out. 

Part of it is the early school start (August 20!); but part of it is the cycle.

An enormous amount of change is in the air; can you feel it?  I’ve been talking about it for years.

Please re-read these blogs; they may help you through the cycle.

In the meantime – make yourself put everything down tonight and go watch the fireflies.  Turn off the tv and play a game of chess with your beloved.  Build a fire and roast some marshmallows.

This IS the calm before the storm (unless you live in Colorado); breathe . . . .

Shanti,

Jill

http://uttarayogastudio.blogspot.com/2011/08/august-2011.html

http://uttarayogastudio.blogspot.com/2011/03/preparation.html

http://uttarayogastudio.blogspot.com/2011_01_01_archive.html

So, you might know I’ve been mountain biking at Carvins Cove.  And I lovelovelove it, and it has really helped me to arrange time for myself, to get out in nature, to get a sense of freedom -- and get me used to doing things that kinda scare the crap out of me. 

And ever since beginning, my rider-friends have been suggesting/ coaxing/plain-ole’-bugging me to get clips.  You know – these special shoes and special pedals so that you actually attach your shoe to your pedal?  It makes your pedaling more efficient and with mountain biking it also makes it safer because your feet aren’t bouncing off the pedals when you hit bumps and rocks and roots.

My first attempt was in my front yard on my 45^th birthday; and I was happy to admit to anyone that I was scared.  Falling down hurts.  But hey, trying to cultivate a little courage during this cycle, so let’s throw a little challenge in amongst the cake and accolades. 

And let me tell you – epic fail.  I am on the asphalt driveway (yes, clearly the wrong choice); clip in just great; unclip one foot just great – except it is NOT the foot that I lean to.  So with right foot unclipped and ready, I lean to the left; smack. 

No major injuries except to my ego.  Fear 1, Jill 0.

Okay; let’s go again – in the grass this time thank-you-very-much.  Not so bad; but still, not so great.  So my plans to test drive the clips on the greenway that lovely Spring day disappear as my fear of running over some toddler or taking out a runner come seeping into my consciousness.



Carvin's Cove, March 2012

I practice numerous times in my front yard and on the road in front of my house.

Fast forward to this past weekend; away at a yoga retreat (which was just fabulous in case you were wondering) right near Douthat State Park.  My dear friend Steve built me a magical 29er bicycle and he had brought both our bikes along – new clip-in pedals on mine -- and when the afternoon free time came up, we went on over. 

Have you ever been to Douthat State Park?  Holy fabulousness!  So beautiful; and the mountain biking trails are unreal; it looked like the mountain laurel had been planted by a team of horticulturalists and the trails dusted with pine needles by  fairies.  Did I mention the mountain laurel was actually blooming?!  Just hundreds of bushes surrounding us; rocks and trees and streams and nobody but us and a couple day hikers.

Fearlessness Mudra

So, it is on these brand new trails that I am trying my brand new pedals.  Let me tell you – I was afraid.  Intimidated.  Scared.

It wasn’t because my companion would be mad if I was slow, or upset if I needed to stop. He is one of the most patient people I have ever met.  

It is that I was upset that I would have to be slow; I was upset that I would need to stop.

Mixed in with a healthy fear of falling on something hard and breaking a body part.

What did I learn on this ride?  First, I learned that fear wears you out.  Just that little inkling of fear lurking around in my mind made me so tired and so unable to be myself.  It made me think of times I had lived in sustained fear –  fears from 25 years ago -- fear of not being able to make the mortgage; fear that my first husband would hurt me.  Fears from 14 years ago -- fear that my baby wouldn’t make it through her open-heart surgery; fear that I would be a horrible mother. 

Big fears all rising back up because of this little fear.

Hmmmmm.

I also learned that you can’t go half way.  At the beginning I got the great idea – HEY!  I will just clip in on one side and leave the other unclipped!  I can have it both ways!

Nope; not so much.

Cause only going in half way was actually worse than not clipping in.  I had one foot connected and the other one just sliding all over the place; absolute stability competing with absolute instability. 

Either clip all the way in; or just don’t.  This half-way stuff doesn’t work.

Hmmmmm.

I also learned this; that falling down doesn’t hurt nearly as much as not trying.  You get your scrapes and you get your cuts – but isn’t that life and living? 

The same dear friend who got me the bike and pedals also bought me a card once: it said, “Life Begins At the Edge of Your Comfort Zone.”

We had a beautiful ride.  And yes, I did fall down, and will continue to do so.  And that is OKAY with me.

Time to clip in, my friends.

Shanti,

Jill

Attachment (awww, really? again?!?)

I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesterdays are buried deep – leave it any way except a slow way, leave it as fast as you can.  Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead.  Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.  The cloud clears as you enter it.  I have learned this but, like everyone, I learned it late.

                                                               Beryl Markham, West With The Night

Have you heard?  I’m moving Uttara.

 Wow.  NOT an easy decision.

Our current space is absolutely beautiful; I am so attached to the windows; the view; the light.  Then again, I am NOT attached to the fact that the windows leak air and it’s cold in the Winter and hot in the Summer; that the City view also means City issues like lack of parking and noise and students getting towed.  Our big reception and seating area also mean a smaller space for the actual yoga class.

Don’t even get me started on the leaking roof. 

Time for me to make hard decisions about what really mattered to me, to the Studio, to the students; and what did not.

 Lisa Wade, who is an instructor at Uttara (and also an amazing massage therapist) decided to move her massage practice to The Sanctuary; a former church in the Old Southwest area of town.  Now, I had looked at this space before; GREAT space; but I was looking for a second location and decided it was too close to the first one -- I had no INTENTION of letting go of the Kirk Avenue space.

Why?

Good question.  But it all goes back to attachment.  I had spent so many hours trying to make that space work; issues with the City, issues with my landlords, issues with my students getting towed  – just so many things that ate up time and energy.

And then – there was the absolute beauty of it; Uttara’s birthplace; a space in which we have taught and learned and grown and bonded and laughed and cried and loved and been blessed.

It is a space in which miracles have occurred; all that history backing up in my mind and creating this connection that I thought unbreakable.

Reminds me a bit of my current separation and pending divorce; you have this massive history that truly deserves respect and recognition; but at what point do you realize that the relationship used to work – but now it does not – and it will not work with where your path is taking you.

*sigh*

It is exciting to have a new space; a bigger room, really beautiful floors, easier to get to, more direct sunlight, loads of two-hour street parking, and landlords who have been so kind and accomodating.  To re-invigorate, to re-establish; to re-invent, really. 

A big piece of my soul was so resistant; I am personally going through so much change.   “Why?” I pleaded to my inner voice, “Why NOW?”  But my inner voice was resolute; it was time to move, and this was the place.

So -- here we go – on April 30, Uttara Yoga Studio will be located at 1217 Maple Avenue in Old Southwest; right near the Walnut Street Bridge, off of S. Jefferson Street and right on the trolley line. 

We’re having an open house on Saturday, May 5 from 4:00 to 6:00 pm; I hope you’ll stop by to say hi and to help infuse our new space with the blessing of your presence.

I’ll keep you posted as we move and groove into this new cycle of being.

And if you see me around the next few weeks, could you please remind me –

“Hey, Jill, remember  – B-R-E-A-T-H-E . . . “

Shanti,

Jill

On Crying

Crying sucks. 

Though, there is a cleansing beauty to it.  To let go; to break free.  A good cry can be like a good sneeze; -- cathartic; opening.  A cry tends to last longer than a sneeze though a sneeze is more socially acceptable than a good cry.

I have had times; LONG times; months; when I would not or could not cry. 

Never sure which was more in charge, the "would" or the "could." 

Hmmm.

When I WOULD not cry, who the hell cries?  I was the steel and the stone; totally controlled.  A freakin' fortress.  But then; at some point; I realize ---

HA.

I am not; I am not the steel; I am NOT the stone.  I NEED to cry; And yet -- I cannot; steel and stone; they no longer protect me: they entomb me.

Its not that you have no compassion; that you are hard and harsh; it's just that there are inner walls and outer walls and you become an expert at building inner walls.  People in your life think that they have hit your inner limits and so you let them and -- yet -- really -- it's just the outer sanctuary of the inner life -- and you smile and you talk and there is still that fortress -- a good mile from the real inner center and excuse-me-but-i-prefer-you-stay-here-thank-you-very-much.

The tears do come; they will; it is a terrifying moment; more than a moment, a huge shift; down come the walls; even though you realize it marks progress; the interior has been breached.

Inner alarms sound: and yet -- you welcome the healing flood that you so-long feared.

My insides have been in knots; managed the whole first part of 2011 inert; remember buying the movie "Up" -- have you seen it?   First two minutes in and I am tearing in gushes, like the Nile.

Children hovering; comforting and worrying; (sweet, but the guilt flows in, too); each moment of the beginning crushes me with emotion; and then the silly-damn-movie starts and and I can get a grip.

I did get a grip -- and also recover -- recover the gift of tears.  Which visited me often: often and flowing, over the Summer of 2011.

Hiding in the shower; on the porch during storms; I received my pain.

Could once again feel -- but also suffer -- a portal had opened, and, dammit, would not close.

Tonight? Another frightening opening -- the chance for love and change brings a huge cry, big tears; trying to find my way, my space in the Universe.  Who will receive my love; who will receive my pain?

Do I scare you?  Cause I scare the HELL OUTTA me?

My biggest obstacle is -- OF COURSE -- me.

Feel what you feel; express what you you feel; be so grateful not to be "shushed" through your tears.

AUUUMM shanti,

Jill

Relationship Karma . . . again

I think I am learning a little bit about relationships right now.

. . . [ridiculously long pause] . . .

Actually, I appear to have registered for a crash-course in relationships at the not-so-young age of 44.  Emphasis on the term “CRASH.”

Part of the reason there have been no posts to this blog is because my life is exploding on many levels.  Not necessarily in negative ways, but yet for me during this period it has been a good practice to conserve energy, keep my head down, and watch for incoming objects (ie, emotions, reactions, events).

So, tonight -- I am up late.  I am printing some astrology information for my files.  And in the process of printing, I am noticing some things.  Like how when I use the printer,  I’ve got to put the sheet of paper in just so – if I put in a sheet that already has writing on it – ie, some life experience, it’s been through the mill – then I better put it in the correct way, or I just print right over the old stuff.  What results is just a mess.  In order to print a fresh, new page, I’d better learn to insert the paper in the correct manner.  If the paper is bent up?  Not receptive?  It will never, ever work out the way I want.  Hmmmmm.

The other thing I notice is that impatience gets me every time.  If the printer is ready to roll, but the paper is not, then best not to just stick the paper in there.  Because, BAM, it jams right up.  You can predict this; it’s not unexpected; it’s not odd or confusing.  If you pay attention, you figure it out within the first three or four times you run it.  The printer needs to be ready to receive the paper, not the other way around.  Totally predictable result that you can directly link to impatience.  Hmmmmmm.

Once again; once AGAIN, I have failed at maintaining a pivotal relationship in my life because of . . . . well, truthfully; many things.  But my perceived primary responsibility for this failure?  I did not speak my truth.  I did not ask for what I needed, and for what I wanted.  My needs were put aside, swept under the proverbial rug; when things were not okay I shrugged my shoulders and said “sure.”  When it hurt and felt limiting and my voice went unheard, I let it go.

And, truth is also that I will admit to feeling noble for sacrificing my desires, my needs; for ignoring my absolute utter fundamental ideals; in order to keep the peace and maintain what was, because I was afraid of what would be.  Because the pain that I already knew felt more comfortable than the dark unknown.

So, just like the printer . . . BAM. 

That is, of course, the short emotionless version. 

Reality is, the relationship is over.  I think of love like well.  Each interaction either fills or takes.  The healthy well ebbs, and flows.

Thousands of times I dipped down into that well – thinking it filled with bottomless love and devotion; and then, there is the final time – and my bucket scraped hard and loud across that stone floor.  There was nothing left.

Learn from my mistakes.  Feed that which you wish to grow.

Speak your truth; love with your heart and your head; love with your honesty, and with your voice.

If you know the printer jams when you force the paper in – you know yourself and where the pitfuls of you and your partner await -- and you intend to keep that printer -- then, maybe, this time, you will be patient; you will understand how its fundamental nature.

If you are dealing with a printer, you will wait; if you are dealing with a person, you will SPEAK.

Shanti,

Jill

Are You Breathing?

Are You Breathing?

No – really, are you breathing? Well, I certainly hope so. You wouldn’t be reading too much further into this post if you were not.

But seriously; are you truly breathing?? A breath that keeps you nourished, oxygenated and healthy? Many people do not understand the importance of breath.

Approaching it from the science side, there are many systems in the body that are totally dependent on the ratio of oxygen to carbon dioxide in the body. If the body’s level of oxygen drops to a certain level, systems begin to shut down; kinda like an emergency mode, where non-essential systems (like metabolism) slow or shut down.

Moving along at the speed of LIFE, we often find ourselves in this constant fight-or-flight mode that leaves our bodies starved for oxygen. From the yogic perspective, this also limits your intake and quality of prana or lifeforce. Breathing is one of the major ways to bring in and move this lifeforce. (Note for the yogis: sometimes people think that the term “pranayama”in yoga means simply breathing techniques, even though the breath is only one of the many ways to move prana – other pranayama techniques include mantra and yantra – anything that controls {yama} lifeforce {prana}).

You could say that the way you breathe your breath is how you live your life.

Studying the breath has become a major portion of my practice, having recently picked back up my restorative breathwork apprenticeship with Kathleen Barratt of Barratt Breathworks. Check out her site at www.BarrattBreathworks.com.

When discussing the breath and any conscious, cultivated breaths, I always like to quote Goswami Kriyanandaji – “[the breath] is like a sharp knife -- used precisely, it is very effective; but if you wave it around, someone is going to get hurt.” Breathwork practices are extremely powerful.

The Barratt Breathworks model approaches the breath in a simple but potent way that helps to dismantle ineffective breathing patterns and restore the natural adaptability of the breath. It helps you to figure out where in your body your breath moves; or doesn’t. It unites breathwork, mindfulness and energy flow in a way that brings you more in tune with yourself. And, eventually, opens you up to permitting the natural intelligence of your breath to move through your body in a way that brings healing, health, and a deep spiritual awareness.

The breath can heal you; open you; nurture you; connect you back to spirit. Really.

Whether you are an experienced yogi with a regular pranayama practice, or just someone who is ready to be more open to this life, Kathleen is facilitating a Restorative Breathwork Weekend at Uttara in January, details below. I’ll be there assisting for my apprenticeship. If you are interested, register soon, space is limited.

And really; it’s about time you started to truly LIVE; and to truly BREATHE . . . . .

Saturday, January 7 from 1:00 to 5:00 pm
Sunday, January 8 from Noon to 4:00 pm

Barratt Breathworks Restorative Breathwork Weekend --
Combines Hatha Yoga, Breathwork and Meditation; Facilitated By Kathleen Barratt. This program is tailored both for the beginner as well as the experienced student of Restorative Breathwork. Emphasis on exploring the interrelationship between breath and energy and its dynamic influence on consciousness as well as physical health and well-being.

Dynamics are specially designed for small groups to provide one on one attention from Kathleen. Fee $125. For more information please call 540-966-6703 or visit http://www.barrattbreathworks.com/. Pre-register by December 30; continuing education credits are granted in accordance with Yoga Alliance.

What Do You Wish To Attain Through Yoga?

We have an intake form at the Studio; you know, asking for
name, address, email; medical complications; blah, blah, blah.

On that form we also ask this question: What do you wish to attain through yoga?

This is because of one of my primary teachers, Goswami Kriyananda. Throughout my training, he continually emphasized that we are to teach what the students want to learn; not our own little agenda; not what we think people need.

What do the students want? What information do they seek?

So, I was thinking about this, because I’ve been thinking a lot about intention – about the linking of thought/action/spirit – which is how you make anything, ANYTHING actually happen in your life.

What do our students want?

Oh, the majority of intake forms say things like “strength,” “flexibility,” “toning,” “stretching.” But there are some really interesting answers lurking about in the file drawer, and I thought I’d share my favorites.

And the interesting thing is – all these things – ALL THESE THINGS, yoga can bring you; it delivers. All you ever have to do is this: PRACTICE.

meditation and flexibility

it’s part of my spiritual practice

enlightenment

focus, calm, openness, fire

tone and stretch

not sure

relax, man

time with my wife

internal space

exercise

quiet mind

joy!

physical and personal growth

pain free

that could take a long time . . . .

inner peace and badass flexibility

a better understanding of self

better breathing

a happy spouse

inner strength

?

awesomeness

love and light

open hips

weight management

community of like-minded individuals

destiny

help for my back

a positive experience

re-educating my body

fun

deep relaxation and spiritual advancement

sweetness

eternal youth!

to feel better physically, mentally

toning

peace, connection, oneness, movement

sleep

peace and light

balance

learn to be more calm

happiness!

better health

improve my practice

everything!

fabulousness

core strength

wife happy

anything!

opening up and letting go of stress

self-acceptance

hmmm . . . there’s many things

mind yoked to body

experience

So . . . if you read this far (and I hope you did . . . ) what is it that YOU seek?

As Kriyanandaji says . . . "Traveler in time . . . this is not your final resting place, what is it that you seek here?"

Shanti,

Jill

Thanks and Thanksgiving

So, today, I received the most beautiful email. It read like this:

“Thank you for being my friend. I love you.”

And . . . that was it.

Wow; holy WOW. I am
so grateful to this person. Things are
so busy this time of year; this day!
Cooking and cleaning and preparing and planning and trying to make
memories and magic. This tiny gesture
helped me to feel my relationship with her; a connected and happy and safe
place; and in the quiet space of my mind, in that moment, deep gratitude
bubbled up.

I always say that there are friends and then there are
FRIENDS. You know; the kind that you
call and say “hey, I’m kinda in . . . Singapore . . . and I . . . kinda lost my
passport . . . and I . . . kinda have no money . . . can you . . . kinda, come
get me??? . . .

This is one of those friends for me; I am blessed to have a
long, long list of those kind of friends.

Sometimes, we overflow with gratitude; for big things, small
things; for everything. And, other
times, we get stuck in “don’t have enough of” or “why can’t I have” or just “why
couldn’t you just . . .” or simply . . . “ouch ouch ouch.”

Ouch.

So, this is a week (astrology, not holiday caused!) of a little more emotion and anger and
movement in the direction of change than most people can handle with grace and
style. Have you noticed this in your
life, in the world around you?

I challenge you to take a moment; a deep breath, and tell me
-- what are you grateful for? What
inspires your soul? Can you see the gifts
have you received? Can you see each
inhale and exhale as the deepest blessing?
Each morsel of food as communion?

Each interaction with family (family!) and friends as a
lesson on love and boundaries and acceptance and kindness and
it’s-okay-to-know-that-being-around-you-is-not-so-great-for-me-so-I’m-gonna-take-some-space,
OKAY?!

Can we offer gratitude for our health before we are
sick? Enjoy the food even if it is not
our taste, our brand, our way? Can we
create a safe space to love within our families and serve them without an
attitude of self-sacrifice or not speaking our own truth?

There have been many, many years that I could do none of
those things. I am aware, and trying to
do better.

“Thank you for being my friend” -- what greater gift could
you give to anyone in your life, be them blood related or spirit connected?

Blessed Thanksgiving,

Shanti,

Jill

Angels, Guides and Teachers

When I decided to open Uttara, you have to understand where my life was; I’d been a stay-at-home mom for nine years; had three children,
the youngest was four; no family in town to count on; I’d never run a business, and frankly; didn’t have a clue what I was jumping into.

But from the very beginning; I had a strong sense that it was going to be okay; a deep feeling of safety that came from a source that felt real and true. And in everything I did, there was guidance; even the silly, simple things.

I decided I need a large basket to hold mats; a week later, there’s an enormous basket out at the curb in my neighbor’s trash (perfect basket, no damage – we’re still using it); needed something to hold purses and belongings; wander into the local Habitat for Humanity store and find a gorgeous piece for $75 (as I was hauling it out another patron told me that I would have made it onto one of the home decorator shows with that find).

And one day in particular, I had a small block of time to finish outfitting the place; hired a sitter to watch the kids, time was precious. As I got in the car, a little inner voice talked to me and instructed me in these mundane tasks, advising where to go, and what to buy. If you know me, I’m not a shopper, nor a decision maker.

But this day, it was like I was on a mission; from place to place, finding precisely what I needed at the price I needed it to be. Was thinking, “maybe God really wants this place to open . . . .”

Final item checked off my list, rushing to drive home, five minutes to spare to hit the deadline of my babysitter. Cruising toward I 581, my little voice tells me to exit the road and take the longer way.

“Uhh? What? WHY!?!”

This inner wisdom, which had guided me all morning to make wise decisions, gives me this piece of information and I . . . . complain; I argue with it. It didn’t make sense! I was in a HURRY! (Inner voice, don’t you get it, paying a sitter by the hour! Promised the kids I’d be home!).

So, as I have done more times than I wish to count, I ignored this voice. What the heck, really?! My inner voice is telling me how to DRIVE? Like it's my ex-husband or something?!

This whole exchange took mere moments, and as I merged onto 581, rounded the bend, and saw that traffic had come to a standstill, I understood. There had been an accident. And so, there I was; stuck in traffic, because of my stubbornness.

Had to laugh, and I did; but it reminded me of myriad times I neglected that inner wisdom; when the little voice in my head told me to go left, and I went right; when the little voice said no and I said “but but but -- why not?” When the little voice screamed and cried and I just looked away, because clinging to what I had been doing or what I had committed to seemed to make more sense than this frightening unknown path speaking up inside my head.

Would love to say that I learned my lesson; that I always following my intuition; and that my inner voice and I have established a clear and visible connection; but that is not true.

Sometimes my head has a cacophony of voices; sometimes, I still deny what my heart and wisdom tell me. Sometimes I do nothing; or take the easy way out.

But I am aware, and I am trying; every day; to hone that inner wisdom and to listen listen listen to the angels, the guides and teachers who surround me and support me.

Perhaps it all comes down to having a little faith . . . and the ability to trust.

Shanti,

Jill

Camella Nair will be at Uttara!

I’ve brought a lot of other people’s teachers to Roanoke to do workshops. This month, I am excited to be bringing one of my teachers to Uttara.

Camella was my advisor during my Hatha Teacher Training program through the Temple of Kriya Yoga. It is not an understatement to say that her guidance helped to significantly shape my path as a yoga teacher, and as a person.

Camella is a Kriya Yoga Swami, which is a yogic priest, in addition to being a yoga teacher; ordained through the Temple of Kriya, she’s also one of those rare people who live their yoga 24-7; she lives in an Ananda community in California; she teaches yoga for a living; and is also an accomplished author and recording artist.

Her special gift is the way that the teachings just flow through her; her vast knowledge of yoga, and specifically Kriya yoga, are just a part of her nature. She also has the most beautiful chanting voice and a total no-nonsense way of bringing forth the teachings. Honest, forthright, blunt, true; Camella lays it all out, and in a language that you can actually perceive and understand.

Yoga is an oral tradition; it was never intended for written material or books; something is always lost in translation when you write the teachings down, in the same way that a picture is worth a thousand words. The teachings are organic, and as the teacher’s experience changes, and so do their teachings. So actually being in a teacher’s presence is an important piece.

In yoga we call this concept of “darshan” -- the blessing bestowed by being in the presence of someone who has done the work, and is ahead of you on the path. Just their very vibration in proximity to yours allows a shift in consciousness.

The workshops will be focused on the three “bodies” – meaning the physical body; the astral (energy) body, and what is called the “causal” body – your spirit, which is the never-born-will-never-die part of each of us. The yoga poses, meditation, philosophy and discussion will connect back and weave into this theme, and will be accessible to student of all levels. Don’t be afraid to learn more about who you are, or to seek to deepen your practice. Each workshop stands alone, and you can take only one or all.

Call or email me with questions! Jill@UttaraYogaStudio.com, 540-309-0071. For more on Camella, check out her website, http://www.camellayoga.org. Info on the workshops is below!

Saturday, October 22 and Sunday, October 23:

Camella Nair: Yoga of the Three Bodies -- Join us for a special weekend immersion into hatha yoga, meditation, mantra and discussion on navigating the chakras, nadis and koshas of the subtle (energy) body. You will also learn techniques on how to purify and balance energy from the Kriya Yoga tradition. Workshops can be taken individually; all are accessible for students of all levels.

Camella (Swami Nibhrtananda) is an ordained Swami within the Kriya Yoga lineage, author of two books, recording artist and mentor. She has studied mantra with Russill Paul and Ayurveda with the California College of Ayurveda. She teaches yoga, meditation and offers Ayurvedic body therapies in the South bay area of California.

Saturday, October 22:

9.30 am - 12.00 pm
Kriya Vinyasa Flow Class -- Camella has developed and taught this series of asanas (yoga poses) over the past decade that has helped many people develop greater self-awareness and discipline in their lives. Class will finish with some breath/prana exploration and a brief meditation. Accessible for all levels of students, $25/$30

2:00 pm – 5:00 pm
Subtle Anatomy; Chakra Hatha Yoga -- You are more than a physical body. To understand and learn about subtle anatomy and the energy body is to delve deeper into the science of yoga and take more control of your life. This class will be a discourse followed by asanas (yoga poses) that specifically affect certain chakras. $25/$30

6:00 pm – 8:00 pm
Kriya Yoga 101 (with nada yoga and meditation)-- In this class Camella will share balancing techniques from the Kriya Yoga lineage, as well as lead some group chants and meditation. $20/$25

Sunday, October 23:

10:00 to Noon
Hatha/Pranayama/Meditation -- A complete yoga practice incorporating Kriya hatha yoga techniques, breathwork, and meditation; create your Kriya sadhana. $20/$25

My New Teacher

Meet my new teacher; it's a Cannondale mountain bike.

Like many synchronistic meetings in my life, I didn’t really go looking for it. Was thinking of getting a road bike, now that all three children can ride. Went to Just the Right Gear in Salem; they had been so patient and helpful when I bought a bike for my daughter. After a talk with the owner, I chose a mountain bike with tires that would let me occasionally road bike.

Now, I’m not unfamiliar with bikes; but it’s been 20-some years since I road regularly. Bikes have changed! And, mountain biking is different from road biking; the first time I came upon a rock, I squished my eyes shut preparing to get dumped; and instead, just flew right over that sucker. Wow!

I’ve been meeting friends and riding out at Carvins Cove (which is a little slice of heaven) about once a week. REALLY fun; like I’m 12-years old again and so brave and so free.

Mountain biking gets me out in nature; gives me a feeling of freedom and ease; is great exercise; and there are no worries of traffic or crazy car drivers. It’s so fun trying to jump the bike over piles of logs and flying down hills. It reminds me of those days of building ramps out of bricks and old boards with my brother; doing crazy stuff I’d probably never let my kids try now.

On my very first ride I was sucking wind; not used to riding; and two of my friends zipped off in a little friendly competition. Another rider hung back with me, introduced himself and we started to talk. “This is my therapy” he explained. Now, I totally get that.

There are so many amazing metaphors between life and riding the bike. Like if you focus on the obstacles, you’ll steer right into them, so be sure to keep your eyes on the path you want to choose, and not what’s in your way.

Remember not to be gawking at the scenery while riding; sometimes I want to look around, it’s so incredibly beautiful! But don't let the mind get distracted, or think about your grocery list. Out of nowhere obstacles appear; a root, a rock, a low-hanging tree, and BAM, down you go. So if you’re gonna ride, RIDE; and if you’re gonna rest, REST. Multi-tasking is overrated.

It also helps me to remember when facing a steep hill, or a place in the path where I’ve gotten stuck before to just put my head down and pedal; because if I obsess, or look far ahead, it’s too daunting. If I just put my nose down and deal with the little bit of the path that’s right in front of me, then it’s just not so difficult. You just get on through it, and keep moving.

Riding with my friends has helped me to see how often I put myself down (in my mind and out loud); apologizing for not keeping up, or for struggling with a portion of the path; or for having to get off and walk the bike up a hill or through the mud. We have a running joke about how often I have said “sorry” – something I have struggled with for years. They are my friends; they don’t mind waiting up for me, or helping me out. Why do I struggle to accept their kindness and their help?

Recently while making several attempts to jump a log pile, I got a little scraped and bruised up. Showing them to my friend with a laugh, he said “It’s all about quality of lifestyle . . . .”

Yeah . . . riding may occasionally leave me with a bump or a bruise or a cut; but each time it happens, I’m a little wiser and a little stronger; and it’s WAY better than staying home on the couch and missing out on the fun.

Shanti,

Jill